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Ups and downs

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Well, today is the first day of my classes. I finally received the syllabus for one of them and it looks completely do-able. Not too bad. Just have to wait and see how the other one shapes up.

I had a rough start to the morning which has had me down. I got mad and yelled at my daughter because I caught her lying to me. She told me she made her lunch, I asked follow up questions about it, she lied some more, and then it turns out she didn't make it, she was going to buy it despite there being a house full of groceries. I don't know how long she's been doing this. Part of her retort was that her dad gave her money for Christmas to spend anyway she wanted to without being judged. There's a lot of things I don't like about the situation and the lesson that message imparts. I guess it's not worth hashing out here but needless to say, I wasn't happy about her response and deflection away from the initial issue of lying and I wasn't happy about it being inferred that I was judgmental about the way she wants to spend money by my co-parent. My job is to teach her to act responsibly and I am failing. I cried a bit on the way to work. Some days I really hate being a parent. That may be awful to say, but sometimes I just feel so ill-equipped.

Otherwise, my week is going well enough. I've been eating well. On Monday I did a zumba class plus a C25K run and my old leg injury flared up. Yikes! I told myself to dial it back. The last thing I need is another 2 months off. Yesterday the leg was still aching a small bit (dully) and so I did NOTHING, other than my walks across campus (job related). Today I have no pain at all. I won't have time to exercise today because of my classes after work but I will be doing more walking around campus. Tomorrow I'll hit the gym again and see what happens. No more doubling up on high impact, though. Hopefully as my muscles grow stronger, this will become less of an issue.

It's hump day. Hoping the rest of the week is a little sunnier.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hope like is being kind to you, your classes are okay, leg pain is gone and your DD is doing great! Have a good weekend! emoticon emoticon Love ya!
    1873 days ago
    Good afternoon Holley, I hope the bad experience is now just a lesson learned by your DD and not a sore spot between you. Life has a lot of ups and downs. My Horn Tooting was a part of my ups but there have been many downs as well. We learn from all the life occurances and it's better it happen now, so someone does not end up in a bad situation. Some of our major political leaders have been caugoht in some serious lies. so it's not surprising our youth do some of the same. We have all had a time when the truth was hard to convey without serious consequences. I have taken some hard blows for being honest but it would do it all over again.

    I hope your leg is getting better and you are returning to your exercise routine! Don't sweat the new classes! Thanks for your precious comments! emoticon emoticon

    1887 days ago
    Ahhhh parenting - none of us really know what we are doing! We learn from our parents, from others, we read books from experts, but in the end no matter what we do, what we say, how we show them by our example - the decisions are theirs to make. All we can ask of ourselves is to the best we can with what we have. And yes, we all have those moments when we don't like being a parent! You are not alone!!! :-)

    Yep - dial out that leg pounding cardio for a bit and pick it up in some other area of the gym! Lots of intense upper body workouts that won't harm your leg! Nothing is more frustrating than sidelining yourself!!! Take it easy!!!

    1889 days ago
    just wanted to say I feel your pain, and you are not alone.

    1889 days ago
    They don't issue degrees in parenting, if they did a lot of people would fail. I think our children need to see our anger, so they understand the levity of the situation. You are not a robot, you are her parent and she needs to be put in her place as a child. My daughter has lied to me to test the water and the punishment was severe. She has since talked about how she is unable to lie because of conscious bothers too much and I am glad. You are not ill prepared but just feeling the lack of control that comes with the co-parenting situation. I am married and often deal with the same circumstances. Kids know how to get what they want and how to minpulate the circumstances to make it possible. They will play one parent against the other or ask the one they know will give them the correct answer. I hope you are not trying to be her friend because it will not work with discipline. When I am angry with my DD that is discipline by itself. She wants my approval for everything.
    Sorry you had to deal with this at the same time you are returning to class and your leg is hurting. Try wrapping it with an ace bandage to get it support while you exercise.
    Thanks for your boost of confidence on my interview. I went extremely well! emoticon emoticon
    1890 days ago
    I'm not a parent, but I will share this...

    NO ONE is well equipped for parenthood. If only the well equipped had children, there would be no people on the earth. Everyone of us winds up on the couch over something from our background.

    You are here to 'show' her...not 'make' her...

    She is her own person, Holley.

    never forget that!

    wipe the tears and pick that chin back up...

    I love you so! You are AMAZING, Mama!!! :-)
    1890 days ago
  • NHES220
    The co-parent thing is tough, I have 2 step-daughters and all I can tell you is do not compromise your values. Eventually you will have an impact. We could not influence their mom, but we could stand by our values and not compromise and now that they are 21 and 27 they totally appreciate the things we have done. I know it is a long time to wait for it and we weathered some storms. The integrity of a person is so important and we could not tolerate when one of them lied to us either. I think that is the issue more than how she wanted to spend the money.

    Go easy on the leg, do not double up and you will be OK.

    Hope the day goes better!


    1890 days ago
  • SUMMER2203
    ugh i completely understand where you're coming from...but don't put too much blame on yourself!!! you are not failing! keep doing what you're doing, and your kid will turn out just fine :) good luck with the leg, i hope it's back to normal tomorrow!!!
    1890 days ago
    co-parenting is so difficult... I have found that not sweating the small stuff and negating damage as best as I can when they are with me can have a great impact, but in the end, we are not the only influence in our children's lives and this can be REALLY frustrating.

    I think we all lose patience and it's normal. If you feel bad about it, then talk to her about it again later when you are calm. this gives you a great opportunity to teach a valuable lesson not only about the lying, about responsibly spending money, etc, but also about dealing with anger... and it's all so much easier to do after you've both had the time for a little perspective...

    I often feel very ill equiped for being a parent, especially when dealing with things in the heat of the moment, when I have a little time to rumminate, the solutions often present themselves...

    Good Luk! It's not easy but it's worth it!
    1890 days ago
    being a parent is never easy .. no book ever written covers it all or is 100 % on.. each of us is different and every child has different needs..

    You care about your daughter , your teaching her lessons , Don't be to hard on you .. I have yelled also.. forgive yourself .. Can you talk to Dad ? I don't know how that relationship stands and I won't give advice .

    But know .. every parent feels that way at one point or another. Pick your battles , and address the lying.. You will figure it out..

    Keep taking care of you and listen to that body of yours..

    love and light ,
    1890 days ago
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