Not sure what to title this one. Just going with it..
Friday, March 07, 2014
I'm just going to ramble...get my thoughts down and out of my head. I'll analyze later or maybe tomorrow...or maybe just let it all go.
I began yet another chips and dip for dinner night. I stopped it! My healthy dinner is cooking now. I don't understand what gets into me and why I don't value myself enough to take the time to cook healthy. Yes I have problems...yes I have stress. But so do many other people. And my problems seem small compared to what others deal with.
While I was prepping my dinner so many thoughts and ideas ran through my head. I should have recorded them...or wrote them in my journal. But I didn't. I do feel I won this battle...tonight anyway. And I want to continue winning!
So I'm going to vent. Put it down in writing and try to let it go. I know this is not the format for venting but then again...at least for me....my weight problems are a result of holding things in....stuffing the feelings down with unhealthy, yet tasty (for the moment only) foods.
First.... winter. This winter has been difficult. Much too much snow and bitter cold temps. It did keep me in the house more than I wanted. Even our dog seems to be depressed this year. But..the positive side....the weather is warming up ....40 degrees today....a real heat wave! And going to get warmer over the coming week. Should melt the foot plus snow all over my property and the ice that has gathered in my gutters.
Next... my job. I began a new position last July. My co-worker is a Jekyll / Hyde personality. Yep...it's stressful. I'm very up front and honest... I am who I am....and I'll warn you if I'm in a bad mood and apologize ahead of time. I can be moody...but we all can. She is just...bizarre?? But I'm managing. Also my job responsibilities are increasing....taking on a new project that the previous person failed at.... miserably....and is passing it on to me. Joy!!! But I'll fix it and make it successful. I'll clean up her mess and make it a better program.
And lastly... still mourning the passing of my dad. He left us in July. His birthday was last week and a family friend had scheduled a mass to be said on his birthday. My family took off work, traveled over an hour to the church...only to discover....the mass was for someone else. The church messed up! We were hurt and a bit angry. After mass we went out for lunch together (and my family kept questioning whether "I" had messed up the date...stressful...but when I got home I found I was correct on the date)...after that we went to the cemetery...the first time I've been there since the funeral. It was sad. But I know my dad is at peace now. My daughter and I went to visit my mom on Sunday. She's in an assisted living facility. She has a very aggressive type of Alzheimers. She recognized our faces but had no clue how she knew us. She's so thin and frail. It's heartbreaking to see her this way. She knows my dad passed (we couldn't bring her to the wake or funeral. We wanted to but her behavior has been so inappropriate (bizarre actually..but it's part of the disease) ...it was a difficult decision but it was the right one. She still can't seem to understand or comprehend that he is gone. It's really sad to see. They were married over 60 years and so close.
This month is 4 years that my companion is passed over. I still miss him terribly.
But I know others have dealt with even more than me. So I'm trying to look at the good, positive things in my life. I will bounce back from all of this. I'm just not doing it as quickly this time...but I will bounce back.
I'm beginning by throwing out those chips and dips...they went right into the trash. And since I began writing this I enjoyed my healthy meal.
If you made it this far I want to thank you for listening. Please share your stories too. Sometimes just writing it down helps to get it out and LET IT GO!
Keep Sparking. It does work.