We'd all be lying if we said that getting healthy is awesome every moment of the journey because it's not. It's tough choices, dedication and sacrifice, and snippets of glory and then the challenge of negotiating "what is enough?" with yourself when society tells you it will never be enough.
I've been there. I am there. We all are. I find myself wanting to disconnect from people who are talking about all the negativity that goes along with the process of losing weight. If anything, I'm as much to blame as anyone. It's the easiest thing in the world to do, commiserate with someone about how you aren't where you want to be health-wise, or physically, or fitness-wise.
Misery loves company, but the thing is, I don't really want the company. It's hard enough drawing healthy boundaries with others to allow them to swim in their mental muck, but it's harder to stay there with them while they are drowning. It's exhausting trying to re-train your brain to be kinder about where I am at when others aren't following suit.
I have compassion and empathy and a lot of understanding because I've undone all of the hard work that I did. Completely undone it. But, I think there are two choices that I have. I can b*tch and moan about it, or I can just accept that it's where I am. I think it can and is that easy.
Did I regain the 60 pounds I lost? Yeah.
Can I run 13.1, 6.2, 3.1, or even 1 mile right now? No.
Did I lose my way? Yes.
Do I know why? No.
Is it the end of the world? No.
Does it sometimes feel like it's the end of the world? Yeah.
Ok. So I regained all my weight, got softer again, can't run like I used to. It's true. But it's where I am and what is the point of lamenting what isn't because of my own (unconscious) choices? Working through my therapy for my eating disorder has really shed light on the fact that my eating IS disordered. It's not the food, it's everything that I don't know how to address issues or cope with or talk about or feel emotionally that messes with my ability to be healthy. I don't think that the real change will come until I make peace with how I got to where I am and how I learned to live/survive.
So, it's where I came up with the idea of The Road to Redemption. I need to surround myself with people who willingly acknowledge what is going right in their journey instead of always focusing on what else needs to be improved on because Lord knows I do that enough in my brain to power a small country. Positivity begets positivity and a place that honors, understands and accepts you as you are in this moment is the kind of place that I need to be. If you are of a similar mindset, consider joining: www.sparkpeople.com/mysp