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Daddy, Food, Gain and Thank you

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Wednesday, March 12, 2014

My Daddy - Hunter Thomas

Where do I start?....My Daddy is gone. He left this world at 11:45 am on Monday the 10th of March 2014. His service will be Saturday the 15th as he wanted to be cremated and that takes a couple of days and it can’t be done till we get the death certificate and that takes a couple of days too. The support I have received has been phenomenal. You Spark folks are simply the best. I’ve gotten so many goodies and condolences and thinking of you notes that it has really helped me through this. I wish I could respond to each individually but I’m just not up to that yet. Know that I am reading them all and every single note means a huge deal to me. Thank you ALL so much for caring about me and my family. I hope to be back in the Spark world very soon.

Next – well – what’s one of the things that goes along with a good ole southern grieving family time (probably everywhere really) well – it’s food…people don’t know how to help and they really want to…so they bring food…lots and lots and LOTS of food. Lots of really good food that I don’t usually eat….and I am not supposed to eat with my diabetes…like pies and cookies and cakes and on and on and on…..Well, I’ve been eating it the last few days and I’ve gained a ton – 9 pounds – A little of it may be water weight but most of it is good old fashion fat. And I really paid for it today – my sugar skyrocketed to over twice my normal reading…I got so dizzy and felt so ill that I won’t be eating like that again…I gave most of the food to my mother in law – I kept some chicken and some luncheon meat trays but will not be eating any more of what ran my sugar so high and piled on so much weight. I have been exercising a little, not much, but a little…I hope to get back in to the swing of that soon too. It’s hard for me to see that I have gained so much weight so fast. I don’t want to let anyone down. I just lost control over the last 50 some hours. I am only human and I reverted to my old comfort foods the last night I spent with Daddy in the nursing home. And also when he died the nursing home brought in a tray of food for those of us that were there…cookies and brownies! The thing is – it really wasn’t comforting…it was depressing. I knew as I was eating it what I was doing to myself and my health and I hated myself for it. The same feeling came over me today as I was eating the food that my neighbors had brought. I kept thinking “why am I doing this…it is not helping me to feel any better”…then I got terribly sick from it because it ran my sugar so high! I have learned my lesson…I simply can NOT deviate that far from my plan, my body simply can’t handle it anymore. At least I have learned that so called comfort food doesn’t really comfort me anymore…took me three days to figure it out, but at least I stopped before a huge amount of damage was done. I will lose the weight soon and be back to my old self…I must do this for myself, I have come too far to let go now.

So I do not believe in “restarting” only in continuing, I hit a bump in the road but it was the biggest bump I’ve ever had to deal with. I have had my fall and now I have gotten back up and am continuing on my journey to a healthier weight and life in general. It will be another short while before I am up to Sparking on as much of a schedule as I used to but I will be back soon, in the meantime, I am logging in every day and reading all my messages, and if any of my teams or friends needs me just give me a yell on Spark mail…I check that several times a day.

Thanks and BIG HUGS to you all
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Kathy, I too send my sympathy. Kathy, the picture is beautiful ..you can see the goodness in Daddy's eyes. The blessing is that he is in a better place and pain free.
    Do not be hard on yourself. The weight gain is just a little bump and your pattern will return when life restores to a normal routine. I bet a lot is water gain, as you suspect. We are living so clean that the addition of prepared foods, bakery will do it.
    I totally get where your head is at, just don't abuse yourself emotionally over the few pounds.
    Get through the 15th, services, visitors and then rest up. God Bless you as you grieve
    And recover. Hugs, Tina

    1534 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss Kathy. You will continue with your journey and your life will go on! Well meaning friends can't live with them can't live without them or their food I guess.
    1534 days ago
    I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. Treasure your wonderful memories of him. (And he was a real good-looking guy,too!). emoticon
    1534 days ago
    I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. I lost mine in 2000 and I still miss him every day. Time does help as do all of your wonderful memories.
    As for your weight gain..........it is a blip on the chart of your journey to better health. You know what to do to lose and I am sure that you will do it.
    I wish you the emoticon
    1534 days ago
    My deepest sympathy on your loss. Please be kind to yourself. Take some time everyday to remember the good things you did together. Your courage to be able to blog at this sad time- amazing. My thoughts are with you. Pam
    1534 days ago
    I'm just reading this. Sorry to hear that you lost your Daddy. Cut yourself some slack. You only have one Daddy and this is a life-changing event. Do what you have to do to get through it and try not to be so hard on yourself. It sounds like you are already learning some lessons from it. Knowing how yucky deviating from plan made you feel. But now more than ever be kind to yourself. I'll be praying for you over the next few days and weeks. emoticon


    1534 days ago
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    Love and prayers,

    1534 days ago
  • NEPTUNE1939
    1534 days ago
    So sorry for your loss.
    My thoughts are with you and your family.

    I'm glad you have such good support here on SP.
    1534 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    emoticon sorry about your father. But, so many women your age never had a great father, so you were certainly lucky. My father died when I was 25 and he was a funny Sagittarius, so he was always laughing.

    Do read Richard Bernstein M.D.'s "The Diabetes Solution" and listen to his lectures on YouTube. He treats mostly Type 2 diabetic patients in his practice, but he has had Type 1 diabetes since he was 12 and he is a healthy 78.
    1534 days ago
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  • DJSHIP46
    I am so very sorry for your loss and reading your post brought back some memories. I will always miss my parents, and I bet you will to, but it does get a bit easier with time. At this point in my journey, I think I could take the food to a homeless shelter or the food bank. I would have to as I don't seem to have much control if its right there in front of me... I will be praying that you are able to get back on track very quickly. emoticon Donna
    1534 days ago
    So sorry for your loss
    1534 days ago
    Thanks for sharing this blog. I'm so sorry for your loss, but am thankful for the lessons you've learned and shared. You and your family will be in my prayers. emoticon
    1534 days ago
    So sorry for your loss of a wonderful man in your life.
    1534 days ago
    I'm so sorry for your loss... what beautiful words...
    1534 days ago
    you daddy will be so proud of you that you are not letting his loss get you away from your healthy lifestyle.really sorry about your loss love but at least you know he is now out of pain.putting you in my prayers love.let us know if i can do anything.take care and keep smiling emoticon
    1534 days ago
    So sorry for your loss. Keep your memories close. emoticon
    1534 days ago
  • SHERYLP461
    I am so sorry for your loss. You are right in the South it is what we do. If you think of it as something to feed all those that come by to comfort you, make it available to all, there will be little left for you to worry about.
    1534 days ago
    Look how far your thinking has come! That's awesome!! You are thinking take care of myself! I am so sorry about losing your daddy. Now you can honor him through your wise choices because you CAN!!
    1534 days ago
  • SHARON7464
    1534 days ago
    I am so sorry you've lost your father, but so grateful you've found what you need to do for your own health, even in such a difficult time.

    Blessings and peace to you.
    1534 days ago
    Much love & courage to you, as you let go of your daddy's physical place in your life. Concentrate on your feelings & heart. emoticon
    1534 days ago
    1534 days ago
    So very sorry for your loss.

    1534 days ago
  • RDEE22
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    1534 days ago
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  • JAMER123
    Kathy, I am so sorry for your loss. Sending many prayers and will keep you all in my thoughts as you are grieving. Don't hurt yourself with the goodies as you have found. So many foods that are temptations that it's good to get them away from you. Good idea!! Please take care and know we are with you in your sorrow. God bless.
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    1534 days ago
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    1534 days ago
  • OWLVR54
    Like you said Kathy, this is just a bump in the road. When my dad passed away it was just 7 months after my sister passed away and I did a lot of damage with my weight and my health in general. So I understand exactly what you are going through. Please don't worry about anything but yourself and your family. You need time to griev. You need time to think and reflect. Take all the time you need, you deserve it.
    Your friends emoticon at sparkpeople are here waiting for your full return, but don't rush.
    We care about your health and your heart. You have been through one of the worse times of your life, you need to heal. God will guide you, God loves you as do your friends at Spark.

    Take care,

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1534 days ago
    1534 days ago
  • ENG_TV
    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father last year and I know that it is difficult. You need to take time for yourself right now, but know that we are here if you need us. I'm glad that you realized that emotional eating is a pitfall at a time like this and that you are getting yourself back on track. Hugs and prayers!
    1535 days ago
  • 123ELAINE456
    Sorry to hear of your loss. Your Father is in a much better place and out of pain and suffering. Take the needed time to heal. May God give you and the family the comfort and peace you need going though this trying time in your life. Take good care of yourself too. God Blessings Always. May God Be With You. May you have a nice week. Sending Lots Of Prayers And Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!Your Way.
    1535 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/12/2014 9:58:24 PM
    Sorry for your loss. In times like this it 's important to take time to heal. Be kind to yourself. Know that your dad is in a better place and no longer in pain. My prayers for you and your family on the way. Lots of hugs, emoticon emoticon Take care.
    1535 days ago
    Even in your grief you are inspiring, I admire you so much. Losing a parent is so very hard and you are handling it with grace and dignity. Your dad would be proud of the daughter he raised. You are right is seeing things as a bump in the road and it is understandable. The main thing is to get back in the groove and be a living testament to your father. You have a lot more people to inspire and remember you are never alone. Lots of hugs for you and prayers for you and your family.
    1535 days ago
    I am so sorry to hear about your father. It is hard. I lost my father-in-law and my own dad a few years ago. Both were tough.

    Don't worry about the Spark team we will still be here when you are feeling better.

    Take care of yourself!!!!!!!


    1535 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    You're stronger than I was. I was nearly at goal weight when my dad died. I fell into a deep and very long depression (didn't even realize it, as odd as that may sound). I hurt so badly that was the only thing I could feel. I was glad for that hurt because that feeling was the only thing that told me I was still alive.

    I put on all the weight I had lost and I still have yet to make serious inroads on the goal of getting healthy.

    One thing I learned was that a card (analogous to our SparkGoodies in this cyber community) made the difference. It did not matter that people did not know what to say or do, just that they cared enough to reach out.

    Do not beat yourself up! Kudos for being alert to the danger of sabotaging your health and for moving forward as you know you need to do.

    You have my deepest sympathies!

    Been there...
    1535 days ago
  • SHARON10002
    Agree with MOM2ACAT. I am sending you my deepest sympathies and biggest virtual hugs in the loss of your Dad. He looks like a very loving man. It's natural to want to comfort with food when we are feeling such insurmountable grief. Losing your parents is one of the hardest things you will have to do in your lifetime. Sending you lots of love, Kat.
    1535 days ago
    emoticon Oh Kathy, I am so sorry! Please don't worry about the teams right now, right now, healing and taking care of yourself is the priority.

    I lost my dad about 2 1/2 years ago. I remember what my oncologist told me when I saw him after my dad passed, he said that no matter how old you are when you lose a parent, it makes you feel like you are 10 years old again. I remember feeling so lost for such a long time after I lost my dad. It's not something you fully get over, but with time, the pain loses some of its sharp edges.

    Thank you for sharing his picture of us, your daddy is a very handsome man!
    1535 days ago
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    1535 days ago
    Kathy---I am so sorry for your loss. I can totally understand turning to food for comfort because I know I would too. Thank-you for posting his picture. emoticon --Susan
    1535 days ago
    1535 days ago
  • MARUKI52
    I'm sorry your Daddy is no longer with you. From the photograph he looks a lovely man.
    1535 days ago
  • KAREN608
    So sorry!
    And I will remember the food thing: if someone loses a loved one, sweet unhealthy food will not be something I will bring over!
    1535 days ago
    So sorry for your loss my friend. While I haven't lost my parents, I was very close to my paternal grandparents and losing them (Nov. 2011 & Aug 2012) was very difficult. I'm sure that if your daddy could talk to you right now he would tell you to "buck up", that he's feeling real good now and that you need to concentrate on getting yourself as healthy as you can.

    I can tell you this from experience, you haven't gained fat weight the last few days. Carb overloading leads to your body holding onto lots of water. Once you get your blood sugar regulated and get your eating back to normal you'll see a lot of that new weight come off very quickly!
    1535 days ago
    Kathy, I know words cannot do much at this time, but please know I am so sorry. Your Dad was very handsome. Take time grieving..everyone does it differently. Be kind to yourself. Remember you are not yourself right now. You will be back to you soon enough but don't be too angry with yourself now. You know the weight will come off. Even at this difficult time in your life you have learned that food cannot ease your hurting heart.

    Having lost my Dad 19 months ago, I can say I know how you are feeling. I miss my Dad so much. In time it gets easier, but like your Dad, mine will never be forgotten. Nor will my Mom, who died 4 years ago.

    Take care Kathy and know you are loved by God and by all of us. emoticon
    1535 days ago
    So sorry for your loss! You Daddy looks like such a friendly guy with a sparkly in his eyes. Hope that you have lots of good memories that will be a comfort to you in the days and months ahead. Will pray for your comfort and peace after this sad time.
    1535 days ago
    Thank you for sharing the picture of your Daddy. Was kind eyes he has. I know he was proud of you and knew how much you loved him. You took good care of him.
    Be gentle with yourself. Grief takes lots of time. I have lost both my parents and often miss them a lot. The good memories help me.
    You have many who care.
    Just keep on your journey and that the time you need.
    Macye emoticon emoticon
    1535 days ago
  • JACKIE542
    So sorry big emoticon emoticon
    1535 days ago

    Your daddy is a very handsome man, and with everything I've read of him through you, I felt like I knew him personally! I'm so emoticon for your loss, but I know that he's in Heaven, with God! emoticon

    You take the time that you need to get back to us, here in SP Land. The main thing now is that you take care of you. Don't be concerned about the eating and weight, as that happened to me also, in such a short time, I gained like 20 lbs. in a month, and the foods I ate were all healthy. I learned then that even eating too much healthy will put the weight on you. Sometimes we have to learn things the hard way. It's sad, emoticon but true.

    My dear friend, please take some time and rest, rest, and get more rest, as you need it. I'll be here when you get back, as I'm going nowhere!

    Be blessed and emoticon

    - Nancy Jean - emoticon
    1535 days ago
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