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Quitting...not quitting....

Friday, January 31, 2014

Not trying to be a drama queen.....I really am continuing to wrestle with this decision. I know that no one else can make the decision for me and I think that is what I want. I want someone else to say, "Yes, continue Biggest Loser!" or "No, you can quit." I mentioned to three people this week that I was thinking of dropping out of the "game." I know I threw a big fit last year and said that I wasn't going to participate this year. My reasons for joining was that I did do better when involved. No, I didn't stick with it all the way through the end, but it was better than with nothing. However, this year all I feel is stress. It was something that I thought I could just eliminate and not worry anymore. I've been stressed about paying the entrance fee, stressed about getting all of my exercising in and then paying for healthier groceries. Yes, I know that sometimes healthy food is cheaper than junk food, but I have learned a few cheap/filling meals that aren't exactly the best health wise. However the first two weeks I lost a pound and a few ounces. Then the school counselor (who is weighing everyone in) convinced me to weigh in one more time. I had lost 2 pounds and some ounces. So then I feel like with all of the crackers and soda ingested this week what would have happened had I really tried? It comes to 10:30 at night and I think that I really need to get some sleep rather than workout and the guilt and shame spiral begin as sleep and working out war within me.

She said that she would encourage me to continue to weigh in on Fridays even if I don't pay and participate. She also made it sound like I would continue to earn "buzz bucks" (teacher money that we can earn to buy rewards like a principal doing our lunch duty). She also said that later on if I decide that I want to be in the running for the winning pot, I could pay. I don't know what to do. I need to be held accountable. (like pinterest said, I really need someone to walk beside me and smack the junk out of my hand) It's stressful but I know if I could continue and get it "under control" then some of that stress would go away because I would be doing something good for my mind and body. I'm just a swirling mess right now....GRRRRRR!

I'm also frustrated because I can't get as organized as I was when I did this last year. I don't have snacks or breakfasts ready. I've been buying TV dinners because my husband has been gone and it's just been easier this past week. I'm sure that helps with portion control during meal time.

Well, I took a break to eat dinner with the family and am back. I have forgotten what else I was going to write. Thank you for listening and letting me whine. I'm sorry!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BRENDA_G50
    Here it is April and I found this particular blog to read. I've also been having that same war playing in my head. Since I broke my arm in January and haven't been able to exercise like I was before this happened, I pretty much gave up on myself. It seems, at least with me, that if I don't exercise...I can't lose weight.

    So here I am, having a pity party for myself instead of doing what I know I CAN do. I'm still trying to keep within my calorie range, I'm going to Physical Therapy twice a week for the arm, but I'm still having that inward battle with myself. My motivation is non-existent since I don't have anyone I can talk to about my feelings or to even workout with.

    We BOTH need to emoticon with the excuses and get back on track!!! WE are both WORTH IT!!! In fact, we DESERVE IT!!! The healthier life is a better life for us.

    emoticon emoticon and together emoticon
    1473 days ago
    I'm glad to see you sharing your feelings - I can tell you that the worst times for me, taking care of myself-wise, are when I am not sharing, but just keeping it all in and hidden. Reaching out for support is the best thing you can do, and it shows that you really want change!
    I'm proud of you for putting this all out there!
    I believe you can do this, but it's ultimately up to you. It sounds like they are willing to be very supportive, and I like that. Also, I find my stress reduces hugely when I exercise, so that may help!
    But as Susan says, it's for you to decide, and you know whether you're ready to go for it! We're here for you regardless. Hugs!
    1544 days ago
    I think you are putting the cart before the horse and making it harder on yourself. Why not try, since they are willing to let you and if it isn't for you then step down and do it when you feel more ready. Nothing has to be perfect, all that matters is that you try. Good things can come from it. ONLY you can decide.
    1545 days ago
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