100,000-149,999 SparkPoints 102,831


Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I intend to thank each of you who left an inspiring comment on my blog yesterday, THANK YOU HERE AS WELL!

You gave me some laughs, great thoughts, a few pushes and definitely the knowledge that life goes on.

My blog did not fully disclose what I felt my failures were, overeating and less exercise were just the result of the usual stress & emotional eating which still rears its ugly head during bad days for me.

Stress & emotional eating are still a big habit to overcome for me. Guess that will be my STONE this week. Doing a M, I, L, E, STONE challenge where the STONE is to throw rocks at a bad habit. and out of the desperation of yesterday I find my STONE.

The failures I felt the last two days were all encompassing with life and how I was performing - at work, home, spark & for my own needs. I am a worry wart by nature and constantly have to shut that nag up by putting a ski mask on her! Paranoia can strike me as well and it hit big time with the worry wart. and I am pretty sure all my other insecurities felt the raging roar of the full moon....

and they collided together to create the scream of failure from my fingers and fell onto the page.

I do not think I Have had such a horrendous collision of all my insecurities in quite a while and just wrote it off as failure and more failure. I did not realize what was truly going on until I wrote it down and got it out of my head so I could look at what was really happening.

I have been working to change my life the last few weeks as the last 4 months have made me realize I had to make changes to stop the slow burning of the end of the wooden stick on my personal match.

I was burning out on personal training, I truly hated going to the gym where they had us feel like outcasts (a long story for another time perhaps), my promotion at work, trying to do my new and old job while hiring someone to take my old job, and the joy of starting new leadership duties on spark.

I knew what I wanted to do. I was working towards making it work better and it all just exploded on me when I wasn't paying attention.

So I have learned something, don't wait so darn long to fix things in your own life while you are busy doing other people's stuff.

the changes I was making are:

gym ; leave old, get new - I had signed the contract for the new one on 01/11/114 DONE

training: I had confirmed Monday I had only two more weeks to go then I would be free to plan my own exercise for the 5 week break I had planned. DONE

Hiring new person: DONE 12/23

Spark Leadership challenges: all set and ready to go on time, missed a few emails but was no more than a few hours behind so all was good. The two new teams were going well, but my blinders didn't let me see it. DONE

New Job: working on catching up, about 50% complete but office is organized and then I remembered yesterday the projects I had to get started on. UGH one step backward.

Health: Well, my biggest issues this past year have been my knee and hip, constantly in pain, but I was raised you pushed on and got the job completed come heck or high water. SO I did, so I do. I went to a special work program which was designed to help me with the chronic hip and knee pain - was doing well until the holidays where the program got put on hold due to vacations. 10 days ago I fell at my eye doctor, on my right side - which is the opposite of the side I fell on 2 years ago. A week ago I found out I was unable to do some exercises that were easy peasy for me a year ago. (SAD, very sad for me.)

SO you can see why I might not have been aware of what the true issues in my life were.

Balance was missing..

It looked like this ...

Now I feel I am more like this ....

working my way back to this ..

And there is the tale of my temporary failure and insanity..

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