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Forgiving and REALLY letting go.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

I read something on the Internet the other day: "Forgive, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace." I also read a quote by Gandhi: "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong."

There are some people in my life that I want to forgive. I have done all that I can, but hurt still harbors in my heart. I have done everything I can to assist in this: withdrawing, telling the people about their actions and how they affected me, ignoring it...I've tried my best to move on, but I don't know how to REALLY let go and move forward. I see forgiveness as just putting the past behind you and pretending things are ok again...but I can't do that...?? I also read "Just because I'm kind enough to forgive you, doesn't mean I will be dumb enough to trust you again." That is how I feel. I also read, "I don't hold grudges. I remember facts." Maya Angelou said, "A person may not remember what you said or did, but they will always remember how you made them feel." (Granted, that can go both ways). I mention all these quotes to simply say that I don't know how to truly forgive someone...but I want to.

The definition of forgiveness: "Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as revenge, with an increased ability to wish the offender well. Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), pardoning (granted by a representative of society, such as a judge), forgetting (removing awareness of the offence from consciousness), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship)."

That last part is interesting...the part about how forgiveness is different from reconciliation. As stated above, I have always associated forgiveness with that...reconciliation..."I forgive you, so everything is fine now...let's pretend nothing ever happened." Perhaps it's not the same thing. I think I really want to research true forgiveness. If anyone has anything to share, please do so.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I think the first person we need to forgive is ourselves - for all our imperfections, our missteps, our failures...because underneath it all there is an awesome person who deserves only the best in life.
    1610 days ago
    I need to work on forgiveness in my own life as well. I agree with KITT52 that you forgive but you do not forget. It is hard for me to forgive others too but I find that it begins to weigh me down emotionally if I don't.
    1617 days ago
    I once read: keeping unforgiveness in your heart is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Once you forgive the person, you don't have to keep them in the front row theater of your life. Keep them at a distance if you can. Focus on the people who lift you up. That's my two cents on the matter. I weighed in because I think we are here to love one another. Sometimes the ones who cause the most hurt are in the most pain. Love and charity must start somewhere.

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    1617 days ago
  • KITT52
    forgiving has to do with you and your can forgive but don't have to forget....don't let people hold you hostage by there action....they are not worth the effort it takes to keep you in a state of hurt.....

    turn your feelings over to God, he and only he can judge them and give them what they's not easy but it's the only way.....

    praying for you....
    1617 days ago
    I read another quote a little while ago..."Forgiveness is not an occasional act. It is a constant attitude." ~Martin Luther King Jr.

    I have been wanting to forgive, but didn't understand what that really meant or involved. Now I'm getting it. I'm learning. This is not about other people changing or not changing. It's not about other people seeing the light or not seeing the light. It would be nice if they did, but that's not what it's about. It's not even about two people getting along, trying to reconcile or like each other. It's about allowing yourself to have freedom and peace.

    People are going to behave the way they're going to behave. That is the reality. People are just going to do what they're going to do. I can't let that have an impact on me any longer. I have to learn to forgive so that I can truly let go and move on...because that's what forgiveness IS! Letting go and moving on.
    1617 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/18/2013 2:08:54 PM
    Forgiveness requires compassion and is something I struggle with for those who have hurt me as well. I find these zen habits to be extremely helpful though. I have them bookmarked on my phone for quick reference AND printed on my bedside table for morning meditation (I am actively working to forgive someone). I hope they help to bring you peace, understanding, compassion, and ultimately forgiveness to those who have hurt you.
    1617 days ago
    Thanks I really needed to read this today, if you read my today's you'll understand how badly I needed this. I will change my feeling, but I will never trust this person anymore
    1617 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/18/2013 1:17:46 PM
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