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Unattractive and undesirable.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

It's just how I feel lately...well, for a long time now.

I don't feel like I turn my husband on. At all. Ever. There was a time he couldn't keep his hands off me. He told me how pretty I was, complimented my makeup or my hair or my outfit, etc. And he did this even after we'd been married for several years. It's just been the past few years he hasn't been telling me anything like this. Basically, I know I've gained nearly 100 pounds since we started dating. I realize this does make me "less attractive." But you know what? He's gained about 80 pounds since we started dating...and I still find him attractive. I think he is sexy as hell. I don't know why he can turn me on even though he's gained so much weight, but I don't do the same for him. And believe me...I know I don't appeal to him like I used to. It's obvious. It is painfully, heartbreakingly obvious. I know he loves me. He tells me and shows me all the time. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about sex. Even though I know I'm not attractive...he could at least pretend that I am. He never, ever, ever, ever, ever tells me I'm pretty. Even if we get dressed up and go out on a date...I will put on the prettiest outfit I have, fix my hair and makeup, and put forth a real effort. He won't say a word. At this point, I would just about rather have an insincere compliment than no compliment at all.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Having gained 80 pounds himself, are you sure he doesn't feel so unattractive that he's kind of shut down?
    With that said, a conversation is certainly important. Let him know how you feel.
    1636 days ago
    I just read your last blog, then kinda glanced at this one, sorry to be sticking my nose in, but, in my opinion:
    - my husband constantly reminds me that confidence is what attracted him to me in the first place. I remember that whenever I feel ugly and unattractive. Do you think that maybe since you've gained weight, you are sending him the message that you aren't confident about your attractiveness?
    I also agree with all of your friends that have commented, you need and deserve compliments, if he isn't giving them to you, you need to have a conversation asap.

    1639 days ago
    We often turn to Others for definition of self. But Others often are the mirrors of the way we look at ourselves.
    How about finding yourself desirable, pretty, sexy????
    your husband will see you in a new light and hel'll feel you as desirable as can be emoticon
    1643 days ago
    Communication is important. Try talking to him about your feelings.
    1645 days ago
    This breaks my heart to read. Weight should have no effect on desire. Perhaps there is something else going on? As painful as it may be, you need to talk to him about it. Let him know. Maybe he genuinely has no idea how you feel. Some guys just DON't pick up on hints, no matter how obvious you try to make it. You are a beautiful person. Work on realizing that for yourself, and the rest will probably fall into place. ( I know, easier said than done. But stick on SP. Check out Operation Beautiful (google it!)

    Hope you havve a great week and start feeling better!

    1645 days ago
    Could he be feeling unattractive to you knowing you are changing to a healthy life and he isn't? Communication. Talk to him and make him talk to you. emoticon
    1646 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    Keep working on you and love yourself for your efforts. Believe in YOU and your beauty, because you are beautiful exactly how you are, at this moment. Fall in love with your beauty. Smile often, laugh happily and loudly if you want. Make the effort to put your needs first and take good care of you. When you LOVE yourself again, in the skin you are in, you will SHINE from inside out. You will SPARKLE. Give yourself permission to be really happy. Look in the mirror and SEE your beauty. Be beautiful. Work on you. Your husband will notice this shift in you. Men are attracted to women who feel pretty, and who work on themselves. Do it for you, he will notice! And when he does, accept his compliments humbly and graciously. Men love compliments too, so compliment him as well. Create a space where you can talk about how you feel and sex. Be loving and honest with responses. All the best!
    1646 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/15/2013 11:18:41 PM
    Speaking as a "big guy" -- please take note of both the big and the guy -- your husband should realize that, in love, its what is inside that counts. Before you put all of the blame on yourself, perhaps he is having issues with stress. Also, as men get older, their desire decreases to a point. I'm not saying that you should be happy with your weight gain. That is an issue that you have to make decisions about on your own. Nobody can make you lose weight, and, the weight where you are both comfortable and happy is YOUR ideal weight. Just putting this out there...hopefully, through discussion, you and your husband can work this out.
    1646 days ago
    Have you tried talking to him about this? Maybe you could set up some kind of system where say when one comes home and sees an obvious sign (could be anything like a jar that isn't normally flipped over all of the sudden flipped over) then that person knows the other needs a compliment or something.
    1646 days ago
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