Sticking a toe in the proverbial pool...
Sunday, January 26, 2014
So, I'm in week 4 of Nursing 102 - which means I've mostly made it through "Boot Camp" (they warned us in Nursing 101 that the first 3 weeks were the make-or-break period). And wow, they weren't kidding - I can't remember ever living with such sustained astronomical stress levels. The first week or so, the mate had to put me back together on nearly a daily basis as I panicked over assignments and impending skills assessments (none of which was helped by multiple classes being cancelled due to weather but still being expected to do the work and know the material on our own). I went through daily periods of "I don't know if I can do this!" (and tentatively planning alternate educational pathways should I fall flat on my face).
But I'm still here. I passed my first "skills demonstration test" without throwing up on the instructor's shoes (I was that freaked out and terrified, it was a distinct possibility). I've been through my first test in lab (which I didn't do nearly as well on as I'd expected - BUT I didn't melt down over it, and I think I have a better study plan in place going forward). We have our first test in lecture tomorrow (a test for which we have to rely on our reading, the power points they gave us, and the miniscule amount of notes we managed to take in the one and only lecture period we've actually had so far, thanks to the weather) - and I'm feeling fairly prepared. And this week, we will step foot onto our actual clinical sites (for me, Drake Hospital) for the first time.
In the meantime, life now totally revolves around school and work (because against advice, I'm still working full time - next semester I know I'll have to pull back, but until I have a plan to replace the insurance I'll lose when I shift to part time status, I really have no choice, as I HAVE to have insurance to attend clinicals). I'm making food that makes leftovers, because the mate and I just don't have any time for regular meals (he can't eat when he first gets up, and I shouldn't eat a huge meal as the last act of the day), so I'm making stuff with leftovers that are easy to heat up, stuff he can prep himself, and I'm mostly surviving on comfort foods myself.
And I'm up to 225.5 lbs as of this morning.
NONE of my scrub pants fit (even the new ones I just got for clinicals are already tighter than when I'd tried stuff on and ordered them). I keep a pair of white pants (that I don't normally wear because of ink stains on the pocket) in my locker at work as emergency back up, in case I actually split my pants (hasn't happened yet, but it's a distinct possibility at any moment). I've been in denial, trying to make it work because I keep telling myself I can't afford new ones (but the real reason has more to do with not wanting to actually buy anything in a larger size, I've already gone up to buying XL instead of the L I bought when I first did my STNA training, right after the Flying Pig when I was at my smallest).
This can't continue.
As far as exercise, I'm still getting a handle on things regarding the schedule and trying to add anything else in threatens to topple the tentative balance I have going...so I'm not going to stress about it. It may come in a few more weeks, once I've started the real clinical schedule (on campus clinicals are at a different time than when we'll be at Drake). Or it may not come until I go part time next semester. I have to give myself a little slack there.
But...I can get a better handle on food NOW, and I think I'm past the total spazzed out stress-case point, to where I think maybe I can be a little more reasonable than I've been so far.
SO, today I spun the wheel. And, I'm going to start tracking again. January 1st was far too ambitious, not having ANY idea how life was going to change once the semester started. But now that I'm in the thick of it, I can start paying attention a little better.
I have to.
If I have a stroke or a heart attack at this point, none of my plans are going to work out anyway, right? If I'm not taking care of myself, I can't take care of anybody else effectively.
So...things have to change.
I can do this.