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I'm So Thankful

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Since the Dirty Girl in September, I've be pretty down... I haven't had anything to look forward to or train for... I've gained a few too many pounds, and I'm starting to feel it and I definitely think it shows. You know, saying that out loud is pretty freeing. It's so hard to admit when things haven't been going well, it's like I'm letting EVERYONE down, not just myself. Amidst the crappy feeling, both physically and mentally, I truly am thankful for sooo much.

I am obviously thankful for my weight loss and my new life as a result of that. Like I said I have a few too many pounds to get rid of until I'm "back on track" but I'm truly happy for what I've done.

NEVER again!

I'm beyond thankful that I've I've been able to get my family and friends to get healthy.

My BFF of 20 years (MADTHENURSE)
She's been with me for the last 2 years on this journey, and I hope she continues to make changes in her life.

My husband's brother and his wife
They went on a 2 mile walk with me when we went to visit them in July, and since then, they've kept on walking!

My brother and his wife (MADDIESMOM102)
Chad said he's interested in starting up again, and I've been posting all that Lisa and I've been doing. Today she finished her FIRST TURKEY TROT!!! I'm SOOOO proud of her!

This is the same group I've been TT'ing with for the last 3 years!

GO LISA!!!!!

I'm thankful that my kids have a happy, healthy mom to run around with, and I'm thankful that I'm able to participate in activities that they want to be a part of. And I'm thankful that I can walk into their classroom, go to an after school activity, and attend parties with them, and no longer be embarrassed about being the "fat mom."

Panama Rocks

TBL 5k that they did with me this summer

Their last Cross Country Race of the season

After a 1 mile run, at their request!!!

I'm Thankful for my husband, who's been with me through all of this. The frustration and tears, and more importantly, the joy of hitting those milestones. He's told me "no" when I wanted pizza at 9pm because he knows I'd regret it, and he's bought me new workout clothes to celebrate a PR. He loved and married me at close to 300 pounds and I know he loves me even more now!

This is hard, and frustrating, and to be honest, sometimes, it's really easy to forget WHY I'm doing this. It's even harder when you feel like you're on your own, and a lot of times, it feels like I'm alone. SP friends disappear and even family and "real" friends lose their enthusiasm. Hell, sometimes, NO one can figure out why I'm still doing this.... not even me. I wonder why I'm fighting to lose the last 20lbs... I've even been asked that exact question. "You've lost so much, you look good, you're happy, why does it matter." Why DOES it matter??? That's why I have to think about the things I'm thankful for, and remember what I'll lose if I don't finish what I started... It's when I remember that I can't rely on anyone else... that I have to do this for me. I have to be my own super hero!

If I hadn't changed my life 3 1/2 years ago, I wouldn't be who I am today. The life my kids have wouldn't be the same, and I know my husband's happier. Happy wife, happy life, right?!? I'm pretty sure he'd agree, lol! So even though things aren't great right now, I know they can be and I know how to get there. I thought I'd be done with this weight loss thing in 2 years... people have lost 200 pounds in 2 years... well, that's not me and it doesn't matter. This is my life, and I'm living it! And I'm SOOO thankful for every minute!

I can't tell you how true this is!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TRACY31502
    This blog was simply amazing! I love love love it. You are just AWESOME! I have had so much of the same feelings when it comes to getting this last bit off and why an I letting it bother me etc. Thank you for sharing everything. You are incredible!!!! SEPER WOMAN!!!!
    1591 days ago
    hi love got a bit behind catchinmg up on my blogs after my computer was down a couple of weeks.still playing catch up lol.great blog as usual.i think you have and are doing great.keep on keeping on.hatre to say this though this journey is never done just the course might change abit once we get to goal but the journey is forever.take care and keep smiling emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1592 days ago
    Wow! You look fantastic! Truly inspiring emoticon .

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    1595 days ago
    WOW!!!! So awesome! I certainly can empathize...

    YOU are AMAZING and such an inspiration, Holly! I am so very grateful to know you and even more grateful for all you bring to this journey!!

    I love your pics...you look so INCREDIBLE...but that isn't all it's about, is it?!?! ;-)~~~

    How we look
    pales in comparison to the real reason we do this...we do it to save ourselves from the ravages of compulsive eating!!! I have to remember that CONSTANTLY!!!

    I love you and I am grateful for you, Sweetheart! I love the 'success' image...that is EXACTLY how it REALLY is!!! :-). Thank you for pointing that out so beautifully!!!


    1597 days ago
    Bravo Holly!

    I've been struggling too, but finally feel like I'm BACK!

    You are awesome!


    Have a great day and keep ...

    ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
    ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
    ((¸¸.•´ ..•´ Spreading the Spark!-:¦:-
    -:¦:- ((¸¸.•´*

    1599 days ago
  • MISSB8604
    I can't tell you how much I needed to hear this. Thank you.
    1603 days ago
    Loved this Holly! Loved your pictures! You are an inspiration....You can do it......You can finish this...and then work to maintain....It is ALL worth it....Your good health will carry you far.....your future gandkids will be running and playing with you! I am so proud of you....Thank you! emoticon emoticon
    1603 days ago
  • BRADMILL2922
    Lots and lots and lots to be thankful for! Love all of the pictures! Look at all the people you inspire every day! How cool is that? I am glad that they have recognized that you know what you are doing and talking about. They see that you are a special person and can get strength and guidance from you because as you know, this thing is hard! Never forget how inspiring you are and never stop being proud of what you have done!

    I know I am thankful for YOU!


    1603 days ago
    I'll add another YOU ARE emoticon to the comment section, LOL!! You are definitely not alone in this, even when it seems like you are. You've shared too many sparks to be alone. I hope you look back on this list of accomplishments and think "Yeah, I did all that! I can do anything I set my mind to!" emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1604 days ago
    As always Holly, you a great inspiration!!
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    1605 days ago
  • DIANER2014
    You're an inspiration! Thanks for sharing! emoticon
    1605 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/1/2013 5:12:32 PM
  • GABY1948
    You are SO right...about it ALL...you have SO much to be thankful for...and success really DOES look like that! Never saw that one before...and one you didn't mention (rightfully) was how BEAUTIFUL you are though beauty is as beauty does. But judging from what you right you are as beautiful inside as you are outside! You have much to be thankful for for sure and SO does your family!

    Have a blessed Christmas Season, Holly! emoticon emoticon emoticon

    1605 days ago
    What an inspirational story! emoticon for sharing your story! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1605 days ago
    You are an inspiration and your extended family is so fortunate to have you as a role model and cheerleader!!!
    1606 days ago
    you are my biggest inspiration in my friend feed. You started right where I did and you make me believe that it is possible, (with struggles) and determination it will happen. Thank you for that.
    1606 days ago
    Back at it! We can both get the last of this off. I didn't forget about you. I thought of you, a fellow Erie area girl and decided to check in and see how you're doing. And you are doing amazing!! I loved this thankfulness blog--beautiful!!
    1606 days ago
    Totally understand ... I have been struggling the past few months. Still maintaining, want to get leaner and be down to goal, but to much going on and not the right mindset. Still looking at the little successes, even though some days they are hard to see. They are there. We will get there, we are there! Look at all we have accomplished and all we inspire!! Be nice to ourselves! You are awesomely, beautiful!! Thanks for always sharing and inspiring!:) So thankful for You!!!:)
    1607 days ago
    You have done amazing things Holly!! Don't forget that. I wish weight loss/maintenance wasn't a struggle, but I'm not giving up and I know you wont either. You're a fighter Holly!! You are an inspiration to many, me included. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1607 days ago
    emoticon You certainly give me something to look forward to in the future. I admire you so much. I'm still at the beginning, so I can't even imagine how hard the end is, but I love that you're still here, and you're not giving up. You're such an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your journey and your life. Please know that I am here cheering you on, and if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask! emoticon
    1607 days ago
    Holly, I hope you felt better immediately after writing this blog!

    People stop commenting because they've accepted this as the "new you!" But only YOU know the work and effort that goes on in the background to maintain the new you. WATERMELLEN has written several blogs about that; she's been at goal for so long a lot of people in her life don't even know that she lost 90 pounds.

    You've lost the weight for all the right reasons and that's what's going to keep you going. Dig deep, and get going. You know it's worth it. Your friends and family in your real life look to you for hope that it's possible and your friends in Sparkland rely on you for the same thing. It's a community effort, and you can turn to us for motivation, too!

    Dr. Beck, in the Beck Diet Solution, differentiates between your lowest ATTAINABLE weight and your lowest SUSTAINABLE weight. You need to find a number that works for you, that you can SUSTAIN without going crazy. A weight that you can maintain easily and with grace, that allows you to focus on your family and your life.

    I think you are in a funk and I hope this helps! You are LOVED, and you are APPRECIATED! Keep fighting the good fight, girl! ((hugs))
    1607 days ago
    Yes. This. All this. I think I feel a lot the way you do about the last 20 lbs, especially since my husband likes me at this weight better than at my goal and keeps telling me so, and that makes it harder to want to follow through. It certainly makes it easier to think, "Hey, if it takes longer, what does it matter, sure I'll eat this cookie..." yeah...

    Honestly, I think that's the main reason I want to switch focus now. I know I'm not there, but I know I'm not going to just get there like I might have once done, whether that block is mental or physical (and it's probably both).
    1607 days ago
    Holly you are never alone even if it feels that way. We constantly see the change in you and couldn't be more proud. You've inspired others to do something to improve their own health. They look at you and see WOW maybe there is hope in my future also. You've not failed anyone, you've achieved so much not only in weight loss. Your out look on life is so much more healthy and happy.

    Keep it up I know that weight will come off and it doesn't matter how long it takes. The journey itself is what matters, and you've had a GREAT TRIP so far. Love you
    1607 days ago
    It's great to hear from you Holly. Maybe set your mind to training to be ready for super training for the next event. Then training for the next event will be that much easier. You know that another event will come up soon. Those last 20 will come off and you'll have pride in ownership of your accomplishment. emoticon
    1607 days ago
    It's probably the last that's the hardest. You look fab. Hang in there with your lifestyle changes and it will come. Find the balance between being too hard on yourself and letting yourself get off track. I have several different motivational quotes and pictures centered on "One day at a time" I look at them every morning because I need to. Your attitude is great!! You will do it.
    1607 days ago
    Holly. You do look wonderful, but if YOU don't feel wonderful it is for sure time to review. I know that you will bring yourself back to your journey's path. Maybe not today but then again, why not today? The holidays tend to throw people into a tailspin and sometimes cause us to brood. I know I have a hard time in the fall and on overcast days. Give yourself a pat on the back or even a reward for recognizing that all is not well and search your days and mind for what YOU need to do to get moving again. Always want more for yourself.

    1608 days ago
    Holly, people like you make it easier to log onto sparkpeople, everyday. Sure we can start, and track and all of that good stuff but when the going gets tough (or too much) I look to pages like your for a good kick in the booty. Those last 20lbs are probably important because its the finish line so to speak. Do you need to cross it? No, because look at you; you look fantastic! I think it's something that maybe you have to do for you. You are an inspiration to a lot of us and I hope you remember to be your own hero too. Bad times come but they don't last for long emoticon
    1608 days ago
    You've doe fantastic! I hope you are extremely proud of yourself and all you've accomplished!!!
    1608 days ago
    We are not letting 'everybody' down when we gain a little weight back, just ourselves.

    This: 'I've gained a few too many pounds, and I'm starting to feel it and I definitely think it shows.' is how I've felt a couple of times on my journey as well. So many people compliment you when you're losing, but never say a word when you gain. And I believe that if I notice a gain, enough to go up a pant size for example, *guaranteed* others notice it, too. When we think it shows, it probably does. People are just too nice to say anything. What would they say, really?
    coworker: 'looks like you gained.'
    me: *stoney stare* 'f-it. I thought that 23 lbs were an invisible addition like a weight on my shoulders. Not a weight on my belly and hips.'

    Seriously. People won't comment.

    We have to do it for ourselves. And it is such an up and down ride, and I agree that it can be very, very lonely at times. Even hard to focus on why you are doing it sometimes. And I also wonder if perhaps the last 5 lbs may be the thing that keeps me on-track some day in the future.

    I can relate to a lot in your post!

    Keep up the hard work- it all pays off.
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    1608 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Great pictures! You look awesome!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1608 days ago
    You are so inspiring! Don't forget that!!
    1608 days ago
    Thank you so much for sharing this blog with us. I'm so motivated to get back to a healthy lifestyle after the baby is here.
    I want her to know an active, healthy family. My boys didn't have that benefit and I'm going to make damn sure my little girl does!
    Happy Thanksgiving. Continued success at those last 20 pounds. You can do this Holly!
    1608 days ago
    thank you for sharing this, it is hard to admit to a struggle, especially when people think you must have the answers!

    Good luck with that last 20lbs, it might take a while but I'm confident you have it in you to achieve the goal.

    best wishes and big hugs
    1608 days ago
    awesome job
    1608 days ago
    You're MY hero! I love you Holly and I'm still here too! Happy thanksgiving doll!
    1608 days ago
    You are awesome!
    1608 days ago
    You are amazing and inspiration to those of us who don't know you in real life!!! emoticon emoticon
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