Life is as usual around me and things have been hectic in so many ways. That is the life you have when you have 8 kids.
Some things around me have been looking up though, and that is really nice...
We bought a new car this week and that has been a long time coming. Four years ago, we filed a chapter 13 to cover the debt that went with t3 43he big car accident our son had (and that our insurance wouldn't cover because they capped how much they would pay out.) We paid a lot of money every other week on this thing, and found out that they had made a mistake in calculating our payments, so we would have paid it off three months early--but we used my husband's retirement bonus and paid it off some seven months early. That was a big monkey off of our backs. It took them until a week ago to do the paperwork to pay off the rest of our debts and then to let the court know we had paid it, getting us the legal paperwork we needed to be done with this. I know that if the rest of the world worked at this same pace, we would get relieved of our jobs--but anyone and anything who works with the judicial system seems to be exempt from routine expectations of regular people.
Anyway, we now have a new vehicle, a Kia van that my husband loves. I'm not sure if he loves it because it is in good shape, unlike the vehicles we have been dealing with for the past few years or if it is because it is that special. All I know is that he really loves this van. He bought a couple of extra warranties to go with it that basically covers every kind of problem you might have with a car up to about 100,000 miles. I know that gives us a lot to be thankful for and will keep him out from under cars working on them or trying to find reliable help with them that we can afford.
On Thursday, I called Mayo Clinic and tried to combine my next two sets of appointments--the week of January 13 except for Wednesday for my RF ablation and February 4.5.and 6 for fibromyalgia. I also have an appointment on January 24 at University Hospital for my back and that is a lot of work for me to miss in a short period of time. Anyway, it turned out that they couldn't do that. I told the lady on the phone why it was such an issue, especially since I couldn't make an appointment with the doctor to explain the reason she was opposed to my back surgery. I was fully aware that this was the same nurse who I talked to about getting that appointment and she did some major back-pedaling with me. She was "checking my chart" and the "nursing notes" and said that she didn't think the doctor refused to see me. She told me that this doctor wore many hats and went on and on--she was going to call me back, but she thought that the doctor might write me a letter and explain her opinions. I am about ready to cancel the ablation because I feel like I am being jerked around. I tried to be respectful of the doctor's time and expertise and asked for an appointment which I was clearly denied and now this woman is doing damage control. It may have been her error that caused the problem, but I feel that when a patient asks for an appointment, it should be taken seriously. If I cancel the ablation, I would feel better about the time I am going to miss from work. I can schedule it around here--I don't even know if it will help and it seems like I am going out on a limb with missing two more weeks from my work. I don't know if the fibro people can help me either, but this is a service I cannot get locally. I'm going to keep that set of appointments.
I have a lot of shopping left to do--it is hard to get it done when my back gives out so easily. My pain levels have been really off the charts and are getting worse daily. One thing that got my attention was when I was helping my sons to pick out some gifts. We were looking at a big decorator pillow for someone and I picked up this nice small pillow. I lay my head down on it and it felt unbelievable. I have been sleeping in this chair for a very long time and I haven't had the luxury of resting my head on a pillow in a very long time--some seven years, I think except when I have been in the hospital. It reminded me of what I have lost because of my back and well, brought a flood of feelings out.
I have been pretty emotional lately and that hasn't quite been a positive. A number of issues are bringing this out in me. I am trying to keep my head above water with depression and with all that I deal with, but it has been hard. I cannot do everything these days and part of that is here, especially with teams I lead and with the social parts of SP. I have to do what is best for me. I feel bad to let some of it go, but I have tried hard to do this for them for well, for years now. I will do what I can and am not abandoning them, but I cannot do any more right now while I am working on progress reports, working 10-12 hours a day at school with an overload of duties, planning our family's holiday (that is almost here,) trying to live with my back and help our youngest son to manage whatever he is going through these days. The best use of my time is to get to the pool as much as I can or to get as much walking in as possible on the days I cannot possibly make it. I have to take care of myself.
I think I am going to try and get some extra sleep today. That is a possibility for me. Usually, when I wake up early, I don't get to try for more sleep because it is time to start my day--but it is Saturday and I don't have to be anywhere until I have lunch with my best friend at 11. A nap is possible and I am going to keep trying. It has been a week of mixed blessings--getting a new car and some of the issues with the folks at Mayo solved are positives. Recognizing my limitations and making choices that are best for me are also positives. Having limitations is not a positive as is being under the gun for my progress reports and struggling to help Micah with his growing pains (that he rejects as an autistic teen-ager.) There continues to be a lot on my plate, but I am going to do what is best for me in the process. That is what these past few years here at SP has helped me to understand.
My life is all about self-care and it has taken me a lifetime to learn and understand that this is both important and that in order for me to do anything else, I have to do this. It is not being self-serving or lazy.
By George, I think I've got it!!