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Maybe I Should've Missed the Dance (WARNING: NOT A HAPPY HAPPY)

Friday, March 07, 2014

The other day, I heard a mother say that if she'd known how painful it would be to lose a child, she would have never had kids. It jolted me to hear that because, truth be told, I've often pondered the platitude, "it's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all."

It's like every time I hear a variation of that theme when Garth Brooks sings, "The Dance."
He sings, "Glad I didn't know, the way it all would end, the way it would go. Our lives are better left to chance, I would have missed the pain.... but I'd have had to miss the Dance."

Well, with all the loss I've had from early on in life, but especially these past 5 years, I have to say that I sometimes ponder that I really might have preferred to miss the dance. Sometimes the pain is just too much. Of course, cognitively, I understand and appreciate that I had such wonderful people in my life. People I loved and who loved me and helped make me who I am today.

But, yikes, I really could do without the pain. In fact, the other platitude about "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger" may not have taken into account that there are many ways to die. Especially when you lose children, parents, and others who are so very close.

Now, I'm not a sad sack and am not depressed. So no need to call the pharma to order me some meds. (smiling) I enjoy each day, but am just thinking on the blog. Just sayin.

Wishing all a happy, healthy day.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I have to say, I've been very fortunate but dread those days that I know will come. So, I can't say I know now, but I hope that I'll be able to appreciate "the dance" we had when the time comes.

    1535 days ago
    HI hun I can not see your Saturday blog, was interested to hear about your meal, hope you had a lovely time and thanks for your kind comments on my blog
    1539 days ago
    I have lost many loved ones and friends as well but they help make me the person I am today. I am grateful for the wonderful memories they left me with.
    1540 days ago
    I understand what your saying completely - like right now almost everyone that I am close to is knocking on deaths door - and yes , I feel that the chance is the part the journey that makes us stronger even with all the tears that we had shed that helps us to become teachers - hugs K - I know your not a sad sack - I do not need Big Pharma either - some of use are just older in different ways
    1540 days ago
  • NANCY-
    1540 days ago
    I fully understand hun, but now realise that some people are not as fortunate as us, the people who were in our lives where amazing.

    Always here for you x
    1540 days ago
    1540 days ago
    Losing my mother and then brother 6 months later was very hard. It was even more difficult to watch my dad go through these deaths. My own pain was suffocating at times, yet no where near as painful as my dad's. Were it better to have never had my mom and brother? Not for anything would I give up all those years of memories.

    Glad you are seeing the positives through the pain.
    1540 days ago
    “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." C.S. Lewis-The Four Loves
    1540 days ago
    emoticon I am going to think on this one.

    1540 days ago
    I can't imagine the pain of losing a child but I've lost 2 husbands. The empty feeling is bad enough.
    1541 days ago
    I'm right there with you. emoticon
    1541 days ago
    Its interesting how each loss leaves us feeling a different way. When each of my parents died they were in pain towards the end and while I am not a religious person, they both were, so I imagined them finally being reunited in heaven, hanging out, chilling with the angels and being pain free and gives me some happiness knowing that's where they are.

    Whereas I have had several long term relationships which have left me worse for wear and with a little tear in my heart that stubbornly refuses to mend.

    I hear ya:)
    1541 days ago
    "That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger." To get stronger you have to stretch those muscles and yes, it does hurt. I hear your pain.
    You said, There are many ways to die. Especially when you lose children, parents, and others who are so very close. Yes, it does feel like dying to lose loved ones. I've lost 3 children, 2 parents, and am losing my DB to cancer right now. When the pain is the greatest, I try to remember how lucky I was to have them at all. When I lost my children, I felt like I had to go with them to heaven to make sure they arrived safely. I curled up in the fetal position in bed and cried and waited to feel better. Finally, I was grateful that I had them even if it was for a short while. They made me appreciate life. Life is a gift from God. I thank Him for my life and for theirs. Losing parents is hard. You feel like you are becoming an orphan. No one can love you like a parent. If you felt there love you miss it. If you wanted their love and didn't feel it, you know that chance at love is now gone forever. The first time my mortality was real was when my parents died. Yes, I'm going to die. There I said it out loud. Every day is precious when you realize they are a limited number. Because I know this, I try not to waste a moment. I'm losing my DB and I have been blessed to help him deal with his terminal cancer diagnosis. He's scared. Who wouldn't be. He didn't know what to do and couldn't even hear the doctors advice. He just sat at home feeling bad and waited to die. We talk on the phone a lot because he lives in another state. Slowly, I reminded him that you've known you were going to die all your life. Now it just has a name. You aren't going to die today. So, what are you going to do today to live your life to the fullest? He is now going out several times a week with his friends playing pool and playing poker. That is what he was doing before his diagnosis. Yes, there will be tough days ahead and we'll have to face lots of challenges. We will face them when we have to but we will both live each precious day until they get here.
    Yes, I'm glad I didn't miss the Dance. I've had so many wonderful partners.
    Hope your heart heals so you can make the most of today.

    1541 days ago
  • DELIA38961
    I understand what you are saying. .I personally have not lost my children or parents yet but I've seen loved ones who have suffered through those situations and my heart aches for them
    1541 days ago
    the pain makes the pleasure that much more enjoyable... but i'm lucky, i've had a relatively pain-free existence.
    1541 days ago
    you are more healthy than those who refuse to feel the feelings. sounds like you are a red pill gal. I won't wish all this to be different. this is life. I also know you'll carry on.
    1541 days ago
    I'm with you also! The people that I've loved and lost are sorely missed, along with missed opportunities and missteps. And while I love spending a few minutes daydreaming of a do-over and how that would go, I also know that pain is part of life. Can't have one without the other. And life IS the dance, right?

    Take care, my friend!!
    1541 days ago
    I'm right there with you. There are many experience I've had that brought far more pain than joy. I know I would have been better off without them. I know I have been on the other end of that as well, where I brought someone else more pain than joy. It would have been far better if they had not experienced me. I do not ever want to be some one else's pain again.
    1541 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/7/2014 11:13:17 AM
    1541 days ago
    When to many bad things happen to close together have to be very strong So many are on a long path to recovery Some never make it
    1541 days ago
    1541 days ago
    1541 days ago
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