Beware that first bite
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Ever since I came back from vacation - and, actually, just before I went - I have had problems staying on program. On any program. I did make it a whole week on the Belly Fat Cure program, which was remarkable for me lately. But I have seen some things going on that I want to get down on "paper" -
- when I get prepared to go on a trip, I get very very stressed. I was going to be seeing a whole lot of people I hadn't seen since I left Florida and I was down more than 100 lbs when I left. Being my typical "fear of success" person, I started eating before I left.
- after getting there, everyone commented on how thin I was, which was the same thing that happened when I came home for Mom & Dad's 60th anniversary 5 years ago. I didn't think I was losing weight for them, but I was certainly looking forward to the accolades. Actually, I would not have gone to Florida if I were not at least as thin as I had been when I left.
- so, after the trip was over, after everyone was 'wowed' at how good I looked, I let down my guard. I did this 5 years ago, and I did it this year. I have eaten back about 12 pounds. The first few, before I left, I didn't feel. I could deny that they were real because my clothes fit exactly the same. But, all of a sudden, the next 5 made a HUGE difference. One week, my shirts fit. The next week, they were tight on my arms and I had a roll around my waist. I can see the difference in my thighs in the mirror, which is odd because we usually don't actually see changes in our bodies.
I do not want to go on a 2 year long eating episode like I did 3 years ago. I want to stop this now. I do not want to go back to feeling ashamed of myself, feeling fat and useless. I know that in the big picture, no "goodies" are worth the burning in my stomach from the sugar or the burning in my heart from the weight gain. But each little bite is really easy to deny. It is so easy to deny a 1" nut cup as being of any consequence. But that one bite leads to 10 more. Then it leads to "lets just get this stuff out of my house" which doesn't mean tossing it. It means eating it. All of it. Now.
During the week that I was on the Belly Fat Cure program, I felt calm. I knew what I could eat and my body felt good. So, today, I am back. I will eat what makes me feel good. I will be mindful of that first bite. Because it is not the finishing off the pie and mincemeat tarts that does the damage. It is that first bite. The one the doesn't seem to matter. Without that first bite, the others will not happen.
Today, I will watch out for that first bite. I will keep in my mind how powerful that first bite is, as tiny as it may be.