Thursday, November 28, 2013
I have been at the doctor's office a LOT lately. I'm having elbow surgery on Tuesday, and my opposite arm has tendonitis in the shoulder (rotator cuff). Both hips hurt me, but they have ruled out arthritis. I have been taking pain pills occasionally at night, but they give me a "pill hangover" the next day. I hate taking pills, but sometimes I'm too uncomfortable to sleep otherwise.
On Tuesday, I talked with my doctor about my weight. I told her all about my struggles over the past 15 years, and all the different diets, workouts, strategies, therapies, and mindsets I've tried. I told her I'm determined to get fit and healthy, but admitted to total fear that I might not be able to do it. I feel paralyzed by past failures.
She was great. She empathized, and agreed that I really cannot gain any more weight since I am pre-diabetic. She agreed that my hip pain is likely exacerbated by the extra pounds. She suggested that I try medical weight loss, and she offered to be my support while I drop some weight via a low-calorie, high protein diet.
My gut tells me I need to do it. For the first time in my life, I do not feel well physically, and I am scared of diabetes. The doctor will monitor my potassium levels and vitals, since the diet will be very low calorie.
But I'm nervous. After years and years of dieting, I'm finally in a place where I don't really believe in diets and deprivation anymore. I've been trying to love my body as it is, and reduce my portions by paying attention to the hunger scale, and mindfully eating. I'm trying to be kinder to myself with regard to weight loss. This way of doing things feels more nurturing, more body affirmative, and kinder to myself.
So I'm struggling with this decision, because from a health perspective, weight needs to come off as soon as possible, and despite my best attempts and motivation, I have actually gained weight over the past couple of years, resulting in pre-diabetes. For these reasons, I want to do the medical weight loss program. But I do worry about the feelings of deprivation, the high-protein (I am a near-vegetarian), and, well...just doing something that feels extreme.
Has anyone else ever been in this position?