December 31, 2013
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Well It's now new year's eve. I don't do new years resolutions. I feel like then it's something I'm only obligated to stick for one year, not that I ever usually stick to it anyway.
I have to say right now I'm not doing well. I've maintained my weight loss from the past couple years. My depression is becoming a major issue again. My anxiety is as bad as it ever was. A couple months ago I also came to a realization. My emotional eating is not just emotional eating. It's binge eating disorder.
It's been a problem for a very long time, since I was 9 years old. I always felt like it was my fault, like I could stop if I was just stronger. Now, after 17 years, I see I can't stop on my own and I'm seeing a therapist to deal with everything. I initially went to him for the anxiety and depression. He does not treat eating disorders. He's going to refer me to someone who does. I have also been going to a place for eating disorders that is near me. I have found it very informative. It really helped me when I wasn't sure if it was really an eating disorder or not. I suppose coming to terms with the fact that I have an eating disorder has been a factor in my depression being worse lately.
My doctor has recommended anti-depressants. I have to say I'm not a fan of drugs though. I have been dealing with a naturopath who gives me herbals and supplements instead. I get less side effects with the more natural therapies. I've been seeing him for over a year now. I just found out yesterday he will be going on sabbatical in a couple weeks. I don't know for how long. I have to admit it kind of scares me. Because of the anxiety it's hard for me to deal with new people. I have also told him a lot of hard things, like about the binge eating and the occasional thoughts of suicide I have. He likes to know about the psychological stuff too so I try to keep him informed. It's taken me a long time to get used to him and I'm worried about dealing with a new person. He's gonna have someone fill in for him. I'll meet the new person and see if I think I can work with them.
I need to work on my mental health before I worry about losing more weight. I will be still here a little bit. But I won't really be trying to lose weight. I'm just gonna be working on maintaining what I've lost already. I'll work on losing more when I'm feeling better. I know this isn't a mental health website but everyone here has been really great and supportive so I'll be sticking around a bit anyway.
Hope everyone has a great new year's!