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Friday 11-22-2013 Assortment

Friday, November 22, 2013

An old woman was on her deathbed. The minister came to visit her and asked, “Do you have any last wishes?”
“Yes,” she said. “I want to be cremated. And then, I want my ashes spread all over the mall.”
“Why would you want me to do that?” the minister asked.
“Because,” she replied, “it’s the only way my daughters will come and visit me once a week.”
What is a ship doing when it is cold-ironing?

It’s in port with its onboard generators shut down, using shoreside power.

Network acronyms

QVC: This home-shopping channel’s name boasts of “quality, value, and convenience.”

MSNBC: A joint venture between Microsoft and NBC, the name combines the “MS” of Microsoft with NBC.

WGN: A general entertainment cable channel, it began as a local Chicago station, where it was owned by the Chicago Tribune, whose slogan is “World’s Greatest Newspaper.”

CNBC: This cable news channel is operated by NBC … but its acronym does not mean “Cable NBC.” According to NBC, it actually stands for Consumer News and Business Channel.
The worthless prizes on Let’s Make a Deal are known as “zonks.”
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