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Psychological factor in weight loss

Saturday, March 08, 2014

This is a challenge for one of my teams that I almost forgot to do LOL. At least on a paper (computer). I've been working on it in real life though.

The first part is where I am or where I've been very recently as far as my weight loss goes. I had gained a little bit at home with my daughters. Mainly eating too much junk they brought into the house there and feeling stressed out and wanting to get them out of my house. Very long story and I won't go into the whole thing. However I was walking long distances daily, doing strength training and some water aerobics. That was before Halloween 2013, or a little over 4 months ago. Then everything changed and if you don't already know I had a stroke and major life changes. Upside down. Anyway, I spent almost 5 weeks in the hospital and then a couple of months in outpatient therapy and living with my son in a different state. Then insurance ran out for the therapy and I'm doing some on my own. But during the time of hospitalization I had nothing much to do except to look forward to whatever was going to be on the meal plate. I had a lot of problems with vision then due to a brain bleed and swelling in my brain so I couldn't read, do things on the computer, watch tv, look outside etc. Also very dizzy. I listened to tv with my head covered a lot. On Nov 21 I was moved from a hospital in Phoenix (home was in Silver City, NM) to a hospital that specializes in brain injuries and inpatient rehab in Dallas closer to my oldest son's home in Ft. Worth. I was there until Dec 3rd when I went to son's house (and family). There we had a menu to call in our orders for the day with all kinds of things on it. That was really fun for a foodaholic like me. Still main interests were food and therapy. Then I got out and ate what was at there house and where they went out to eat. I still continued to gain some weight back. Not to where I started but definitely too much. I felt like I couldn't change. But along with the food came also the dependence I had on my son and dil through this. I am not a person who depends on others most of the time, and everytime I have relied on people to take care of me or make me happy I've gotten hurt badly. They did an excellent job and first and were really helpful. Neither is good at long term care though. And I have found out I am not either. The fact they aren't there for me much now is actually a good thing, although it's been hard to deal with a t times. And what do I do when stressed? I turn to food!! I have such a hard time seeing it, but the fact that my family is not going to take care of me is really a good thing. It's been a major factor in losing weight for me though. And at the same time there is some grieving to this whole process. I am not home, I don't even have my home that rented anymore at this point. My daughters sent a some clothes when I had my car finally transported from a friend's house over here last week but not anywhere near what I need. It's 780 miles over there, where I guess they still have some of my stuff, but I can't drive there and flying into that rural town is a nightmare. I am trying to get my birth certificate, and other vital records that I don't have. If I send them money to send items to me I think they will spend it on other things. My daugthers' have a lot of problems. The point of all that is that there is grieving too, and my challenge is to separate what is legitimate grieving and what is dependence on others apart and make my life work. And find who I am and how I can lose weight in the process. It's in my brain and in my faith in God, who is the only one I've found to really lean on. Please understand I am in no way knocking my oldest son or his family. I am so very very grateful for what they have done. The problem is me when I expect things that aren't going to be there and often aren't even supposed to be there because I'm supposed to go a different direction.

Part 2 - so what does it mean for me going forward and how can I change this?

I have to remember that people, no matter who they are, do not hold answers for me. They hold treasures and the gifts they may have for me are to be treasured and used, but not to lean on anyone except my Higher Power who really does know what is ahead. This may be hard to some to read, but it is what has always worked for me. It may be hard but in the end I am happier. I love the people who have brought so much into my life. But I can't depend on them to keep me on feet. Only God and I can do that. So the past few days I've stuck to my food better because I am not turning to it because people can't do for me what I want. That's hard to remember though and every day I have to keep reminding myself of that. I've had to learn this in the past but then I forget again. I have to do it again and make it work for me. And I will and I'm doing it one day at a time. I also don't have to be what others may expect of me, or what I perceive they expect of me. When I am true to myself in lots of the other ways, my food comes more into place. And also my exercise on my own to keep getting better and better.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am sending you strength and love to handle all that you have to handle. I am glad that you are getting better everyday...and that is the most important right now and the weight loss will come again.
    1828 days ago
  • -WISPY-
    Loving your blog Linda, so happy to see you knowing what is necessary - and I agree with you 100 per cent. Expectations of others leads to disappointment and no expectations make what they are able to give a pleasure to be enjoyed.

    I too had to learn this lesson the hard way with one of my boys. I didn't even realise I had expectations at the time.......... strange looking back and we have such a wonderful relationship now.

    Blessings to you my friend and prayers always.

    Love Wispy emoticon
    1836 days ago
    That is so good you have a family like that, but when it is time to move on, like in your case eventually, I know you will be glad for it. It would be hard even for me to depend on anyone if something happened to me and my husband wasn't around. We get used to being on our own and doing things our own way. I admire your strength and determination. If you can get through what you just did, you can do anything!! I hope things go smoothly for you on the things you need to get done. Having faith in God does help us get through. Keep the faith! emoticon emoticon
    1838 days ago
    You ARE making progress, physically, mentally and emotionally. I was so glad to see you moving up on the run/walk leaderboard back to the top just like in the "old days"
    Hang in there and keep up with the physical therapy exercises even if it is harder on your own.
    1840 days ago
    This was an excellent post and it shows you are coming along very well. I hope you can get the items you need from your daughters. If not them can you get a grandchild to do it for you? I pray for your family and for you. Take care. It is so good to hear from you.
    1840 days ago
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    1841 days ago
    I've been reading all your posts but haven't left a comment in a long time. However, I really need to comment on today's post because I so strongly believe that what you say is true. I have thought so many times that God was truly watching out for you when you had the stroke at home when people were there to call 911 and get you to the hospital. It could have happened when you were out hiking by yourself miles from anyone. You might have been there all alone for days before someone found you. But God didn't let that happen. I have also thought that perhaps the stroke was God's way of getting you out of a very difficult and stressful situation that was not only not good for you but not good for your daughters either because they relied on you to take care of them instead of shouldering the responsibility for themselves and their children. You have been through tough times but you are doing so well. You just need to keep doing what you know is the right thing for you, which I believe is truly God's plan.
    1841 days ago
    You have great insight and a good going forward attitude! I can see your strength and independence, and your faith shining through.
    1842 days ago
    I feel like we went through some of the same things with regard to family. Things changed a lot for me after I had my stroke in August, 2010.
    I had already accepted that I can mostly depend on my higher power, whom I choose to call God and to do the best I can with what I have.
    God bless you, and I know He already has. emoticon emoticon
    1842 days ago
    You've been through so much and I often wonder who I'd rely on in times of emergency. I know that even helpful people don't have much staying power over the long haul. Hope things work out okay. If I were closer, I'd offer to help.
    1842 days ago
  • UNICORN212
    Linda - Just curious - would it be possible to give your friend a temporary power of attorney so she could get your papers, birth certificate and stuff? Then she could ship it to you? I know your ex could not help (how is he, anyway?)

    A lot of people would have given up. You have come far and have been so strong through all of this. And, yes, you have a ways to go, but you will do it - with a smile.
    1842 days ago
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