A severed relationship, fast food
Monday, February 10, 2014
Last Tuesday marked 2 months since I indulged in fast food. My doctor diagnosed me at the beginning of December with GERD, and my blood pressure was a tad bit higher than in check ups past. This absolutely frightened me. I've lived obese the majority of my life. I only remember once in my life where I felt, "skinny." I never really experience problems with my health such as diabetes, high blood pressure, or stomach issues. I made a decision back in December that if I was going to succeed living a healthy lifestyle, fast food had to go for awhile. A challenge I was willing to take.
For years, I've eaten fast food 1-3 times a week. In college, every one around me did it. Peer Pressure I suppose. We'd go on "fat runs" up the highway to Mc'd's, Taco Bell, or Burger King. My roommates and I would go all hours of the day. Finals? FAT RUN! Boyfriend dumped you? FAT RUN! Boy, how we'd feel terrible afterwards committed to losing weight, living in the campus gym for a few weeks, only to end up back in the car in the drive-thru for half price shakes at Sonic.
When I got married, I began cooking at home. I thought, "this would save us so much money." Nope, I still ate out just as much and eventually behind my husband's back.
The dollar menu enticed me every night when I'd get off work, when stressed out or emotional, or even when I'd be out running errands. I never went in to a restaurant, sat down, and enjoyed a meal. It was continually craving and snacking. I realized through counseling and self-evaluation I was feeding an emptiness, a deceiving emotion, and overall craving the high fast food gave me. My last post goes more into detail on how my family would tell me "no." Fast food was my fix-all, and my, "i don't give a damn, i want this, you won't say I can't have it, you won't tell me "no," I'm a grown woman and will eat what I please." Sadly, fast food was my friend that only made me feel worse.
I'm sitting at Arby's on December 3rd eating. My stomach churned and gurgled from the grease I consumed. I got home completely filled with conviction and anxiety. I told myself, "i can't keep doing this, what can I do, everything I do fails, I know what to do, but I fail!!!!" Running through my mind are thoughts of having a child, growing our family, and for once in my life feeling BETTER about myself. One step at a time. First, get rid of the fast food.
The next day I prepared for battle. As I readied myself for work, I walked into the kitchen stuffing my purse with 2 apples. I drove into work and passed all the places I loved, no problem. As I was leaving work 9hrs later, the temptation began. I yearned for my usual double cheeseburger with extra pickle. In anger I grabbed one of the apples out my bag and chomped on it. Each day grew more difficult. I literally felt I was in withdrawal. Once I pulled into a drive thru, but when the lady asked for my order, I sped away in panic.
So how do I feel? Wonderful. Carrying my snacks with me are huge help. My husband and I still eat out, but fast food isn't a choice. Altogether in the past 2mos I've had fried food about 5 times but in super small portions, for example, sharing fries at Friendly's or asking for only a few. I'm trying my best to go by the 80/20 rule I learned from clean eating: healthy, clean eating 80% of the time, 20% of the time flexibility if I desire a snack or food I really enjoy(mmm milkshake, but the smallest on the menu at real ice cream place).
I have a long journey, and I'm finished with denying and neglecting it. I can't succeed with super-strict discipline or extreme diets. I have to find what works for me with a few non-negotiables. Fast food is my non-negotiable, I'm addicted, and it must go. Will I welcome it back in my life? I'm not sure. But with the way I feel now after 2 months, I'm not sure the presence is necessary.
I may not lose as fast of the next, but I'm losing, and that's a victory.