A Real Change
Thursday, December 05, 2013
I've struggled with yo-yo dieting, binge eating, and the occasional bulimic episode for a few years now, and despite being on Sparkpeople for a year, I admit that I haven't been the most consistent tracker. In November, I finally started to get on track again, and I was fairly consistent about tracking the calories, the fitness, and everything else; mind you, I was still binge eating and struggling with a number of emotional stresses.
After another recent bout of self-hatred, of feeling lost and down, I decided that I actually wanted to make a change. I didn't want to look into the mirror and feel complete loathing towards the body staring back at me, wishing that I could magically wake up and find my jiggly thighs and muffin top forever gone. Instead, I wanted to begin loving and taking care of my body and my heart. For some reason, I feel like I can actually make a change this time round. Maybe it's because this desire comes from wanting to love myself instead of wanting to look like some celebrity or be the woman that all men want (silly reasons, but I may as well be honest). Maybe I want to look at myself and feel warmth, compassion, and love, and understand that I am beautiful. I want to be fit, strong, healthy, and active for my entire life, and even though I'm still young, I know that if I start taking care of myself-inside and out-I'll be more resilient and happier.
I'm tired of hating myself, and thus, I am making a change.