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You Need to have a Breakdown to have a Breakthrough

Tuesday, February 04, 2014

I don't have much to put into words right now but I am definitely going through a breakdown lately. I don't know what is holding me back from my goals but I am doing downright awful! No matter what I try it just doesn't seem to give me enough momentum to keep going. I know I need help, which is what I have been trying to find through therapy but I'm not finding quite the things I need right now.

Part of me just wants to withdraw from everything and not give a dang but that is partly why I'm here in the first place. That and listening to all the negatives influences in my life call me fat and obese, including my husband. It hurts, and no matter how much I try to laugh it off, it doesn't take the hurt away. I so want to prove him wrong by losing the weight and getting healthy, but I can't keep on track.

I know the best thing to do is take any form of action, something is better than nothing.

I'm trying to figure out what would be the most motivating to me and help me the most. I have thought about joining a gym but I have had memberships in the past that I was never good at using so I'm not sure if that would work or make me feel more guilty. But on the other hand, I won't have an excuse of the weather or no equipment because I have a membership. But I do hate going to a crowded gym so that is a turnoff.

I have thought about getting a treadmill or elliptical but considering I just paid down my credit card, I really don't want to rack it back up again. I also have given thought to a bike trainer but not sure if that would be something I would stick with either.

I do have a Wii to use the Wii fit and a couple of workout DVDs but the issue I find I'm having is that DH or someone always interrupts and then make comments on how I look doing the video. It's not fun to be laughed at that's for sure. At least at a gym I know it wouldn't be as personal of a blow if someone said crap about me and I would wear headphones anyway so that wouldn't make a difference.

Otherwise if I wasn't so snowy and cold out I would get out and walk walk walk. But living in Chicago that is not a perfect option either as I can't go too many places by myself without feeling like my safety is compromised. I love the forest preserve but it only takes one creep and I'm screwed for sure.

Guess I will have to keep brainstorming to see what I can do to get back on track. Lots to think about.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am really sorry that your family doesn't support you. I started the year sick myself and it seemed to take away what little ambition that I had. I'm looking for it, too. I was thinking this morning of how I used to get up before everybody else and get my exercising in. I think I need to start doing that again. Maybe we can make a pack to do that. No one would be watching, interrupting, or commenting. We can just send a sparkmail to each other every morning when we are done. ????
    1534 days ago
  • DLYNCH86
    emoticon February is tough for everyone. Sorry you're not getting home support. Decide what you like doing and want to do rather than what you think you should do. Don't let your current fitness level limit your dreams for what you would like to do - just add in extra goal steps to get there. And don't beat yourself up so much about the things you don't do/ didn't do/ failed to do - every single person on this site has been there done that - you're in great company. emoticon
    1534 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    You are moving forward by simple thinking about this!! Sorry hubby is unsupportive. Have you ask him to keep his comments to himself? You truly are beautiful inside and out!! You also have support here! emoticon

    One other thought, have tried Walk away the pounds with Leslie Sansome? She has videos on utube, she makes it possible to do it in a small place if necessary. Maybe you could pull it up on a laptop and do it in the privacy of your own bedroom. I have issues with public exercise too. I know I look bizarre, but I'm sweating so it works. My DH understands my need to exercise in private so he respects my exercise time.
    1534 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/5/2014 5:54:29 AM
    planet fitness has a no commitment plan for only ten dollars a month and nobody pays you any attention while working out. I used to think that to til I realized they probably was thinking that too when they first started working out in unknown territory. What about a zumba or a motivational class of some sort. Zumba is lots of fun and you get to meet new people who may have similar stories just thought I would share. Sometimes you have to find one little thing you love about yourself and toot your own horn...
    1534 days ago
    What I'm seeing is lack of support and a feeling that you're on your own.
    I'm also seeing a lot of ideas about what you want to do and know you need to do, but maybe you getting overwhelmed at the thought and not knowing where to start? Also, trying to do so much at once for some of us causes a lot of frustration.

    I would seriously consider the Beck Diet Solution. The book includes a 6-week plan of action. It basically forces you to really get in touch with your relationship with food.

    In the past, I would have joined a gym, sworn off a whole group of foods, went cold-turkey and said "this time it is for real, I'm giving this 100%".

    This time, I've recognized and accepted the fact that I can't go all-out. I can't exercise 7 days a week and eat perfectly and log every bite all at one time.

    This time, I'm taking it not only one step at a time, but one day, week and month at a time.

    This is the first time I can say that I'm over a month in and haven't hit a wall, haven't felt defeat. I'm no longer interested in dropping 10 pounds in a month, killing it on a treadmill or eating 800 calories a day. I want this to be a lifestyle change and that's what I'm doing.

    First month was all about tracking - try to be within range, not beating myself up if out of it. I can tell you that better to be 100 calories above range when tracking than 1500 above when not tracking.

    This month, working on weaning out carbs and going primal/paleo.

    March - adding in exercise.

    and so on.

    Check it out :)
    1534 days ago
    That is awful. I hate it that you are going through this regarding your husband. Is your husband frightened that you are trying to change? Privacy would be nice when you are on the wii.
    Have you thought of journaling? (I hope I haven't mentioned it before.) It saved me! It's always on the top of my list to recommend.
    1534 days ago
  • KATIE5668
    sounds like you need the support you could get by going to the gym with a friend..or joining a group like WW & thru that you might find some other activities
    in your area that are safe & have enough people around to not worry. It is hard when you have no support & it really takes digging inside yourself & realizing you have to do this for YOU..for your health & to enjoy life more. But yeah I even have to admit there is that lil part of us that would like to achieve our goals & then say..There SEE I DID IT!..good luck honey & I can only say ..we are here on this site to support & encourage each other...
    1534 days ago
    Oh my gosh, sorry to hear that even your family is being unsupportive. That sucks. The gym sounds like a good option for you, but best if luck with whatever you decide. You are beautiful and capable just as you are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! They should love you just as you are and hold you up, never tear you down. Good luck on your journey! I hope you have a beautiful happy day tomorrow!
    1534 days ago
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