It's Been Five Years
Thursday, January 09, 2014
I became a member of this site 5 years ago today. I intended to be "fabulous and forty" so gave myself two years to do so.
Today is also my 43rd birthday. I am 56.6 lbs overweight. That is 6.6 lbs OVER where I started 5 years ago. So what have I been doing this past five years?
Logging in and being diligent when I had the energy.
Ignoring this site and its helpfulness when I didn't want to face my truth.
Diving into food when things got tough.
Feeling sorry for myself and eating.
Comforting myself during loneliness by eating.
Hiding from friends I haven't seen in a long time because I don't want to show them how big I've gotten.
Avoiding family photos because I don't want "fat me" to be remembered.
Putting myself in the background of EVERYTHING as self-punishment for being fat.
Making excuses for my weight and eating all the while.
I've always been a procrastinator and someone who 'cruises' through. When things are too tough for me, I tend to bow out as I don't want to be reminded of my weakness and I certainly don't want to show it to anyone. And I put things off until the last minute.
This is the year I make a commitment. I'm going to finish what I've started. I don't care how hard it gets, I'm going to do this and be able to say "It was worth the hard work." I'm deciding that even when things get tough that I will NOT dive into the bottom of a tub of ice cream to take off the edge, that I WILL take care of the body I've been given simply as a show of respect for myself, and not to get all religiousy on you, but give respect to God who gave me this body.
I thank all of you SparkFriends who have supported me, asked about me, given me advice, and spent your time and energy lifting me up when I needed it. I am committed to making your job easier. I intend not to disappoint you this year. I want you to see my weight ticker move toward its end goal. I intend to do what is right for me. I intend to stick to my plan so I can be healthy and feel good in my clothes.
With that message I leave you with this: I commit to be good to myself, but to only focus on today as if it is "day one" of my effort. Each day offers new hope, a new chance to make good change. And I am blessed every time I am given a new day.
Today is "day one" for me. How about for you?