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Dear Skippy Reduced Fat Chunky Peanut Butter:

Saturday, February 08, 2014

Dear Skippy Reduced Fat Chunky Peanut Butter:

You and I must sadly part ways. It may be only for a short time but for now I need to bid you adieu. You have been a good friend to me in times when I needed just a little scoop but sometimes you are just too clingy….to my hips, my stomach….well all of me. My addiction to your friendship is strong and I do hope that our parting does not cause you great suffering.

I know that we have already had times of not being together. Who knew that in Brazil people do not know what peanut butter is. I had them searching high and low when I first went there for 5 weeks for work. Alas you were not to be found although I called out in the middle of the night for you. I vowed to never go there again unless I had you close by my side and I kept that promise. When I went back a few years later for two weeks I smugly packed you in my suitcase so that we would be together in that distance land.

But I cannot continue this. I need you every day and that is not right. Most weeks I buy you on a Saturday and by Wednesday…..you are gone. It is not right to keep using you like this. Your friend the one slice of pumpernickel bread must go too. I know you are reduced in fat and crunchy and I am sad to let you go but I must make other friends. I need to hang out more with the apples, oranges, and carrots. They are brighter and loaded with so much more than you could ever be.

Darn you peanut butter for the hold you have on me!!! No, no….I really must leave you. May you find your perfect jelly one day and cling to her and as you have clung to me. So long dear friend. I will miss you….

Sincerely,
Me…..

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