60,000-79,999 SparkPoints 67,721

The Girl Within Me

Tuesday, January 07, 2014

I've noticed something about myself lately...I still think I'm that 320+ pound girl that I was a few years ago. I still get nervous about trying new things. I wonder if people will stop, stare and laugh at me. I wonder if I'd make a fool out of myself. I wonder if I'd feel ashamed afterwards. I wonder a lot of things when I ponder trying something new. The truth is that has always been something I've done. That has not changed.

what has changed though is me. I'm almost 70lbs lighter yet I still think along the same lines as that 320lb girl I used to be. After a LONG debate with myself I finally hauled myself to a Zumba class...yikes! Here I am, still overweight snd going into a dance class where I'll jiggle for all to see.

Guess what? I had a great time. I didn't know all the moves. I couldn't shimmy my butt the way some of those women could but I was in there doing my best and I had fun. The woman next to me said that as long as I kept moving I'd be fine and I'd get it next time.

I went back for a 2nd class the next day.

Here's the thing. Sometimes it takes our mind and thought process a lot longer yo catch up to where our bodies are in this journey. There are times when I look in the mirror and I still see that 320+ pound woman. There are times when I still mentally beat myself up because I'm so over weight. Sometimes I just need to stand there, in front of the mirror and remind myself just how far I've come.

in losing almost 70lbs this woman that I'm starring at had stepped out of her comfort zone many times to defeat old demons. Ive made both the new me and the old me very proud. I've completed 5k's, 10k's, 2 half marathons, lodt nearly 70lbs, taken aqua classes, zumba classes and started running. I'm even contemplating completing my first full marathon early in 2015. These are things I never even dreamed about at 320lbs.

so while on occasion I still have the mentality of the 320lb woman...she is extremely proud of the woman she is today.

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CIARA916
    That is an amazing transformation! Very inspirational!!

    1931 days ago
  • SHELTIE2013
    Keep going!!!
    1932 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    emoticon emoticon
    1932 days ago
    Way to go!!! Love that you challenged yourself and are going out of that comfort zone!! emoticon

    I also did some Zumba - the person next to you is right. Even when I did not know the moves I just kept moving. It did not look great but no body even cared and I was dripping with sweat and smiling when I left. Have fun with it!

    1932 days ago
    Awesome blog and wonderful outlook!
    1932 days ago
    Amazing job!!! It's is so hard to change the way we see ourselves... I totally understand you.
    I'm taking zumba as well, isn't super fun?!!
    1932 days ago
    WAY TO GO!!!! I love Zumba and I am so glad someone else found it and loves it too!! You are just gonna shimmie your way even smaller!! :)

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1933 days ago
    1933 days ago
    Good job! I'm proud of you too! Keep it up!
    1933 days ago
    Zumba is the best!!! I'm so glad you found a fun class. I agree with the lady next to you: just keep moving! I can't do the twirls and things because they make me dizzy so I stand in the back and just keep moving whenever the others twirl around. And that's OKAY!!! Pretty soon you will not even remember that girl who was afraid to join in!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1933 days ago
    it´s funny vickie while i had the opposite problem.even though i weighed 330lbs i never saw myself as fat and because of that never let it stand in my way.i would dance and swim in public,ride a bike go inline skateing etc, husband used to ask me doesn´t it bother me the peoples stares my reply was always,what stares as i never really saw was only after i lost some weight and had the facial paralise did i notice,probably because i noticed the facial paralise myself it made me more selfconcious and now i have to fight against this self conciousness thing myself to do things.i am still not sure if it was a good thing or bad thing that i never noticed my size as if i had i might have done something about it long before i did.i think you are awesome and what you do is also awesome.i am so proud to know you and call you my friend love.keep on keeping on emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1933 days ago
    emoticon It definitely takes a while for our brain to catch up with our body. Never forget how far you've come!
    1933 days ago
    Wow! I just recently started this journey and have a lot of the same mentalities about starting and trying new things, especially the part about wondering what other people will be thinking (even friends and family). Reading this was VERY encouraging to me! Thank you so much!! emoticon
    1933 days ago
  • no profile photo RIDLEYRIDER
    Excellent attitude! And it does take time for the mindset to change. Be patient, and it will come. Keep up the great work! emoticon
    1933 days ago
    Keep on jiggling all that stuff until it doesn't jiggle anymore!! You go! emoticon
    1933 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.