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Sticking a toe in the proverbial pool...

Sunday, January 26, 2014

So, I'm in week 4 of Nursing 102 - which means I've mostly made it through "Boot Camp" (they warned us in Nursing 101 that the first 3 weeks were the make-or-break period). And wow, they weren't kidding - I can't remember ever living with such sustained astronomical stress levels. The first week or so, the mate had to put me back together on nearly a daily basis as I panicked over assignments and impending skills assessments (none of which was helped by multiple classes being cancelled due to weather but still being expected to do the work and know the material on our own). I went through daily periods of "I don't know if I can do this!" (and tentatively planning alternate educational pathways should I fall flat on my face).

But I'm still here. I passed my first "skills demonstration test" without throwing up on the instructor's shoes (I was that freaked out and terrified, it was a distinct possibility). I've been through my first test in lab (which I didn't do nearly as well on as I'd expected - BUT I didn't melt down over it, and I think I have a better study plan in place going forward). We have our first test in lecture tomorrow (a test for which we have to rely on our reading, the power points they gave us, and the miniscule amount of notes we managed to take in the one and only lecture period we've actually had so far, thanks to the weather) - and I'm feeling fairly prepared. And this week, we will step foot onto our actual clinical sites (for me, Drake Hospital) for the first time.

I'm excited!

In the meantime, life now totally revolves around school and work (because against advice, I'm still working full time - next semester I know I'll have to pull back, but until I have a plan to replace the insurance I'll lose when I shift to part time status, I really have no choice, as I HAVE to have insurance to attend clinicals). I'm making food that makes leftovers, because the mate and I just don't have any time for regular meals (he can't eat when he first gets up, and I shouldn't eat a huge meal as the last act of the day), so I'm making stuff with leftovers that are easy to heat up, stuff he can prep himself, and I'm mostly surviving on comfort foods myself.

And I'm up to 225.5 lbs as of this morning.

NONE of my scrub pants fit (even the new ones I just got for clinicals are already tighter than when I'd tried stuff on and ordered them). I keep a pair of white pants (that I don't normally wear because of ink stains on the pocket) in my locker at work as emergency back up, in case I actually split my pants (hasn't happened yet, but it's a distinct possibility at any moment). I've been in denial, trying to make it work because I keep telling myself I can't afford new ones (but the real reason has more to do with not wanting to actually buy anything in a larger size, I've already gone up to buying XL instead of the L I bought when I first did my STNA training, right after the Flying Pig when I was at my smallest).

This can't continue.

As far as exercise, I'm still getting a handle on things regarding the schedule and trying to add anything else in threatens to topple the tentative balance I have going...so I'm not going to stress about it. It may come in a few more weeks, once I've started the real clinical schedule (on campus clinicals are at a different time than when we'll be at Drake). Or it may not come until I go part time next semester. I have to give myself a little slack there.

But...I can get a better handle on food NOW, and I think I'm past the total spazzed out stress-case point, to where I think maybe I can be a little more reasonable than I've been so far.

SO, today I spun the wheel. And, I'm going to start tracking again. January 1st was far too ambitious, not having ANY idea how life was going to change once the semester started. But now that I'm in the thick of it, I can start paying attention a little better.

I have to.
If I have a stroke or a heart attack at this point, none of my plans are going to work out anyway, right? If I'm not taking care of myself, I can't take care of anybody else effectively.
So...things have to change.

I can do this.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ZANNACHAN
    *hugs* At least you are getting a handle on things NOW--you know that small changes can add up to big differences! I know it's really hard when you're super stressed and working all the time (grad school is kicking my tail) but all anyone can do is the best they can. *hugs*
    1721 days ago
  • 4CYNDI
    Yea! Eu's HERE! I was so excited when I saw your blog in my inbox. It's been so long since I'd heard from you that I was quietly worried. I'm glad you are proceeding with your training and that things are generally well, if totally stressed. I'm glad you are over the rush at school and able to focus on a lot more on you.

    Good luck for starting now. Wishing you the best!
    1722 days ago
  • MAGGIEC2014
    You're right -- as a nurse, you know how important your own health is, and think about it this way -- if you can make some small changes under this amount of stress, think what you will be able to accomplish when your life settles down a bit! emoticon emoticon
    1723 days ago
  • MISSG180
    You are under a lot of stress. Fingers crossed that things will settle a little bit when the first set of tests is completed. Hang in there. I'm really proud of you!
    1723 days ago
  • SHEENADEE
    Best wishes to you Eu!

    Congrats on seeing your hard work in school pay off with passing your skills demo test!

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    1723 days ago
  • CINDHOLM
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    1723 days ago
  • BUTTERCUPP77
    I'm so proud of you for not giving up.

    Sometimes, just being aware can help make some smaller reductions - less (or no) sauce, smaller portions, etc - that WILL, over time, show effects. Also, for some of us (and I don't know whether you fall into this group, but I think I do) lack of sleep can really impact weight. (I eat to keep my eyes open sometimes. And when I'm tired, I definitely lack the willpower to say YES to broccoli and NO to potatoes. Who am I kidding, I want BOTH!!! I'm a greedy girl, I am!)

    Bon courage, mon amie.

    You can totally do this because you are the awesomest pile of awesome that has ever existed!!
    1723 days ago
  • SSHANTI
    You can so do this! And we all love you no matter what! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1723 days ago
  • FANGFACEKITTY
    emoticon And you will!

    Take care of yourself...so you can take care of your mate and all those future patients who will need you too.
    1723 days ago
  • BE-THE-CHANGE
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    1723 days ago
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