15,000-19,999 SparkPoints 18,889

I think I might die

Sunday, February 09, 2014

Overdramatic? Yes. But I'm sure it caught your intention!

PS: I'm slightly drunk. Majorly tipsy. Majorly sick.

I'm home with my parents. There are SO many temptations here. I have AWFUL self control. I don't buy foods I know I'll indulge on. I don't buy nuts, I don't buy nut butters, I don't buy chocolate (even the 100% pure cocoa powder!), I don't buy eggs, and I don't buy bananas (the latter two allow me to make a microwave brownie. An apple or apple sauce can substitute the banana, but apples are my snack while at work, so I always have a bunch of them). But all these foods? They are here. At my parents house. Stocked full. There is also cheese, god help me. I miss cheese.

So what do i do? I always roam the fridge when I get another glass of wine. When I'm at home, that roaming entails grabbing a handful of blueberries/strawberries/or just giving up because I don't REALLY need to graze the fridge. But when I'm with my parents? There are a plenty of chocolate bars (some I can actually eat!), there are english muffins for my brother. There is plenty of cheeses. There is plenty of meats. There is peanut butter. There are always bananas for the dog. There is always cheereos for the dog. There is EVERYTHING I avoid. Now generally, I only indulge in the peanut butter, bananas, eggs, and chocolate. I'm good at avoiding the gluten containing products and I'm good at avoiding the chocolates that have soy. But every time I avoid those foods I go into panic mode. I get really anxious and I start freaking out because I'm avoiding the foods I know I'm allergic/sensitive to.

So what did I JUST do? Count them, 3, eat THREE whole protein bars. Full of dairy, soy, and corn. Probably gluten, too. THREE. That's probably 500 calories (one of them was a snack bar). Did I need them? Heck no. Do I feel sick? Yup. I'm totally going to regret it in the morning, I'll be in SEVERE stomach pain. I'm going to hate my life. LIke majorly. I'm use to it. Hopefully I won't end up the fetal position.

I just have AWFUL self control. Like really bad.

That nutritionist I contacted? I think I forgot to mention she specializes in disordered eating habits. I just have to reach out to her again and take her up on that free phone call. I was doing so well last week too, and I just blew it. Ok. Doing well? That means my ONLY protein was 2 slices of turkey bacon with lunch and the protein found in veggies. So nutritionally well? If you count eating fruit, veggies, and two slices of turkey bacon every day healthy then no. But I just want my veggies. That's all I want. But tonight. I blew it. And measurements are in a week. I can recover in a week. I hope.

I feel sick.

I'm disgusted with myself.

I'm regretting the morning.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LYNSEY723
    Well, it's 2 days later... I hope you are still alive! I'm sorry to hear that you are going to be in pain. I totally understand where you are coming from. Doing something you know you shouldn't be, and doing it anyway - despite the consequences.

    I hope you have recovered and are back on the right foot now. Keep pushing. You can do it.
    1565 days ago
    Oh, boy, have I been there. On all counts. I hope you find it within yourself to forgive yourself for last night's indulgences. It's a new day. Hit the "reset" button. emoticon emoticon
    1566 days ago
    it was one bad day and this journey is just as much mental as it is physical. talk with the nutritionist and maybe she has wise words of wisdom on how to handle it next time! I have the same problem when I go to my parents house and eat everything I see!
    1566 days ago
    One bad day doesn't kill all the good things you have been doing. As you said you can recover! emoticon
    1566 days ago
  • LEST6549
    Sounds like me also. Although, I'm in my own home! This is where I do my damage. If I were staying at my brothers for a week, then I would lose weight. Just the opposite of you.
    Don't be hard on yourself though! Like you said "I can recover." And you will.
    So will I.
    I've made my mind up to stop eating at 12pm, 2pm....etc. I was successful last night, and this morning I'm down a pound.
    Just think, if I were able to continue like that, I could lose tons of weight.
    Enough about me.
    I can identify with your problem. Well, somewhat, not completely. I do know how it feels to try and turn off those temptations. Extremely difficult. But we will succeed.
    1567 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/9/2014 6:08:10 AM
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by CANES4EVER63