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Days Like This

Friday, February 28, 2014

I knew there were going to be rough days. Everyone has them, but in my early recovery, I no longer have alcohol to numb those uncomfortable emotions. I knew it wasn't going to be all lolly pops & rainbows, but that doesn't make how I feel right now any easier...

It started off with Jonny reminding me about a vacation his parents want to take with the whole family to North Carolina in late June. There are a lot of reasons I don't want to go, but the main ones are (1) It's 6 days with his family & that's a LOT to me. My family vacations growing up were always full of drama & unlike when we hang out with them here, I won't be able to just go home if things get uncomfortable. Not to mention the fact that it won't even be my own family, who I'm okay disagreeing with... (2) It's $200 per person & to be honest, I'd much rather spend that money on an obstacle race or tri, but it's either that or go a week without Jon. I'll also be missing a themed 5K I had planned on going to with my friend Kristen... (3) We have told my parents we couldn't vacation with them for the last 3 years because Jon has a record (from long LONG ago) & can't go to FL (where they always want to go) without a lot of hassle & legal red tape. I'm afraid of hurting their feelings.

Sometimes I just feel like a selfish child. I'm older than Jon by two years, but it seems sometimes like I never do anything right. By simply expressing my feelings, I brought his mood about it down & now I feel like crap. I know I should go, but I just don't want to. I feel obligated, trapped. And if I don't go, I know Jon will resent it.

Anyway, now I'm just cold (it's freezing in my apt), sad, lonely, & guilty. I have a meeting tonight, so hopefully that will help, but I'm just in one of those funks where I don't feel like I'll ever be happy again. I won't drink, but boy would this have been a situation I would have in the past...

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Alcohol for me didn't just numb my feelings, but created a bunch of other unnecessary incidents that are unexplainable. He is your boyfriend, not your husband; you don't have grandchildren to present. You don't have to go. You don't have to be worried about their opinions of you. Those opinions would be grim in any case if you got drunk around them. The day will come when you can handle this. I read that Ringo Starr sends a driver around to locate meetings before he gets into a town so that he has places to escape to, and if anyone treats him like a star and not just another alcoholic, he moves on to the next one. I don't have the staff for that, nor the worry that I'll be seen as a Star, but I still, after all these years, find meetings and make contacts when I travel.
    1516 days ago
    Good for you for posting and sharing and not drinking. You're right - dealing with life situations without having the alcohol to numb your way through it will take some adjustment but you can do it. As for the vacation thing, I don't think your feelings are unwarranted. You need to do what you feel is right for you right now and hopefully he will understand.

    You will feel good again and you will be happy again - of that I can assure you. Just keep taking it one day at a time - and today is a NEW day, a NEW moon and a NEW month!
    1516 days ago
    You're in my prayers. June is far enough away that there really isn't any urgency about the issue, right? Maybe things will sort themselves out with a bit of time.
    1516 days ago
    Hi Pipps this its totally normal to feel like this. It's a raw place to be having feeling and no way to numb out . I'm sure getting to the meeting helped. It's okay to talk about these things. If you don't want to take the trip just tell him but do take a day or two to think it over. It's not worth drinking over and if you think you might drink over the trip don't go. He is a grown man and you can't let him make you feel responsible for his feelings. You need to take care of yourself and he needs to respect that. emoticon
    1517 days ago
    I agree with JODROX
    Maybe give it a day or two to mull over. In the end if you are still opposed to going I would stick to your decision. Explain to your boyfriend why you don't want to go and hopefully he will understand.

    Stay strong.

    1517 days ago
    emoticon That is one of those rock/hard place problems... No easy answer for you. Maybe give it a few days to mull over and weigh the pros and cons, and the right decision will come to you?

    I've been married for almost 25 years, and we take separate trips, for a whole variety of reasons, and it's okay. YMMV.
    1517 days ago
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