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On a high note

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Right now, I am on a high note and it is a little worrisome.
Ok, that doesn't make sense unless you are familiar with the ins, outs, ups, and downs of depression.

Basically, its like this, my life feels FANTASTIC right now and I am trying to enjoy it...I AM enjoying it, but I know that until I get to a doctor, there is also a flip side of my bright and shiny coin.

Anyways...all that aside.
I have been having a great time, our Christmas was really nice. You might be asking yourself, 'Isn't everyone's?'
Let me expand upon this....When I was with my first husband, we had a bad marriage )to put it lightly) and things were not only always very tense, but our kids were little and during the holidays money was always tighter due to extra expenses and he worked in construction so there wasn't a lot of work for him in the winter. We made sure that the kids had a decent holiday at home and then we also celebrated with his family on Christmas Eve, and my family was Christmas day.

After we separated and I got together with my second husband, he was VERY materialistic and greedy when it came to himself and there was never really any extra funds to send anything to my children. I also was not able to come home and visit my family very often. He always needed to buy new movies or clothes for himself or whatever caught his eye. This is also the man who took me to his family's Christmas gathering and didn't introduce me to anyone, when his mom confronted him, he said it was because he didn't know how long I would be 'sticking around' ....I finally stopped going to his family holidays because I was embarrassed for so many other reasons that were piled on top of this one. After a couple of years I refused to even put up a Christmas tree and was the first to volunteer to work holidays. After we had his daughter (She is his biologically with another woman and I adopted her), I started putting up a tree for her benefit.

When my beau and I got together, things were drastically improved. I was able to send my kids money for birthdays, Christmas, or just because. We even went out and bought ourselves a tiny little tree and even though we didn't buy for each other specifically for Christmas, we enjoyed it and when my son came to stay with us, we had a few presents for him under it.

Until we moved back to Illinois this year, I had not come home to visit since 2006 after my dad and grandma died. Dad passed in January of 2006 and Grandma passed on my birthday that November. I was up here for the following Christmas and it was so sad and stressful for me.

So THIS year.....!
I have been going out shopping, while I have never been one to spend thousands of dollars, I was able to put some thought into what I wanted to get for each person in my life.
I am happy with what I got for everyone and know that they will like and/or use what we were able to get for them.
I also love the things that I got. I think my favorite is a Doctor Who throw blanket to me and my beau from my sister....we are both DW fans and I was surprised that she knew it (her face goes a bit blank when I start talking nerdy) and it is something that we will use...actually, we cuddled up under it last night to watch the DW Christmas special.

I have been baking cookies like a crazy lady, ok, maybe not that crazy, but it has been a LOT more time on my feet in the kitchen. My brother in law's brother, wife, and their daughter came and stayed for a couple of days, full house, but everyone was happy...my older nephew was even on his best behavior!

We got snow on Christmas day while we were at my aunt's and even had a surprise visitor...

Everyone freaked out and my uncle was sitting there saying, 'Haven't you people ever seen a deer before?' Uh, not in the neighborhood that I grew up in...they stayed away from the houses....I never even saw tracks when I was growing up. I just think it was nice.

This is also the first Christmas that I haven't had a bad 'Dad Day' That what I call it when I am having a hard time missing my dad. Christmas of 2005 was the last time I spoke with him. He passed away on Jan 17 of 2006. I finally found a little consolation that his last words to me were 'Love you'.

I go into my new job tomorrow for a few hours for orientation. I'm kinda nervous about it, but I am always extra nervous when it comes to changing my routine and also when I meet new people. My position is also in the store part of the attraction so I am worried how my feet and knees will handle it all....I was in a lot of pain last time I had a position like that. I will just have to do it no matter what happens, there aren't any other job offers.

We are going to my other sister's on Saturday and then my beau's birthday is Monday. I think I am going to take him to the movies to see the Hobbit and then maybe just the two of us out to dinner. I love my family but I really am getting a little overwhelmed all of a suddenly being around so many people all at once nonstop for the last several days.
I will finally get to meet my great-nephew on Saturday as well, I can't wait!
If you made it through my lengthy blog you win. You win a peek at my cute as a button nephew, lol! My niece posted this pic and I think its just the sweetest pic ever, you can almost smell the baby freshness!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    JOB JOB JOB JOB?!?!?!?!? WHEN DID I MISS THIS????? Yay, I'm glad you found something! I hope people are nice & it goes really well!!!
    1573 days ago
  • KAREN608
    Well you certainly did deserve a lovely Christmas like this.

    I know with depression, you don't trust feeling happy, knowing the flip side.

    But face it a lot went well and you can be pleased with that.

    Job nerves: for sure! But hired! Woo hoo!

    May you get that car in 2014 !
    1574 days ago
    I am truly glad you had such a wonderful Christmas! It was wonderful of the deer to visit. I remember one year on Thanksgiving Day we had a flock of turkeys come into our back yard. emoticon
    1574 days ago
    nice of the deer to check in on you this year.
    1575 days ago
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