Resolutions are so last year :) No, but seriously they serve no purpose as resolutions are not followed through on. Commitments are. And so, in 2014, I'm committing to be more compassionate to myself.
Case in point?
I'm supposed to be participating in the Polar Dash this morning. However, with temps sitting at -9F and with windchills bringing it to -16F in Minneapolis this morning...the kinder, more compassionate thing that I can do for myself is go to the gym and walk my 5K in a temperate environment and pay a fee to receive my medal in the mail.
Another thing? If I am being really honest, compassion is a hard thing for me. A perfectionist to the core, it is hard for me to look back and admit I am starting the new year at the same weight as I started last year. However, there is a lot of other good that comes along with that so I find the need to celebrate.
1. The therapy I am doing for my eating disorder has helped provide insight to pieces of my personality I didn't understand before. My therapist has introduced the idea of compassion to me and has challenged me to replace my regimented impossible standards with it. It's an ongoing process. I've also been able to create healthier boundaries for myself because, imagine this, I'm part of the equation too! Whoa, groundbreaking I know. It's really shed light on that it's not about the food, it's about the feelings I haven't allowed myself to feel, the pain I haven't worked through and the validation I've never received. Profound really.
2. I am halfway through my Master's degree. What?! Yeah... I've never been so challenged for time, so for me to be able to say that I work full time, am in graduate school full time, sold my house, bought a new house, and done it all by myself...and I haven't gained any weight in the process? Well, it seriously could have been way worse now couldn't it?
3. Last, I'm in a relationship with someone who makes me feel like the most perfect woman on earth. It's a gift having someone love you exactly how you are and tell you "please never change". It helps me believe.
And so as I look forward at 2014, I find myself wanting to commit. So my commitment for 2014 is as follows...
It can really be that simple. Sitting quietly and reflecting on what I really need in the moment will help me become more mindful. Meeting my needs will help me to become happier. Doing more of what makes me happy is the perfect way to start a new year.
In the interest of honesty, would I be lying if I didn't say I also had plans to lose weight? Yes, of course. I am interested in losing 55 pounds this year... just like I am every year. That being said, I'm really looking for thankfulness and contentment with that number this time around. It's extremely difficult for me to get there... it's a lot of time, effort and commitment. Before, it's still not been enough, but this time I want it to be. Healthier, sustainable choices. 5 pounds a month. I can do that. As I am, I am enough. In this moment. Happiest and healthiest of new year's Spark Friends!