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I'd feel bad if I didn't have an entire philosophy about not feeling bad...

Monday, November 25, 2013


that's what I always say. None of us can make losing weight our full time job every day forever, and that's okay.

So I'm holding on to that instead of being like, "man, it's thanksgiving week and I'm only 2-5lbs lighter than I was in MARCH."

RIGHT but see, back when I was doing Weight Watchers, this many months of not being successful actually meant gaining back 40lbs, so in that sense I'm a SUPERHERO.

It's fine.

I'm out of training as far as running goes - it got too cold and too busy WAY too fast! But I'm doing my 5 mile (FIVE FREAKING MILE) Turkey Trot on Thursday morning anyway, because the POINT is to 1) go and 2) finish. WHATEVER. IT'S FINE.

Also, I'd like to point out that I'm 20-25lbs lighter than I was for my first ever Turkey Trot LAST year, so. Progress. Yes.

The story is that my sort of mini boss (the lead of my team, supervisor when my bosses aren't in) is going out on maternity leave. So I am becoming temporary mini boss. Also, I am going overseas with my boss in January to provide consulting for a similar company (again, mini boss would normally go, but - baby) which means I have to create all the training manuals before then.

OH and I'm finishing up writing projects for the grant I used to be on. Every time I think they're done people come back with another 6 pages or whatever of edits.... AND I'm going to have a big summer project so preparations (and writing manuals) will be starting soon.

All in the middle of our busiest season for travel. The week of the horrible saturday I worked a 6 day work week, with 4 travel days (normally 3 is considered a heavy load) one of which I was solo which is 3x as hard. Weather, and resultantly, traffic, were also horrible that week so allll the travel days were way more stressful than they should be. ARGHH. On top of travel I had to run 2 programs I have never run before so I had to bring work home every night and study. Or, attempt to study and pass out with my face in the pile of papers...

So yeah. I kind of want to be hard on myself for not running, but it was all I could do to get enough sleep to remain functional that week! I barely ate most of those days.

I'm glad it's easing a tiny bit... I'm sort of adjusting. But I don't take over fully as mini boss until after Thanksgiving so I'm sort of dreading that.

(I did a practice mini boss day on... I want to say Friday? my main task will be to create & send the daily schedules to the entire company. So she had me do it for Friday while she's still here to help. I forgot to attach the public schedule file and left off 3 of the coordinators from other departments. Haaaaa. I joked with everyone "now you know what to expect while (mini boss) is away..." heh. she's efficient! I'm new at this! Suck it up!)

EITHER WAY, when we get back we're joining the town rec center as our gym. Back to early morning workouts! We can go at 5 or 5:30, Mr. Turtle will work out for ~1/2 hour then get in the shower there (we pass the train on the way home, so it doesn't make sense for him to come home & shower & then walk 30 minutes to the place we just drove past). I will do a full hour. I'll drop him at the train on my way home, then go home & walk Turtle Puppy, shower, breakfast us both, etc. I've done all the timing in my head and it will work out nicely.

All last winter we went to Planet Fitness at ~6am, had to get up at 5:30 because it was so far from our apartment, and it worked out. It got me started in getting fit and I did half of NROL, all of Couch to 5k on the treadmills, etc. It's not hard. I can easily get up at 5:30 every day, it will just take a week to get used to it again.

And as always, I won't be able to go on days I have to be at work at 6:15am but that's normal. Of course, I used to get home early on days I had to be in that early, but now that I'll be mini boss I'll probably be in til 6pm every day anyway... I'll figure something out. I always do.

I feel bad I'm not keeping up with challenge updates. I'm sorry MINEA!!!! :( I was super excited about it. I can do an update at the end of the month & we'll see where we both are. We're supposed to continue through December, so there's still time. MAYBE I'll CATCH YOU YET!! ;D probably not but I can TRY!

I do think when it gets warmer again Turtle Puppy will come running with me. :) Right after we got her home she got sick - kennel cough! No big surprise, as she was rescued from a breeder, went through all sorts of stress, and dragged around to a huge adoption event. Since then I've learned it's likely MOST rescued dogs will have it at first. I just didn't know to expect that. Anyway, she's recovered really quickly! Starting about Thursday her coughing dropped off dramatically, and so far today she hasn't coughed at all (knock on wood!!). I'm excited since I was reading online that it can last up to 4 weeks (???).

As she both settles in, and is feeling better, she's getting a lot more energetic. At first I was like, oh, she's never going to actually run with me. She still spends a lot of time snuggling on laps and snoozing (she slept all day in the car on the 7.5 hour drive yesterday. LOL) but now she trots along at a quick pace on walks, and if I jog a bit she will gallop along! My biggest challenge will be not tripping and falling on my face because I'm too busy giggling at how cute she is. I first realized she was starting to feel better when she started doing these SuperPuppy Boing jumps up the curbs on walks. LOL. SUPERPUPPY!!!

Best of all I'm back to tracking. I couldn't really do it yesterday because I was driving all day, but I was keeping a running tally in my mind. I was thinking, hmmmm, dinner was probably more than I should have eaten. I am definitely over my bottom of my range, up to my top at least, and maybe a little over. When I tracked my meals this morning, it's EXACTLY where I thought! The MEALS worked out exactly like I thought and would have put me right at the top of my range. The problem? The oreos I ate between lunch & dinner. Heh. NO MORE OF THAT!

But I'm excited because in the past I have never trusted myself to know what I should/shouldn't be eating without measuring and tracking it first. This gives me confidence that other than snacks, just for meals, if I have days I'm too busy to track I can still trust myself to eat reasonably.

I brought my protein powder & such home for breakfasts all week. One of my issues is when I'm home with my family I usually fall into bad eating habits. For me, a "bad" breakfast sets me up for a horrible day. So I can enjoy some holiday treats, but cereal & toast for breakfast cannot be part of that. Protein shakes it is! I'm going to buy some veggies & stuff for lunches later, and watch my portions at dinner and I should be good. Plus no crazy work stuff so I have plenty of time to track. I have just discovered Turtle Puppy fits very nicely on my lap as I am typing. emoticon

My craving for sweets has dropped off dramatically lately, which is awesome. I don't know why it happened I'm just glad it did! The other night I found the Halloween candy and got out 3 pieces. I ate one and then I was like... "meh" and put the other two in the cabinet. And this is mini kit kats and hershey bars - my favorites! I was surprised but happy. Same thing at my inlaws on Saturday for early Thanksgiving. There were the usual 25 kinds of desserts. Usually I have a piece of something and tastes of everything AND ice cream because yum. I had a cookie and a bite of one pie and one cake and was like ".... meh." It feels good, to be like "meh" over foods instead of the obsessive "I want to eat ten pounds of it but I know I shouldn't." Am I fixing my broken food brain??? I always thought it would be broken forever, but maybe it really can change.

So that is all good news. Honestly I can focus on this stuff - positive improvements that will let me be healthier for the long term - over the scale. The scale will come in time.

Speaking of... I was down to 246, and one day even to 244 (but those initial big drops never last for me, I always "bounce" back up a bit after those). I was back to 246, and just before leaving to come here, 248. I'm not beating myself up, I just said to myself "so self... this means you can't just go Thanksgiving week saying to yourself, 'oh, I'm doing okay, I can just relax and then start tracking again after Thanksgiving'. I mean... Unless you WANT to be back in the 250s. do you?" "No. no I do not." "okay then. Let's track all week, eat the same breakfast and lunch as always, and make Thanksgiving dinner your 'treat.'" "will do. Thanks, self."

Also I need to get my water consumption back up. My momma bought me lots of seltzer. :)

So that is where I am. I miss you all and I'm sorry I've been away. I will check in with a couple SparkBuddies each morning this week as part of my relaxing vacation & see what I've missed. :)

Happy Thanksgiving - I hope everyone is well and safe & with someone they looooove.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Glad pup fits in your lap (remember when you didn't have much of one? Lap, not pup) I'm finally getting back to working out. Re-joined y Friday and gone every day so far. We'll see if I can get online enough to track. Have a great week with pup!
    1604 days ago
    I'm head is just stressing by reading about work hope things slow done alittle bit.
    1605 days ago
    Aww! I'm sorry to hear about turtlepup. Glad he's getting better, though!

    I am totally were you are right now on reflection and all that. I was thinking earlier about how much weight I lost in my first year, and how I'm close to the end of this year and "only" lost 6lbs. Then I felt like a total dork and realized that I'm only like 6 months into year 2. Then I felt bad about having only averaged 1lb a month when I gained for three of those! Argh!

    but you are totally right. Life happens, and we move on and try to do better. Good timing on your blog to help me, I guess! :O

    When shopping, I always feel like my cart is my most important line of defense. If I can keep it out of my cart, I'm like 75% of the way to not eating it! It's tough when our husbands like junk food, but I look at it this way: He doesn't like coming to the store with me. If it's not on the shopping list, I try not to buy it. He never puts cookies/candy/chips on the shopping list, so I don't bring them to him. I know if they are in the house, he'll eat them, but we both know that neither of us should be eating that junk anyway!

    So, I feel successful if I can make it home without any junk food!

    I'm totally with you on starting the day with a good breakfast, too. Some days, I just want to eat a pile of buttered English muffins for breakfast, but that's like.. starting a fail day with fail. When I can start with my shake, I feel like I'm starting the day off on a good note& have a better chance of being more successful, so go you!

    My comment is long because I want to comment on all your FEELS in your blog! XD SORRY!

    But as for the things not tasting as good as you thought they would.. YES! I experience this all the time to the point where it's kind of depressing sometimes! I mean, it's AWESOME because if I eat something and realize it wasn't the orgasmic food experience I assumed it was, I'll be less likely to eat it again. On the flipside, though, I feel like the amount of truly awesome splurge foods that are amazing in my mouth keep getting fewer and fewer, and that makes me sad. Because I love food. And I love good food. And even though junk is not good food, it's sad finding out stuff that I used to look forward to is disappointing!

    I know I should be happy about that, but sometimes it makes me very blah :P I love your positive and optimistic blogs, though, and I need to learn to be more positive!
    1608 days ago
  • MINEA999
    Just reading your blog entries exhausts me. While I have missed you, I didn't get the impression that you had checked out - just that you were stupid busy.

    I think you would make a great mini-boss. And I'm usually right so...there's that.

    Since we're almost at the end of the month - let's add up our minutes for our challenge then and see where we're at! I'm kicking your behind big time though. Just sayin'.

    Glad TurtlePuppy is settling in and has stopped coughing. You seem quite enamoured with her.

    I think you should definitely listen to 'yourself'. I think all too often we see holiday and think 'free for all' when in fact it's one meal. So eating normally the rest of the time and splurging for one meal should be okay. It's when we splurge at every meal throughout the holiday is when we get in trouble.

    Or in my case, when I stupidly agree to go to a cookie exchange party and then convince myself I have to eat all the broken cookies because I couldn't possibly serve those and then once we exchanged them all, convince myself that I have to try one of each kind that I've now got. Okay, maybe 2. And I may have just eaten cookies for breakfast on Sunday morning. BUT, I did finally get the rest packaged up and shoved down into the depths of the deep freezer now. Apparently I can keep chocolate in the house without a problem but cookies are another story.

    You're doing a not-bad job at keeping your sh!t together - so just keep doing that.

    Take care!!
    1610 days ago
    What can I say? There are so many funny and inspiring bits to this blog that I cannot really come up with a response, except to give you a big virtual hug and a giant WTG!! for all you are doing to connect with us in the midst of a wacky transition to mini boss, superdog owner, etc.

    My favourite line is this: "Am I fixing my broken food brain??? I always thought it would be broken forever, but maybe it really can change."

    Profound and true. We had parts of us that were broken but that can change.

    Happy Thanksgiving, and enjoy your down time with family and superpooch.


    P.S. I love that your Mom stocked up on seltzer for you -- it may seem like a little thing, but it's that kind of support that makes all the difference.
    1610 days ago
    Life definitely does happen sometimes. I think you're coming at it with a fantastic attitude! Just keep on keeping on, and you will do great!

    1610 days ago
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