MIMAWELIZABETH
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SABOTAGING MYSELF

Monday, May 14, 2007

I blew it last night. After nearly a week of doing really well, sleeping every night, calories on track, eating fruits and vegetables, moving and stretching and even some real sweat exercise, I got STUCK STUCK STUCK last night.
I wanted to binge so much, and I did eat, but continued to weigh and measure to stay accountable. Crunching and sucking on mints helps to keep me from binging on sugary-fatty stuff, which would be a lot more calories and more destructive content-wise as well. So, six ounces of mints and two servings of Lay's BBQs (for a total of about 950 cals), and 10 cups of water later, I felt the craziness recede.
However, it was the not-going-to-sleep-when-I-shou
ld-have, and staying up all night again, AGAIN, that blew my plan. I can deal with the added calories, but when I stay up all night I ruin my metabolism and equalibrium and biological schedule. : (
I was supposed to go get labs this morning (I'm on a lot of meds, plus new thyroid and cholesterol meds, so the doc does a full panel every 3-4 months), and after doing really REALLY well for almost a whole week, I knew the results would be the best they could be - YEAH! - and then I sabatoged myself AGAIN!!! : (

What was going through my mind?

I could have slept all night, gotten up and out early, get my blood drawn, go to the pharmacy for my meds, stop by the video store and maybe even food shop - a busy productive day before my daughter needed her car to go to work for the lunch rush (she's a restaurant manager). That was the plan. I've done it before, it's not impossible, really!
Well, I guess what I was thinking was, "just one more thing and THEN I'll go to bed." One more newspaper section read, a few ads looked at, check the coupon slicks, oops - forgot I gotta get the EOM bills written and in the mail... oh, I got a lot done, but it doesn't make up for not sleeping all night and the physical consequences.

"JUST ONE MORE BIT, AND THEN I CAN STOP BEING STUCK AND DO WHAT I NEED TO DO TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF."

This is the crux of the matter, isn't it? Taking that first step.

Maybe I'll lay down and take another nap (I did sleep for two hours); but I also want to clean up, finish the great start my husband Bob made yesterday in the kitchen for my Mother's Day present. I guess we'll see if I can move.....
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