40,000-49,999 SparkPoints 45,355

Stop the world, I want to get off

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Having a massively blah few days. Barely want to stop in here and see what’s going on. Making myself type something out, just to do it, and if you are reading this, then it means I had more wherewithal than I suspected when I started scribbling around 1 AM, Sunday 16th Feb.

Why? Not sure. Work might play a role. Working from home, for an organization bringing in help for what they expected to be a busy period. Our (the outside help) role wasn’t entirely defined, so it shifted a bit the first couple of weeks, and now we’re told we’re supposed to hit metrics that are proving a bit unrealistic. So that’s a bit stressful. Something to be said for just grinding away and doing what’s feasible. But our team leader is getting leaned on by the organization’s people, and in turn, we hear about it. In a nice way, of course, but…it still weighs, y’know?

So that’s me whining about work stuff, which you really don’t care about. You probably also don’t care to hear me whining about my utter lack of a social life. Woops. I mean, at this point, I’d be shocked if I actually posted this as a blog. I mean, the self-…loathing might not exactly be the right word…I’m looking for more of a not-giving-much-of-a-crap synonym here, but I’m blanking, since it’s 1:15 AM….anyway, it’s a cavalier attitude, borne yet again out of job uncertainty, and really not liking where I am in life at an age where stuff was supposed to be settled into some groove. And yes, I know, I know, this is America where you can just make it up as you go along until you find said groove. I loathe that platitude, even as I use it to describe my scattered path. Come to think, that may be why I loathe it.

Listening tonight to some Galactic Cowboys, one of so many bands that “really should have been so much bigger”. Not feeling rage myself, but the song “Feel the Rage” is a good place to start if you’ve never heard the band before.

Take a trip, step outside
Of this fishbowl life
Voice recalls, ceramic youth
In pots of broken truth


Got carded again last night. Maybe when I’m 40, that’ll stop happening? Shouldn’t have shaved, the growing grey patch in the beard would probably immunize me from having to pull out my ID.

The title that I just placed at the top of the MS Word document (since it’s 2:15 now, and I might as well share the thinks rattling through my skullspace, right?) are from a different band, Extreme, and their song, “Stop the World,” www.youtube.com/w

The mood I’m in, though, there’s a far more relevant track on the “III sides to every story” album, called, “Am I ever going to change?” that screams to be posted.

Please tell me if it’s true, am I too old to start anew?
cuz that’s what I want to do.
But time and and time again, when I think I can
I fall short in the end


Reality says, I haven’t fallen short. Mental short circuits are whispering ‘yet’.

Weight wise, I have fallen short. Mental short circuits are whispering, “why try holding back the wave? You’ll only drown in the changes”
(apparently, a queensryche song has wormed its way into the matrix (specifically, “My Global Mind” www.youtube.com/w

It’s now 2:45 and I think I’m done rambling. Haven’t scribbled anything worth anything in the last 15 minutes, so maybe it’s time to flip the mental coin on whether to actually share this mess. Or wait until daybreak to make the decision. I think I won’t do that, though, since there are many pieces of broken memories contained in other late night ramblings that I chose NOT to share, for some reason or another. This one, I think, I won't bury, maybe?
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Life is full of emoticon days,
    with just enough emoticon
    days thrown in there to keep you going, if you're lucky,
    and not too many emoticon days.
    It's just a job.

    1573 days ago
    1582 days ago
  • SOFT_VAL67
    i would jump for joy if i got carded lol
    1584 days ago
    BTDT! - I am older too - I can report - I got carded on my 40th birthday! It was kind of funny. I think she was carding everyone, but still. I can only send sympathy on the whole work thing. Being grown up isn't what it looked like from the child's point of view, is it?
    1585 days ago
  • KMM1123
    Hi friend! Things kinda suck for you right now, huh? Believe me - I know the feeling. But the fact that you posted this to the Spark-universe is a good thing. It means you haven't given up on this part of your life yet.

    Please know that no matter how out of balance your world currently is, you need to make yourself a priority. A job is just a job. No one goes to their deathbed worrying over their past careers. So your life groove happens to be taking the scenic route? Who cares?

    And if this isn't how you pictured yourself when you were younger - then change it. Or at least fake til you make (I can't believe I wrote that phrase cause it sounds so annoying - but it fits here). Just start working on yourself and the rest will fall into place.

    Now get back to posting blogs about dominating teenagers in basketball or obsessing over that miniature tennis thing you were playing before or bragging about your wicked awesome bar trivia skills. Whatever you do... Just have fun.
    1585 days ago
  • MUDGE4
    I love your open-ness and willingness to share how you're really feeling. We've all been at that blah place. I'm hoping that when you wake up this morning, you'll be ready to hit it with all that you've got!
    1586 days ago
    Well-----get back into the ""stream"--LOL---- You can do this!-Lynda
    1586 days ago
    it's not like any of us have never been there..... worrying about this or that .... the thing is doing that won't change a thing...... you have to do what you need to do for yourself. Thanks for trusting us with your ramblings emoticon
    1586 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    You could walk into any stadium, ask for a show of hands of people that know what they want to be when they grow up... MAYBE one hand would peek out from the crowd..

    I was going to be a nun, park ranger, Drill sergeant, Occupational Therapist, caterer, nanny, beekeeper... I am NONE of those things now or ever.. got four more years until retirement..

    so you are not weird, alone, nuts or odd. Just human..

    "Life IS a job."
    -Father Guido Sarducci
    1586 days ago
    1586 days ago
    life is a journey take it little by little and see the successes then the failures dont seem so huge
    1586 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by AHTRAP