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Thursday, February 27, 2014

I have had a lot of stress in my life lately. Some of the ways I have dealt with my stress has caused me more stress. I have overate, spent too much money shopping, and bottled up my emotions. My mom is not doing well and her increased confusion has been one source of stress. Shes in the hospital now and I had to miss a class at work while I was taking care of her yesterday. My 18 year old son Kyle is a senior in High School. He failed 3 classes last semester and I am paying $240.00 for credit recovery classes in the hopes that he will still graduate. His dad thinks I'm wasting our money and he won't finish these classes. Maybe hes right but I have to try. I also think Kyle is abusing alcohol or drugs. He quit his part time job, stays out late at night with his friends, doesn't come home at all on the weekends and recently he wet his bed. I think he must have been high or drunk to wet his bed at his age! He has a big bottle of mouthwash he uses a lot. I think he does it to cover up alcohol breath. My oldest son Michael is still not speaking to me Its been almost a year now. My teen daughters confuse me. They yell at me and throw fits about minor things, like I didn't get their favorite outfit washed etc. Often its because they didn't put it in the laundry in the first place. The item is often crumpled up under their bed or in their back pack. I tell them that I will wash, dry, fold and put away but I refuse to search for the dirty laundry. I expect them to put it in the hamper. Then later they hug me and act like nothing happened after yelling at me. I feel like the whole family dumps their stress on me! I don't know what I'm supposed to do with mine. I'm feeling very tired and depressed. emoticon
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    Dear Karen, I felt so sad reading this... I wish I could offer good advice. When I read this, I feel you are dealing with so much, including teenage children!!! As for your Mom, I can understand so well, and it breaks my heart for you! Please, please, take good care of yourself. Learn to put yourself first in occasions (like a couple of times a week, with something that you love and want to do for yourself...). I think it would help you cope a bit better with this very very stressful context. You are doing more than you can for everybody else... Now, try and do what you can for you!
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    2349 days ago
    emoticon Thinking of you and wish I had some wise words of wisdom to offer. emoticon
    2349 days ago
  • LINDA!
    You have already been offered great advice. I would just like to add that your son may need some help if he is consuming enough alcohol that he has to use mouthwash on his breath. If you feel that he is in trouble with either drugs or alcohol, please find help for him.

    So sorry that you are in the middle of this stress. emoticon
    2350 days ago
    Listen to JEANNETTE59's wise words. Take care of yourself. emoticon
    2350 days ago
    emoticon emoticon I so know where you are coming from. Stress does not do the body well at all. Hate to see what my cortisol levels are this month from it..

    try to remember all these things one day will have an ending.. one day your kids will be parents and will finally understand what they have done to you
    2350 days ago
    At the end of last year my DD told me she has a boyfriend-- we talk about everything even what were weird mother daughter things and have a great relationship,-- but I knew nothing of this and it was a shock to me.
    She was away up north doing a rotation and never really came home except to grab some stuff and move out. At the time I was lost and confused and hurt. She has such a great life ahead butshe changed her mind wasn't going to do intern year, would work and do a diploma course at uni. then that changed too and she just wanted to work.
    So many other strange changes to her ideas..sigh... I decided to just keep talking to her and not mentioning anything unless she asked for my advice. Five months later she has decided to do the diploma and just made the enrolment and work part time. She is even talking about the intern applications again. Phew.
    When she was at home I did everything for her to help her keep going at uni, washing cooking spare money when i had it but the most important thing I gave her was a listening ear and special Mum time. Her 'new' familyis loaded with money and take trips overseas have 'everything' but no relationships with their children.
    So I'm going to continue to make her feel listened to and appreciated and loved no matter what her decisions because I know I've done my best to bring her up properly and she will have learned from that.
    I agree with the others that you need time for yourself to be able to have time to give others. What calms you? Makes you feel alive? Even a small amount of time to find some joy for you.
    Hope it helps to know you are cared for by us and we feel your pain. hugs.
    2350 days ago
    2350 days ago
    (((gentle hugs))) and emoticon .
    2350 days ago
  • no profile photo JEANNETTE59
    "Me Time".....where does it fit into your life? My guess is it doesn't. Me Time isn't you being selfish, it is your lifeline to sanity. Your teenagers are old enough to take care of their own laundry and to make a simple dinner at least once a week.
    Do they have chores? If not put together a schedule and post it!

    You are a wife, the mother of 9, a grand mom, a nurse and a caregiver for your mother. My guess, and I hope I'm wrong, is that you get very little help with anything.

    So stop make a list of simple things you can do to give yourself a break. What do you find relaxing? A long soak in the tub or a hot shower.....start with something as simple as that.

    Ask God for the strength to ask for help from your family, friends and church and also for the strength to accept it. No one can handle all that you are trying to do without stressing out. We were not created to be perfect we were created not only to care for each other, but to be cared for by them. emoticon emoticon
    2350 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13674406
    Chantenay has offered wonderful advice. I don't have much to add except to let you know that I read your blog and that I wish you peace and strength while you are going through this difficult time.

    2350 days ago
    You certainly do have a load on you. At least the girls have apologized to you. That does mean something. Ask Kyle if he wants a diploma. I don't blame you for trying! It's so important. I have a hunch that his choice of friends is his problem.

    The kids might be reflecting the time that your mother has required of you. It might not be a bad idea to consider some help for your mom. If you have exhausted the home health option, maybe even a nursing home. I hesitate to give advice, though. These are just a few ideas. Have you tried a caregiving Spark team for more support.

    emoticon and remember this is not your fault! I have met numerous parents in recent years who have had problems with their kids. Your son may not finish his recovery classes but at least he can't say later that you didn't provide options. Have you talked to his guidance counselor yet? They may have a high school completion program that will work for Kyle. Don't worry about Michael now; stick with the immediate needs of yourself and your household. A talk with a psychologist could be a good idea so you have someone in your corner to support you.

    You and your hubby hang tight. The two of you should have some time together; alone would be nice. It would be good for the kids to see you doing that. A dinner out, maybe even an overnight stay.

    Is there something that everyone might like to do together? Like maybe even a resort with a waterpark if there is one not too far away. You all might enjoy a visit or weekend there. Young people do well to get out in the greenery, so maybe a hike in a nearby nature reserve if they will agree to that when it warms up. There are winter outings and events in state and county parks in my area, so you may not have to wait until then. They need to understand that a family is a team, or should be. Best wishes, keep in mind yourself, take care of yourself, my friend!

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    2350 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/27/2014 1:37:36 PM
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