Thursday, March 06, 2014

Am I the only person who thinks this is just rude?

I have a friend.
I email her on occasion but I never speak to her. I don't even think I have her phone number any more. We knew each other in high school and reconnected years ago over facebook.

She invited me to her wedding. I was delighted to be included but surprised considering the vast distance geographically, but I sent a gift with my congratulations upon receiving the invite and told her I was not able to attend.

Then I got an invite (gift registry list included) for her bridal shower....
Couldn't attend, so I made a small gift and mailed it up.

Then I got an invite (gift registry list included) for her bachelorette party....
Couldn't attend but sent a small gift once again but began to get annoyed with this apparent pattern.

Now she is pregnant. I am happy for her and didn't think much of it since I literally haven't spoken to her since she got married last year. (I know you can see where this is going....)

Last night I get the mail and lo and behold, a baby shower invitation (gift registry list included). SERIOUSLY?!?!? I barely hear from her, I live over 20 hours away, and I am on a fixed income. ANOTHER GIFT?!?!?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Ok, I may be one of the crazy ones here, but honestly...I don't even GET the baby shower thing (and it isn't just because I'm bitter about my own troubles having a baby). I have never understood it. I know it is the norm to have a baby shower and I think it is appropriate with family and close friends. But seriously, inviting everyone under the sun just so you can get more gifts? When I eventually become a parent, I won't have a shower. I'll only have a "meet the baby" kind of party. Maybe. I had a tiny wedding because I didn't want gifts. I was a bridesmaid and saw my "friend" get upset about not getting everything she asked for on her registry. Since when did these celebrations become about Kitchen Aides and specialty baby items?

    Gosh. I'm really very weird about these things. I'm definitely extreme, I know!
    1834 days ago
    I would send send her a card with your best wishes and forget the rest. emoticon
    1839 days ago
    Oy... yeah... no. Send an (empty) card. Some people!
    1839 days ago
    You are so nice!!! I agree with the others. Don't feel obligated to send a gift for all her events. If you feel like you want to give a gift to help celebrate, then go for it. But otherwise, just send a card or even an e-mail or post something to her wall if you feel that a response is necessary. emoticon
    1839 days ago
    My husbands long lost relative sent a wedding invitation to the Bahamas we live in Pa.. Gary has NEVER seen this person, who knows how she received our address. No way would I spend the money on 2 plane tickets, plus a hotel, plus food bills, outfits, plus a wedding check,when we do not even know them. I sent a card and we never received a thank you for the money gift,so much for the love.No great loss, never heard from them after that, and that has been years ago!!
    1839 days ago

    You don't need to send a gift if you don't attend the event. Period. If you choose to send a gift, that is because you want to, not that you need to.

    And yes, she's just trolling for gifts. I'd send a card and maybe a cute (but inexpensive) stuffed animal, or a onesie, or something SMALL (and on sale! I love the baby clothes at places like KMart or TJ Maxx) - key is keep it inexpensive if you choose to send something.

    But don't feel obligated!
    1839 days ago
    I would have sent 1 gift for the wedding, 1 for the baby, etc. I don't buy into the pre wedding gifts, the party for the wedding gifts, then the wedding gifts. It should be 1 gift per event. IMHO.

    I'd send a card for the latest event. A gift is just that, a gift. You are not obligated just because someone sent an invite.
    1840 days ago
    I feel that if she's a good friend then she wouldn't have to expect a gift each and every time! Help! I don't really think that it's rude, it's just that she must like you so much to want to include you in everything. Everything for sure! emoticon Just do what you want to about it. I know that I'd probably just send a card. Afterall, you've showered her already over and over with your many gifts and gifts can be spendy alright! emoticon
    1840 days ago
  • no profile photo VICKI-B-N-FLA
    You don't owe her a thing. Sounds like she thinks you're her gift horse. Send her a card and say congratulations and let it go at that. I'd almost bet you won't hear from her again. emoticon
    1840 days ago
    Just send a nice card with a sweet note. If you never hear from her again, you'll know she was only trolling for gifts. Live & learn.
    1840 days ago
    I don't think you owe her a gift. I would just send a card of "congrats".

    I had something similar happen to me with someone who was a "work" friend. We talked often at work when we worked together, but never did anything together or talked outside of work. (This was also before Facebook.)

    I live in Michigan, and she got married and moved to California. By then, we were both on Facebook, but we still didn't communicate a lot on there. She knew that I had to stop working because of my health, and that I was also on a fixed income.

    After a year of not even seeing her post anything on Facebook, I actually got an invitation to her baby shower, in California! She actually included photocopied directions to her house and a list of hotels in her area.

    1840 days ago
  • -DAVE-
    Sounds like extortion or she's just innocently including all her friends the invitations maybe forgetting that you're on her long list...

    Your choice; my gut tells me that you'll be OK if you don't send a baby gift, but your emails may become more spars or extinct all together.

    My wife had something similar with a woman who was inviting us over for everyobdy's (family of 5) birthday, anniversary, surprise party, July 4, secret santa, "union" (I still am confused, that's when people don't get married but want the perks of a wedding I guess) and eventually we stopped going.

    Yeah, there is less communication, but nothing we can't live without. We see these people 2 times a year if that now. I'll live.

    Good Luck.
    1840 days ago
    Wow... Yeah I can see how this is annoying.
    1840 days ago
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