Why can't I just be normal?
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Six months ago I was diagnosed with Otostenosis, which is hearing loss. My condition is hereditary and fortunately there is a surgery that I will eventually be eligible for but until then I have to deal with asking people to repeat themselves, turning the TV and radio up to hear etc. I was pretty upset by that news because hearing loss has been something I feared since I was young and saw my mom go through it.
Well this week mother nature decided to trump my cards and I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure....meaning I'm going through Menopause at the age of 32. Because apparently life thinks I haven't had enough crap handed to me.
The POF is because at 16 I had cancer and because of the chemo I had to treat the type of cancer I had this is a long term side effect. Although I was just diagnosed with POF we think that it may have started a few years ago because my symptoms have been present for a few years, but because my symptoms are pretty mild and a lot of them I have had since I started chemo 16 years ago I always just associated them as the norm for me.
I won't go into boring detail of my symptoms but an example would be hot flashes. I had hot flashes when I was going through chemo. I was told that was a side effect and that it should go away. It never did. So since I was 16 I have had hot and cold flashes. Well that's also a symptom of menopause. My hot and cold flashes have not gotten worse so I didn't think anything of them. So having them why would I all of a sudden think I'm going through menopause?
I just feel empty right now. I figured I wouldn't go through this for at least 20 more years. And while I wasn't planning on having anymore children I don't like that the option is now being taken away from me.
While I normally try to be positive and think that everything happens for a reason...I'm almost starting the "Why me" syndrome. I don't know I just feel like I've already been given so much crap in my lifetime. I know I could be worse off, I try to tell myself that. But knowing that doesn't make my pain for this go away.