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Small Glimpses of Wisdom

Monday, March 03, 2014

Today, I will do something utterly revolutionary on this blog. I will be completely and totally real with you, my Spark friends (and even non-Spark enemies). No code names, no forced enthusiasm. Just...me.

To say this week was unexpected would be an understatement. What began as a simple hospital visit on Wednesday morning turned into a 3.5 day marathon farmer/babysitting gig. My stepdad was admitted to the hospital with severe pain in his left hand, which we thought for awhile, was sepsis. So dangerous. So scary.

I ended up helping my Mom by staying at her house for three nights to be with my 13 yr old sister. Also ended up taking care of all her animals (dog, cat, 2 rabbits and 3 horses). It was nice to be able to assist my Mom and spoil my family a bit (with yummy meals and Starbucks, etc) and to learn how to care for horses. But I won't lie. It was difficult, spiritually and emotionally. This week, I heard nurses ask my Mom unthinkable questions about my stepdad - things that she is not ready to face and, thankfully, won't have to for awhile. All of this has now caught up with me physically.

The most wonderful part of this week was that Todd (my dear Mr. T) was there for me and for my family every step of the way. He was the FIRST to visit the hospital and he was with me and my family every free moment this week. While I held my family together, this dear man held ME together. I will never be able to repay him for his support and kindness during this time.

Thankfully, the infection was just gout and a cyst, NOT sepsis. With super strong antibiotics and anti-inflammatories, the swelling and infection were contained and my stepdad finally came home yesterday.

Throughout this ordeal, ideas began to form in my head about how much really matters at this point in our lives. What is REALLY important?

Petty jealousy over pathetic and stupid schemes of unintelligent exes - their last ditch efforts to hurt us because we hurt them so deeply by not choosing them? By not wanting to be with them because our hearts had nothing in common?

OR the fact that we are together now? That our families will merge into one and, come hell or high water, this will happen? No amount of stupidity or threat will prevent Todd from loving my kids...or me from loving his or all of us from becoming the family we are meant to be. Not a natural family, but a special unit, nonetheless.

Here is the thing...there will always be unpleasant people that do their damndest to make our lives harder. But the fact is...this wonderful and infinitely loving man wants me. He chose me. He will live forever with me. How could I ever harbor any bitterness about anything with such a wonderful knowledge in my heart? He cares for me, he takes care OF me. He cooks magnificent meals for me. He loves my children like his own. He believes in himself and his dreams because no one believes in him more than I do. He can do anything. And I know he believes the same about me. It's just pointless to waste even a moment of emotional energy or attention on some ignoramus who has nothing at all to do with our happiness. Morons will be morons, you know?


Last night, Todd helped me select a wrist guard for my aching wrist (carpal tunnel is flaring for the first time in years). In addition to wrist pain, I was struggling with exhaustion from this draining week and almost felt nauseated just being upright, walking through the store. It was the first time since we've been together that I felt the gentle grip of middle age beginning to wrap its fingers around my heart.

I looked at Todd and said, "I can't believe we're doing this. I can't believe you're helping me with this. It's only going to get worse from here, you know." He answered, "Yes." And I was overwhelmed at the thought that he would choose to be with me, knowing that we face unspeakable pain together and deaths of parents and moving away of children.

At the same time, I felt so thankful that we still have enough youth left in us...that we re-united in time to try new things, to travel, to have ridiculous amounts of amazing sex and to love life together. To some, our marriage seems hurried and rushed....but for us, too many days and years have already passed. This is the time to LIVE. And I'm so blessed to get this second chance...to live out the rest of my days with my dearest and most intimate friend. emoticon

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm happy that you have love in your life! We all need that. To see ourselves through the eyes of someone who loves us. It's a great thing.
    1541 days ago
    You both look so happy in your picture. What an amazing thing, to find someone so special. Much happiness to you both!
    1542 days ago
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    Your family is beautiful because it has you.

    1542 days ago
    Beautiful blog. emoticon
    1542 days ago
    Oh honey... your family is the most natural family there can be. Love is what makes it so. My heart is so touched by your love and devotion to each other. I wish for you all your years together. Yes, you will fight - and make up. And be kind to each other and to all of those you love.

    Leah, having watched you come through this journey, I am full of joy at your happy ---not ending - new beginning! May love continue to bless you and guide you.

    1542 days ago
    What a blessing! emoticon
    1542 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    So glad your step-father is okay. It's lovely that you were able to help your mom and sister out.

    Sometimes we lose sight of what's important and become buried under all the petty, negative emotional obstacles people put in our paths. Our days become routine and we lose focus. It would be nice to remember what's important without having a crisis to deal with, though. I think I need signs that say: "Gratitude" and "Live in the Moment" to help me remember!

    Don't let others petty jealousy steal your happiness. What they think doesn't matter. They are the ones trapped in their resentment.

    It is wonderful to have someone in your life who loves and cherishes you and supports you, no matter what, isn't it? I'm lucky that I found that, too. We've been married for 40 years and still feel the same. It makes life so much more sweet when you have that kind of love.
    1543 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1543 days ago
  • HOLLYM48
    I am so happy that you found true love the 2cd time around. Life is short, live it like each day is your last and cherish the ones you love!
    1543 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    Yep, facing mortality, our own and/or loved ones, has a way of creating clarity, if one is open to this. You got the main message loud and clear -- more power to you to live your life in this clarity.
    1543 days ago



    1543 days ago
    1543 days ago
    Beautiful photo! Glad your stepdad is doing better.
    1543 days ago
    Love is so much better than the other things that our heads run away with sometimes.
    1543 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    I'm giving thanks for your stepdad's recovery, praying mindfully for you and your mom - you've been given a wake-up call about those end-of-life decisions that no one wants to face. It is SO much harder to face them *when* there is no choice.

    My heart is flooded with joyful tears at the supprot and love and peace and joy that is overflowing in your life and in your heart and in your words. (How's that for a run-on sentence?!)

    As much as you can, do not concede to middle age! You have worked too hard, you have paid your dues and, as you said, you have so much to live for to give an inch of your abilities!

    1543 days ago
    My Dear friend Leah;
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Enjoy each precious moment of your life. You have found the real thing, cherish it life has a way of changing and teaching hard lessons in a blink of an eye. Just love totally in each moment so you have no regrets for words left un-said. Just say what you love, let it go.

    Glad to hear your stepdad will recover, good time for him to start taking care of his life, it was so wonderful You & Todd could step in and help out.

    As for the ex-es you can't ever change them, that's why they are no longer Loves in your life. At some point just bless them for the time they were in your life but let them go encourage them to find love in their life, because they can't cause trouble in your life any more those days are over.

    I am so happy & proud of you. You are a strong beautiful capable woman loving the man of your dreams raising healthy happy children. Cherish your life right here right now don't wait, no more regrets. Live life & be happy now, look into Todd's eyes and know you are right where you are meant to be. Allow yourself to be happy. emoticon

    Many Blessings Always Debby emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1543 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    I absolutely L*O*V*E* that picture!! You make a very loving, cute couple!! You are both in it for the long haul..that is the blunt part of it.. for all the nasty things life has in it, but for the beauty, sharing, humor, honesty, selflessness.. you are both willing to now enjoy a mature, fulfilling relationship with another.. You ARE blessed.
    1543 days ago
  • MOM-MOM8
    emoticon So glad your Dad is doing well. It takes some people a lot longer to learn what you did this past week. Best wishes to your and your family. emoticon
    1543 days ago
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