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Being mean

Monday, December 16, 2013

I don´t exactly love my life today – and the effect is that I want to snarl and bitch at everybody that talks to me... my weightloss has stopped, can´t find any inspiration and also really fear the coming weeks when food will be everywhere and I would really need some good mood and willpower to get me through...

I haven´t written about the standup-experience, it went well. I tested my material and realised it was not fuynny - my audience did their best to encourage me but I didn´t enjoy it myself so I went home and thought it over.

And I realised that I do not want to be the "stand-up comedian" as it is mostly performed - my idea is that I observe peoples behaviour and then reflect about it in a funny way. So that is what I did - I told a "story" that was making a point that we hillbillies keep strangers away by not telling where places really are - in stead o "1st street nr 34 we say "In the old post office" or something like that that makes it only possible for people that has been around long enough to know where the post office was situated..." the audience was about 18 years old but they could understand my line of joke so it was okay.

The other performers seemed to lean a lot on dirty jokes - I find that rather boring. Nut our coach for the night - an established comedian, well known from teve - was wonderful - he said that we had only one mission - to get up on the stage and speak for three minutes and walk down again - if we managed that we would be winners because there are many people that would never dare to... it was great to get that message.

I was also surpriused over how difficult it really was and how nervous I was - I have bee a public speaker for 16 years, I have performed in front of 1500 people and am not nervous - but this made me almost faint and of course my experience of being on a stage helped me but I also realise that I will have to do this 20-30 times before I will start to feel comfortable.

It is maybe because of that activity that I fewel so uninspired now - I really worked a lot of adrenaline up to manage to do it and afterwards I felt rally empty and starte dto questeion everything - what good is it?

Daughter has been around this weekend and we have been cleaning and discvussiong our christmas together and my sister an us also went to borthers house for the christmas visit.. another inisght struck me, I am the little sister and when we gather I am mostly sort of brushed off and nobody is interested in what I have to say, have not sen that before. My contribution is to be witty turnback on their stories but my stories are not interesting...

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  • KARA151
    I applaud you for getting up on that stage. I know I couldn't, I would be too nervous and have nothing funny to say. I do like your idea of observing people and seeing the funny side. I'm going to practise that since I want to get better at seeing the funny side of life and not taking my own life so seriously.
    1577 days ago
  • 1SALMON1
    You used a lot of emotional energy to do a new and risky thing - it is just like a really hard physical feat; takes a while to recover from that. Of course you felt drained and uninspired after. I hope your mood is better now & you are getting back to a happier state. And Family! don't get me started. If you put my sister, my brother and me in the same room for more that 15 minutes and I am ready to disown both of them. (but by then one or the other will have dis-owned me!) Hang on, Meddy - we're almost through the holidays and life will go back to it's regular rhythm. You are doing just great!
    1583 days ago
    G'morning, Meddy... Sounds as though you're going through a rough patch, but sometimes it takes a bit of chafing before you reach a comfortable place again. The new year is coming - make some plans, set some goals, and know that you can make it a turning point.
    1586 days ago
    I admire you for trying out new things and going on stage like that. Very well done. (bowing to you).
    1586 days ago
    Your daring to go on stage (even if there were only a handful of people) is something that I could NEVER do. I even was able to manage to avoid speech class in high school. So my hat is off to you. While you may not have been as funny or received as well as you would have liked, it sounds like it managed to be OK.

    The tone of your writing sounds like you are feeling down on yourself. You find fault with your weight loss and even how you interact with your siblings. The holidays are a stressful time of year, perhaps the best gift you can give to yourself is the gift of self love. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a stranger.
    May you find serenity! emoticon
    1587 days ago
    1587 days ago
    emoticon You did something many people cannot do - got up before a large group and performed. I know I sure as heck could not have done that. I would rather hide in a closet! So look at what you did do and go from there.
    1587 days ago
    So you are picking on your self right now. You are being highly critical and that won't help you.

    Yes, you'll need to do stand up several times before you feel comfortable - if you decide to do this again. Well, many things in life are about the same. A new exercise program, eating healthy, drinking tons of water, they are the same. We never feel comfortable when we do something different.

    As to your family situation, it goes back to your stand up routine. I think it is directly related. You feel uncomfortable. I can relate.

    You got up on stage, you walked back down. Give yourself time to regroup and do it again. As to the family: accept the dynamics and move on without judging them and yourself. Sometimes a situation is unchangeable.
    1587 days ago
    Stay the course!
    1587 days ago
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