Life Changes

Sunday, January 05, 2014

Well the title "Life Changes" is exactly what is happening. I've had some major life changes in just the last couple of years. When I first started on this site I had just had my second kid. I was happy and in love. My husband had gotten a job promotion in North Georgia so the kids and I moved up there with him. I started a new job and put the kids in daycare. I had a hard time finding a church home and didn't know anyone outside of work and the ladies at daycare. My husband then left for 4 months to go to Law Enforcement Training for his new job. The week he left I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd kid. This was a complete shock as we were not planning on having more children. The surprise of our new addition also came about a month after I had joined a gym and started to get back into exercising and trying to eat healthy again. With this pregnancy also came complications that I had never experienced with my other children. My progesterone was low and had to take medication for that, which made me constantly nauseous and dizzy. When I did try to work out I could never make it long and felt like I was going to throw up and pass out. So the gym experience came to a halt. I did walk some at work during my lunch break and watched what I ate and managed to keep my weight in check. Plus I was running after 2 small kids by myself so that helped too.
Fast forward to after my daughter was born, healthy thank God, to when she was 7 months old. My husband and I had been having some issues and we sat down to talk about them, much to my surprise he said he wanted a divorce. I of course didn't like this answer and suggested all kinds of things for us to try; talking it out, going to counseling, just ignoring it. We tried counseling ( he only went for 2 sessions and said he was done). We tried to work things out our way ( that didn't work either). Finally we said lets just get through the holidays and readdress it then. So Thanksgiving came and went, Christmas came and went and New Years came and went. The more time went by the more I felt unloved by him. The beginning of February was approaching and we once again sat down to discuss the issue. I told him that neither one of us were happy and could not go on like this. It was his decision, do we try again at making this marriage work or do we divorce? I told him he had until the end of the month to decide. He knew that I wanted to make our marriage work but I told him that if he didn't want to and wanted a divorce then that's what he would get. So the end of the month came and he finally told me that he was done and didn't want to be married anymore. My heart sank. I never knew what an actual heartache felt like until that moment. Here I was, a woman that had spent 13 years of her life with the same guy, had 3 kids together, gave up her dreams to support him,and loved him unconditionally; had just had my heart ripped to pieces.
We decided that the kids and I go in May. That way we could celebrate my son's 3rd birthday and my youngest daughter's 1st birthday there as a family. Plus we had to wait on income tax so we could pay the lawyer and all.
I was surprised during all of this that I didn't gain more weight. Instead I started losing weight, not much but a little. I was walking more at work and I was too stressed to eat. It's kind of funny because when I was younger that was my comfort when I was stressed... food. I had a lot of stress going on too. I had my heart broken by the man I had loved for so long, work was in high speed, and I now had to figure out how I was going to take care of 3 kids by myself. I decided that I needed to go back to school. As much as I loved my job as a Vet Tech I just couldn't support 3 kids on what I made doing that. I had talked about going back to school for several years but he always told me that I couldn't... so I didn't.
At the end of April I enrolled in college through online courses at DeVry University for Health Information Technology. On May 4th the kids and I moved out of his house and moved 2 hours away back to our hometown and moved in with my parents. Just to put into perspective, my parents live in a 3 bedroom 2 bath mobile home. I have 3 kids. So there are 3 adults and 3 small kids living in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath mobile home. It's cramped to say the least! The baby and I share a room and my older 2 kids share a room.
I found a job working at a spay/neuter clinic and we are only open 3 days a week so it works well with my school schedule. I started working there in June and started my classes in July. So the divorce was final in June. My now ex-husband started seeing a girl up where he lived, they officially said they were dating in August. Again, more stress because he lied to me about it and now that more things are coming out I feel like he was seeing her while we were married. So now we are up to December. I find out through her that they got married in November and she is now 3 months pregnant. What a wonderful time to find out, a week before my oldest daughter's 6th birthday and 2 weeks before Christmas. That was also the week that we would have celebrated our 9th year of marriage and 14th year of being together. Oh the irony!
So here it is, the beginning of January 2014 and I've decided to get back on track with my life. I'm still in school ( have all A's), still working, still living with my parents, and still taking care of my kids. I have decided that this year will be the best year, or at least better than 2013. emoticon LOL.
So while everyone else is making resolutions I am setting goals... Continue to make A's in my studies, become healthier (eating better and losing some weight ... I'm not putting a number on it or I'm sure to fail), making sure my kids are taken care of, and not worrying about what is going on in my ex's life. I will no longer hold him accountable to my kids. It will be his responsibility to call the kids and to make the effort to be in their lives... not mine.
So this is where I stand... life changes... for the better.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow a lot to have gone through! Kudos on staying strong. It will be hard at times of course, but you can do this. You have the right motivation, yourself and your kids. I was a single parent to my daughter almost all of her life. Her father was out of the picture by the time she was 1 and we never heard from him again. The outcome of that was an extremely strong bond between my daughter and myself. Always look to the bright side. It may not seem bright at the time, but there is always something positive that can be focused on. emoticon
    2456 days ago
    emoticon I'm sorry you went through all that. As a recent divorcee, and mother of two, I can sympathize with much of that. Sometimes all you can do is "the next thing" and it sounds like you're doing that. It's hard and it's not always fun, but after being separated for 2 1/2 years, I can tell you that you'll get stronger every day, and in a year or two you'll look back and realize how far you've come and that you're better off without him. (And really, you ARE better off without someone who would treat you that way.) SP is a fabulous community, and you'll find all the support here you could wish for in an online community.
    2456 days ago
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