It's Been Five Years

Thursday, January 09, 2014

I became a member of this site 5 years ago today. I intended to be "fabulous and forty" so gave myself two years to do so.

Today is also my 43rd birthday. I am 56.6 lbs overweight. That is 6.6 lbs OVER where I started 5 years ago. So what have I been doing this past five years?

Logging in and being diligent when I had the energy.
Ignoring this site and its helpfulness when I didn't want to face my truth.
Diving into food when things got tough.
Feeling sorry for myself and eating.
Comforting myself during loneliness by eating.
Hiding from friends I haven't seen in a long time because I don't want to show them how big I've gotten.
Avoiding family photos because I don't want "fat me" to be remembered.
Putting myself in the background of EVERYTHING as self-punishment for being fat.
Making excuses for my weight and eating all the while.

I've always been a procrastinator and someone who 'cruises' through. When things are too tough for me, I tend to bow out as I don't want to be reminded of my weakness and I certainly don't want to show it to anyone. And I put things off until the last minute.

This is the year I make a commitment. I'm going to finish what I've started. I don't care how hard it gets, I'm going to do this and be able to say "It was worth the hard work." I'm deciding that even when things get tough that I will NOT dive into the bottom of a tub of ice cream to take off the edge, that I WILL take care of the body I've been given simply as a show of respect for myself, and not to get all religiousy on you, but give respect to God who gave me this body.

I thank all of you SparkFriends who have supported me, asked about me, given me advice, and spent your time and energy lifting me up when I needed it. I am committed to making your job easier. I intend not to disappoint you this year. I want you to see my weight ticker move toward its end goal. I intend to do what is right for me. I intend to stick to my plan so I can be healthy and feel good in my clothes.

With that message I leave you with this: I commit to be good to myself, but to only focus on today as if it is "day one" of my effort. Each day offers new hope, a new chance to make good change. And I am blessed every time I am given a new day.

Today is "day one" for me. How about for you?

Peace Out,
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It takes courage to recognize our bad habits and make a new plan. The wonderful part about being is that we can renew each single day. I'm on the same pageā€¦ I'm starting again today. You can triumph anything!! :) emoticon
    1922 days ago
  • NEED2LOSEN2010
    Wow! This really hit home for me. I've been here at Spark 4 years, should have been at goal by now.
    . emoticon & Just for today, I will track my food, including the doughnut I just had for breakfast. emoticon

    Best of Luck
    1924 days ago
    emoticon I've read many of blogs with these feeling some kind of way about years gone by and they are still sitting in that same funk. Now you're out of it, really to move forward, and conquer the weight. I'm proud of you.
    emoticon emoticon
    1924 days ago
    You can do it ! I see you've become a member of "Insanity for the Ladies"... all you have to do is push "play". Modify the moves, and do them don't have to do them like they do to get results. Push "play" every day and I believe you will see results in 10 days. Let's do this ! I'm 48 and got through it and got healthier and happier - you can do it !
    1927 days ago
  • 68ANNE
    Not once did anyone say, 'I'm disappointed'. We only do that to ourselves, yes I'm guilty of talking down to me. You are so worth it and I've always known you are an amazing and worthwhile person
    1930 days ago
    emoticon I for one have reset myself more than once here. But this year is the year for us. emoticon
    1930 days ago
  • no profile photo SUEPERWOMAN

    Happy belated birthday to you, my precious friend.
    You take care of her, okay?

    Life sure is a journey.

    Love, Ginger
    1931 days ago
  • KONRAD695
    I'm happy you're still here. That in itself is a major accomplishment, think of how many have disappeared. So, Happy Anniversary!

    Now about the apology. You never have to do that for me. I've been there (and back), seen it, and will not look down on anyone. If you give up, walk away, and stop caring- Then I'll say something.

    For you right now. I will not give you any creative advice, I Can't! Somewhere along the line your brain will do it for you. When that happen, you will never have to look back again. What I will do is listen, encourage, and give you a little poke sometimes.

    Here's your poke-
    Now it is Thursday. Why don't you eat healthy today, tomorrow and Saturday. Up your activity level tomorrow and Saturday. Then on Saturday write a motivational post to someone struggling. Just my poke. Hope you don't mind.

    Love you, Konrad emoticon

    1932 days ago
    First a hug emoticon and emoticon I do not see you disappointing anyone - I see you as a good friend and very supportive ! I used to do many of same thing that you listed above but then something changed - I became my own best friend and was thrown into a situation that I had to FOCUS on me - you know that Selfish healthiness and there is nothing wrong with making boundaries and placing yourself first on the list - yes - emoticon and will do it together ! emoticon Hugs K
    1932 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/9/2014 12:09:01 PM
    I have been a member since November of 2007 and I admit it has only been in the last year and half that I have seen any real progress so I can totally relate. emoticon
    1932 days ago
  • KNORRIS924
    I can totally relate to your blog!! Good luck and continue to think positive. I have just logged in today after not logging in in over 7 months.... But it feels good to be back!! Best of luck to you!!! emoticon
    1932 days ago
  • DEB62BIE62
    emoticon emoticon Today is the first day of the rest of your life as the saying goes.
    1932 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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