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Standing Still or Moving Forward?

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

I sit here wondering if i'm currently standing still or moving forward. I'm not 100% sure at the moment so I need to work through some things to figure out if i need to change my course of action.

This was..WAS me just a few years ago.

And today this is me...

While it's clear that i've lost weight (nearly 70lbs), i still wonder if i'm just standing still?

Two years ago I started by just walking. I walked a TON of 5ks. Last year i graduated to 10ks and even 2 half marathons. At the end of last year (2013) I even completed walking 60 miles in 3 days for Susan G Komen. But i still feel as though i'm just going through the motions.

So yes... I'm more active and I'm losing weight. BUT what am i doing with the rest of life? That's where i feel as though i'm standing still. I'm not as afraid to try new things now. But i'm not fully putting myself out there...does that make sense?

As an obese woman it was sooooo EASY to hide out. People ignored me. I was treated as though i couldn't be seen. Now i'm being seen. Other runners on the trails yell out that i'm doing a great job...or that it's nice to see me out there again. People that i have ALWAYS seen but have never spoken to me before now compliment me on my weight loss. So i scares me a bit to be "seen"...

To be "seen" now means that people notice me. I don't always know how to react to this. I'm still 255 pounds (as of this morning) so i have a long way to go until i'm in a healthy weight but that hasn't stopped the many compliments that i receive.

I put myself out there in terms of my fitness. BUT in terms of my personal life...i'd rather still hide. The weight loss doesn't change the fact that i'm scared of being hurt again. I became so good at guarding myself and i've found that as the weight has come off some of those layers around my heart have also shed...and i'm not too sure i'm happy about it yet.

So i'm moving forward in my physical abilities...but i believe that i'm standing still in my personal life. I'm just not sure in which direction i'd rather go...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh, yeah, you are DEFINITELY moving forward! Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You can not be stopped!
    1914 days ago
    This does sound like progress to me! Like others have said, stepping out of your comfort zone sure is hard! You have done it with your fitness, and you can do it in other areas of your life too. Change can be so scary - even when it is positive change. But you CAN do this!!!

    1916 days ago
    well have you concidered councilling or talking about it to a priest or someone you trust.i personally think that yopu are not standing still in the fact that you admit that some of the layers around your heart has fell,also with your weight loss and you getting fitter you are loving yourself more and that is definately no stand are feeling more worth it etc etc so as i see it even though it might not be going as fast as you like you are still moving forwards.keep up the good work youi are doing great love. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1916 days ago
  • AMANDAW830
    Coming out of your comfort zone can be really hard. Take baby steps and you'll get there. Congrats on how far you have come.
    1916 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Sounds like to me you're moving forward! emoticon Keep moving!
    1916 days ago
    It sounds like you're asking yourself a hard question, but it also sounds like you already know the answer. Maybe you're only just now ready to come out of your comfort zone a little bit. It's scary! But, you can do it!
    1917 days ago
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