JSTETSER
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Key to Happiness#6: Knowing when to keep my big mouth shut!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Sometimes I open my mouth to respectfully express my opinion, and all hell seems to break loose.
I do not like hearing lies being posted on places like Facebook by people (many are relatives) that I love. I want to set the record straight! Often, I do not accomplish the goal when I gently speak up. My words are misconstrued, and my words are dismissed as petty. One year, my husband and I did not attend the family Thanksgiving feast in order to keep peace.
Today I walked away from the misinformation, and just let the fools believe the lies that they choose to believe. I choose my battles carefully, and allow those who have let me know that they have no interest in changing speak their mind…. Actually, it is not even their mind. It is just a cut and paste of what someone else thinks.
In Proverbs 26:3-5, it states:
Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him. Sometimes, it’s better to walk away from a fool who is spouting off.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MJ7DM33
    emoticon
    2096 days ago
  • MSLZZY
    a very wise idea!
    2096 days ago
  • NASFKAB
    so very true I just keep quiet
    2097 days ago
  • MADAMES
    I haven't ever dabbled in Facebook...when I come close to thinking about it, I read a blog like this one and think that I don't really need all of that! Thank you for sharing.
    2097 days ago
  • SCOOTER4263
    Sweetie, my mouth has been getting me into trouble since I first learned to form words with it, so you're preaching to the choir here. I have a couple tips:

    - When someone tells you something that you *know* is wrong, first try gently correcting them. When that doesn't' work (and it won't) just smile and say, "Okay, they sky *is* orange" and then walk away. I drives them crazy.

    - When people ask annoying, insensitive questions ("How old are you? Is that diamond real? When are you going to get pregnant?") the very best response i"ve found is to ask in return, "Why do you want to know?" Most people are too surprised to answer, but if they do stammer out a response, you just say. "Oh, how interesting." Then smile and walk away.

    - When someone asks you to do something that you don't want to do, just say,"I'm sorry, I couldn't." When they persist, just keep saying versions of the same thing. "I really couldn't." "No, I'm sorry, I can't." etc. Do *not* ever give the reason, because that draws them in.

    - When someone (seemingly purposefully, at times) misinterprets what you write on FB, an effective response is, "How interesting that you chose to interpret what I said in that way." Then STOP. Refuse to get into arguments with people - especially family - because you'll never win. Even if you "prove" that you're right, you'll pay for it somehow.

    The best answer...was it Mae West or Dorothy Parker? - "Just smile and say nothing. It'll drive people crazy wondering what you're up to."
    2097 days ago
  • STAY39
    This is why I am not on Facebook. I would get myself in so much trouble.
    2097 days ago
  • LUST4LIFE15
    Oh my, it's like you are preaching to the choir! I am known to be "the big mouth" of the family.......and often don't have a filter for what comes out of my mouth! There are things memebers of my family disagree on (christianity, marriage equality, politics) I try to modify my post on FB using the varies tools. If find something might offend these family member, I just make it so they don't see the post.....guess it's kind of a way to keep my mouth shut.

    Not a big fan of lying, especially if the lies are about me. Luckily haven't run across that much.....just one particular person, and they are on Spark! I just do my best to avoid this person and hope they don't continually try to drag me into the drama they like to create.
    2097 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    Dale Carnegie wrote "How to win friends and influence people" and in his book that has sold well over 15 million copies he says the best way to win an argument is to never have it. Walk away and don't engage with a fool.
    2097 days ago
  • SWEETNEEY
    In those situations one has to go with the gut feeling - I don't think there is a right or wrong.
    2097 days ago
  • SUGARSMOM2
    it seems every body is on face book but i do not like to mix the two worlds . I want my spark people to be on one hand and facebook on the other hand . never the two bond .
    2097 days ago
  • TAICHIDANCER
    Ah relatives! This is a familiar song! Good for you for holding your tongue.
    2097 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/18/2014 11:45:11 AM
  • REGILIEH
    emoticon emoticon
    2097 days ago
  • AMAS92568
    I wish my husband would read you blog. Sometimes we do have to keep our counsel to ourselves simply to keep our sanity! lol emoticon
    2097 days ago
  • WENDYW596
    Oh how I loved this one!! We were in Branson at a show in Silver Dollar City. The guy had a bumper sticker of a saying that his grandfather told him years ago.....

    "Never argue with anyone more stupid than you!" Bill bought it and put it on his pickup..... It is a blunt version of the Proverbs verses you posted........ but aren't they both true!!

    You are right, people that argue, never change their minds....
    2097 days ago
  • JSTETSER
    Learning to make peace is a life long process.
    2097 days ago
  • JUSTDOINGIT101
    Some folks are addicted to drama. Good for you for staying out of the play.
    emoticon
    2097 days ago
  • JOANIE69
    emoticon The old saying goes that 'it takes two to fight', and the wise person, mature in the Lord as you are, does walk away. That is the best comeback anyway, as it may help them to realize what a fool they have been. The next step - which you took once as have hubby and I at times - is to "come out from among them, 2 Cor 6:17"...if only for an occasion or more, and give them some time again, to reflect on how they are treating others. I was surprised when some of my DH's family came to visit us, once we had stepped back out of the fray and allowed them to see we were mysteriously missing from their get-togethers, now and again. Time mellows us all, and once they have mellowed too, we have to forgive and forget and take them as they are today. Hard to do sometimes when wounds go deep, but required of we Christians, (as you already know - not preaching to you here, I mean). emoticon Hopefully your relatives will also grow in wisdom and in the Lord, I pray, and before anybody dies, the social events will be peaceful. I have to say however that your fist sentence made me chuckle - HOW OFTEN does that happen people? emoticon
    2097 days ago
  • JACKIE542
    emoticon
    2097 days ago
  • YOYOSTOP
    emoticon I especially like the Bible verse. Have a blessed day!
    2097 days ago
  • TRI_BABE
    This is such an excellent blog post and something I have also learned (or tried to learn) over the years. It's hard sometimes though. Thanks for posting!
    2097 days ago
  • OKBACK2ME
    I am careful to have some connection with people before sending or accepting. Family, school friends and a few of the people I have as friends on this site.!
    2097 days ago
  • CARRIELYN56
    I agree, it is often best to walk-away, as only the person you are in the midst of, can change their ability to listen. When a person is 'not' going to listen, it doesn't matter what we say. It's like exercise..... when they are ready.... then it will happen. Us humans can take forever, sometimes, to be ready.... alas, free-will & choice brings about interesting challenges. None-the-less, it is our choice to act in kindness, which sometimes means walking away. Good for you for allowing others the space to walk their journey, even with misinformation. Not easy to do. I seem to forget this when talking to my adult children. Thanks for the reminder. emoticon
    2097 days ago
  • GRAMMYEAC
    We learned that one the hard way, and way too late. My DD's ex continues to view the world through his tinted glasses. It continues to create immeasurable anxiety and disruption for my DD and her children.
    2097 days ago
  • GRAMMYEAC
    So true.
    2097 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/18/2014 9:54:04 AM
  • NUTRON3
    Good for you
    2097 days ago
  • MAMISHELI53
    I know what you mean. My late husband's mother and younger sister were very good at misconstruing. It's like - they had broken receptors that distorted incoming messages. You'd make an innocuous remark, and they'd take offense. You chose wisely!
    2097 days ago
  • BECKY0111
    I love this! Your bible verse says it all!

    emoticon emoticon
    2097 days ago
  • ONEKIDSMOM
    Yeah, I had to learn that one, too.
    2097 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    I am not on FB . . . never plan to be. If I can't communicate with someone via written letter (what's THAT anymore!), e-mail or a phone call, well . . . not much of a relationship there, is it.

    Oh boy, for sure I've learned in almost 60 yrs. that you have to choose your battles very wisely. Some you win, some you lose, but that's how life is. I think the lesson has been especially hit home when dealing with my kids. They are always going to push the envelope, no matter what the age. You have to pick the battles.

    Know when to show 'em, know when to fold 'em!

    HUGS, great blog.
    2097 days ago
  • BROOKLYN_BORN
    So often the posts on Facebook and other sites are just hatred fueled by ignorance or vice versa. Fortunately, SP is an island of peace compared to that.

    There's an old story about 2 drivers who arrive at a one lane bridge at the same time. One yells out his window. "I never back up for an idiot!" The other replies, "fortunately sir, I always do."
    2097 days ago
  • MARYJOANNA
    God will keep you in perfect peace.
    2097 days ago
  • IOEINC
    So true!! I have a tendency to let people know what I think and over the years I have learned to chose my battles too. I work for a small business run rather badly by an arrogant man who thinks he knows everything. I have learned to just go with the flow instead of telling him something is a bad idea. It is just easier than ending up in an argument. I am not on Facebook and have no plans to do so despite my friends who live far away. I keep up with them by email and that is enough for me!!!

    Have a super Saturday!!

    emoticon
    2097 days ago
  • SANDRALEET
    Pray for those who hurt you God deals with them
    2097 days ago
  • PURPLEPEONY
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2097 days ago
  • THINFITFEMINIST
    Silence is golden.
    2097 days ago
  • STARTINGINLIMBO
    I had to do this recently on facebook too. It hurts when people think badly of you and/or of your family members, but to tell them the whole true story would harm others, maybe all, and just make everything worse. It does make for a rough day at the least when things like this happen. You have to fight your natural instincts to go for the best decision.
    2097 days ago
  • JSTETSER
    You are right about Facebook. Unfortunately, it was mainly my relatives who were rude to me. I should have stated that in the blog. I will add it now.
    2097 days ago
  • FERRETLOVER1
    I only use Facebook to keep in touch with immediate and extended family, along with close friends.
    2097 days ago
  • SIFUMARY1
    Experience is a good thing it teaches us to be wise. emoticon
    2097 days ago
  • WEARINGTHIN
    Actually, the bar is set very low for what a Facebook friend is. I've supposedly had hundreds of friend requests, and only know about twenty or thirty of them. That is why my wife dropped her Facebook page, and I never answer Facebook messages any more. Glenn
    2097 days ago
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