Aaand She's Gone
Saturday, February 22, 2014
I weighed 122 pounds on my wedding day. I look back at the pictures now and see that I was rail thin. But my self image at the time was terrible. Years of yo-yo dieting and low self esteem had taken their toll and I felt bloated and ugly no matter what others tried to tell me. It was a beautiful day though, and for a moment; when my husband first saw me in that gown and caught his breath, I felt like a Princess.
Life happened fast after that. Always in financial crisis and my beautiful babies coming one after another. And the weight just kept piling on. My five kids and my husband were my world. My anxiety issues, depression, and terrible self image could not be allowed to hold me back from caring for them, so I stuffed it all down with food and forged ahead.
For 13 years I worked as an LNA and then off to nursing school for my LPN and my RN. Anxiety and shame over my ballooning body kept me almost completely homebound other than work and school. I got little to no exercise and my joints HURT from all the weight I had put on. Depression just kept the cycle rolling.
By the time I had the Rock-Bottom moment I wrote about in my first blog entry I was 310 pounds and until that day,entirely without hope of ever regaining my self.
I can now proudly say I have lost 122 pounds. An amount equal to what I weighed on that beautiful summer day more than 20 years ago. I still have my loving husband, and 5 beautiful children. I wouldnt trade them for the world. But that frightened anxious self loathing chain-smoking young woman ? She is GONE.