Crash and Burn
Friday, November 22, 2013
Stress eating, the reason I am fat. Am I overly tired? Eat. Am I angry? Eat. Did I have a bad day at work? Eat. Is my husband sick? Eat.
Food comforts me. Certain foods evoke strong emotions, memories of childhood, places, people. Cooking is relaxing after a stressful day. If I can't control a situation, at least my kitchen is running smoothly. And cookbooks are my favorite bedtime reading.
So, when I got sick this last week and had to go off my RA meds for 10 days, the stress got to me. I ate. I ate. I ate, brownies, sloppy joes, chips, Taco Bell, mac and cheese...I was stressed and tired and not feeling well, so that was an excuse to eat out, and make bad menu choices.
Crash and burn. And getting back on track is not happening. And that creates guilt and stress, which makes me want to stuff my face. Even as I sit here typing, I am so full from dinner that I am uncomfortable.
Usually, this is the end. My attempt at loosing weight is flung in the garbage heap, and I shuffle off into unhealthy eating once again. But now I MUST get healthy. Now loosing weight isn't really a choice. My weight can keep me from remission and create joint damage, fatigue, pain, not just a large waistline and a double chin.
The holidays are coming, but I can't use that as an excuse. This time I have got to make my health more important than food, and that is very difficult, when good health is so far down the road and the donut is right in front of me.