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Confession and Resolution...

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Well, it’s been a while, and this time I’m finally ready to admit the real reason why I keep straying…

I’m an alcoholic.

So there it is. I’ve had issues with alcohol since I started drinking at 17 & after 11 long years, I’ve finally given up trying to control it. After years of lying to myself & others, putting myself in dangerous situations, & ending countless relationships because of it, I’ve decided to quit & live a sober life. I’m currently 12 days sober, working on my 13th & I couldn’t feel better about my decision & myself.

Without getting into the sordid details, it was bad – REALLY bad – so bad, in fact, that the withdrawal nearly killed me. I never want to go through that again & with the help of my local AA chapter, friends, family, & online communities, I never will.

I’ve used the money I’m saving from not buying booze to purchase a membership to my local Y so I can get back into training for triathlons. My current gym doesn’t have a pool, but I don’t want to quit because it’s a lot closer than the Y & I just plain like it better. I could never justify paying the extra fee though, because I seemed to always be living paycheck to paycheck. With the alcohol expense gone though, it’s an investment I no longer have trouble with.

More often than not, when I fell off the diet & fitness wagon it was because I was too drunk or hung over to plan meals or go to the gym. I know there will still be difficult times ahead, but at least they will be for reasons unrelated to that self-sabotaging habit.

At first I was scared. Alcohol had become such a big part of my identity. I couldn’t imagine hanging out with friends, my boyfriend, going to a party or other social outing or even just a few hours without drinking. Heck, even at the end of obstacle races, they normally offer you a free beer. But as I attend more meetings, tell more people, & really start to focus on my recovery, I’ve realized that I am not that bad choice & life can be just as fun, exciting, & meaningful if not more so…sober.

…not to mention how much I’m looking forward to losing the beer gut… LOL.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I was so happy to see you back on SP. I am even more happy to read this. I have been in AA for 13 years. Welcome home friend, you are not alone anymore. I'm here anytime. It does get better. emoticon
    1546 days ago
    Congratulations on beginning your sober journey. I'm glad to hear that you are a member of AA and have the support of friends and family. I'm approaching my 12th sober year in AA in a few weeks. Life, and all its ups and downs, is so much better without alcohol.
    Wishing you all the best.
    1547 days ago
    Proud of you. It takes a lot of courage to admit to admit these things to ourselves. It seems so much easier to go on lying to ourselves and others. big hugs! Love ya lady! You CAN and WILL do this.

    1547 days ago
    What a brave and honest blog post!

    We are here to support you in your sobriety.

    Stay Strong!
    1547 days ago
    You are a brave and strong person and you can do this!!!
    I'm sure you've already heard to "stick with the winners" and stay away from the losers...
    Thank you for such an honest post!
    Please do stay in touch. We all want to help each other...
    1547 days ago
    Great blog/post! We're here for you to support you on your sober journey!

    I gather you've visited some of the links on the team that are good resources? So happy to see you back here and I do hope you'll be posting more often again. We missed you!! emoticon
    1547 days ago
    I'm so proud of you. That brutal honesty with yourself and making the choice to live a better life -- those are the first steps, perhaps the hardest steps. You are such a strong person! You are going to ROCK this!
    1548 days ago
  • JLBOCK612
    1548 days ago
    I love that last poster!
    1548 days ago
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