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My Life Broke... and now I'm picking up the pieces.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

On January 10, 2014, the life that I had been building up came crashing down.

My boyfriend of almost 5 years died in an automobile accident. I lost the love of my life, my best friend, my partner, my therapist, my rock, my other half... I felt like I couldn't go on. And it's been this way for two months.

But now, slowly, I am starting to look up from the bottom of my hole. I remember his joyful spirit, positive energy, and attitude to live every day to the fullest. "Life is good," he always used to tell me. And it is. Life presents us with countless opportunities, and we only have to take that leap, grabbing on and holding tight, to reap the benefits.

Our capacity to feel, and heal, is boundless. We exist on a continuum, a spectrum of emotions that create relativity in our lives. It's hard to understand pure happiness without experiencing pain, its opposite. And fulfillment cannot be truly appreciated without knowing desire. Nor satisfaction, without disappointment.

And now, I have felt loss so deeply, an emptiness so vast... that I know what it means to have been full. And I know that I am strong, I will pick myself up, and slowly rebuild. They say a broken bone mends itself even stronger; I wonder if the same is true of hearts and spirits and minds.

I don't have exceedingly high expectations for myself at this time. I'm just trying to stay relatively healthy, not give into the urge to drink myself into a numb oblivion. Exercise always helps me to feel better... lighter and more lifted. But I have the looming deadlines of my final semester at school, the last one to finish my Bachelor's degree. I'm already about 2 months behind in one class. And I will do my best to catch up, as I've consulted with my professor.

I will return to what I know to organize what little focus and motivation I can rekindle; that is, the list-making!

For School:
-Catch up with assignments!
-Stay on track with Weekly Clinicals!
-Complete Graduation requirements, including CLEP Exam for Western Civ I

For Mental Health:
-Start my day with some simple yoga poses, learn the sun salutation!
-Incorporate Meditation daily
-Laugh! Meet New People! And stay connected with Old, True Friends!
-Get outdoors daily, experience the natural world!

For Physical Health:
-Gym Routine--> Alternating Upper/Lower Body Workouts 4 days/week
-HIIT Cardio 4 days/week
-Follow Clean(er) eating plan--> More fruits/veggies/proteins
-Drink more water! At least 8 cups/day

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am new to spark community, but I just read this and know what it is like to lose someone you love, and so unexpectedly. The gift I want to give you is permission to just be. It is going to take time to heal your loss. Don't put any expectations on yourself, grief is unpredictable and is on it own time schedule...honor it and be ok with whatever emotions come up for you. It is good that you are aware that self medicating is not the answer; you will not heal and in the end will make things worse for yourself. Blessing to you on your journey of rediscovering yourself.
    1537 days ago
    Thank you all for the love and support.
    1564 days ago
  • SLEE103
    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I had no idea. I can't even. Best wishes to you... emoticon emoticon
    1565 days ago
    Sorry for your loss. Great list.

    1565 days ago
    I am so sorry for your tragic loss. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. Sending lots of hugs your way.
    1566 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss. You're making great strides to gain back your life. He will always be in your heart. emoticon
    1566 days ago
    Oh mama............I'm so sorry. I'm also happy to hear that you're starting to see some positivity again. I hope you can keep seeing that hope in your life.
    1566 days ago
    Sending hugs to you!! Thank you for sharing!
    1566 days ago
  • IRP1114
    So happy to see you blogging and making lists! You brightened my day by blogging today ; )
    Again I am so so sorry about your loss. I think about you a lot since hearing of your loss.

    Really like your mind set right now. This will take you places. Back to happiness especially. I am so with you on meditating daily. I actually end up meditating morning and night now days.

    Looking forward to continuing this journey with you and reading more blogs on your progress with ALL of your goals! Chin up chica emoticon emoticon
    1566 days ago
    I am truly sorry for your loss. You definitely need to live your life to the fullest. "Life is good" and let that legacy live on through you. emoticon
    1566 days ago
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