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Getting back in touch with myself

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

It's been a looooong time since I've used this blog. Or sparkpeople, for that matter. But that's what happens when you live for a long time without the internet. And when you bounce back and forth between wanting to be accountable to yourself and not wanting to be accountable for anything at all.

In my absence from this site, I've mostly been doing the whole yo-yo thing. Losing and gaining the same 20-30 pounds or so. At the beginning of this year, I sort of had this revelation. And by revelation, I mean I ate until I threw up. Well, to be fair to myself, I think I actually had food poisoning because the throwing up lasted over a weekend, but the timing in relation to the binge was enough for me go to "hmmm" and take a nice long look at myself. I finally had to ask myself the question, why do I keep eating until I feel sick? I was the queen of ordering and then eating an entire large pizza by myself, and every time I did, I'd feel awful. Pizza wasn't my only binge food, but it was definitely at the top of the list. The self-questioning was sort of like the time when I stopped and asked myself why I kept drinking until I experienced vertigo. That issue, for whatever reason, was a whole lot easier to look at. After my last battle with alcohol-induced vertigo, I was pretty much like, f*ck this, and I stopped drinking so much. So what is the deal with food? Why is it not as easy?

But anyway, back to my revelation. I came out of that weekend with a new determination to get this thing done. Get the weight off and stop doing things that make me sick (or keep me sick). To fast forward through a few months, I did pretty well for awhile via biggest loser workout dvds and walking while there was still snow on the ground, then interval training and biggest loser dvds once the snow went away. I managed to drop about 35 pounds (I'm pretty sure I've managed to put some back on, but not lots) and then plateaued. And I'm still stuck.

And fast forward again to now. The last couple of months have been a bit of a whirlwind, so I haven't really been making myself a priority. Three weeks ago I moved from Alaska to New York to pursue my dream of being an editor. Big move (obviously) with lots of stress. Food has definitely been a comfort, but even with as much as I've been eating, it hasn't been a comfort in the way that it used to be, so maybe I have made some progress this year in spite of being stuck for so long. Before the move, I wasn't worrying about my activity levels too much because there was so much to do, but I knew that I needed a plan for after I landed in NY. I've been a little pokey about getting into gear, but I went for my first run since I got here on Monday, which is what brought me here to revamp my sparkpage and start in on this blog again.

The run was fabulous. In an omg this hurts sort of way, but still. I live right near the beach, so I was able to run ON the beach which was pretty much like living in a different universe with how amazing it was. I miss the trails of Alaska, but this was a good trade off (especially since there are no hills!!). I also got a rush of pride, which was a great feeling and something I haven't been feeling so much lately because my job hunting isn't going so well. I jogged my entire first mile, but when I turned around (my plan was a two mile jog), I was running straight into a very intense wind. But rather than just submit to walking it back, I switched to doing intervals (running during the verse of the song that was playing and walking during the chorus). This is where the pride came in. I made the best of the situation and pushed myself to work harder. (I'm pretty sure Jillian Michaels's voice was in my head, too, yelling at me to push myself!)

So, the plan. The plan is to focus on running, not weight, because I always seem to do better when it's about running rather than weight. Because then it's about how I feel rather than how I look. I conquered the 5k this summer. Well, I don't know if I "conquered" it, but on July 4th I did the Independence Day 5k in Fairbanks and jogged the WHOLE thing. No walking. So that sort of knocked 5k training off my list because now I know I can run 3 miles without stopping, and I've repeated it, so I need a new goal because before it was to run 5k without stopping. So now I'm on to the 10k. I'm going to work with the sparkpeople 10k training plan. I think I'm going to start next week. I'm doing warm up runs this week just to get running back in my legs. That program is 12 weeks which will take me into early February. I'll try to find a 10k to actually run then, but I'm finding that 10k races aren't as numerous here as they were in Fairbanks. Have they fallen out of favor and I never noticed? Or have they never actually been in favor? Anyway, I'm going to do the 10k training through February, and then in March I'm going to start a 20 week half marathon training plan. *big breath* This one I'm nervous about. I decided on the half marathon goal back in September, though I wasn't sure if it was a realistic goal or not. I'm still not sure, but I'll never know unless I start the training and try. The goal is to run a half marathon next September. There's a Labor day half in my neighborhood that I'm shooting for.

It's a little daunting, but all I have to do is take it one week at a time. And keep putting one foot in front of the other.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow... that's a HUGE move! My brother just moved from Wisconsin to NYC, so not quite as far, but at 21, still a big step! Good luck out there!

    I know food is a comfort, but it can also be comforting in smaller portions. Savor what you eat and know that you don't NEED it to be happy. If running is making you happy, go for a run instead of opening the fridge. I know, a A LOT easier said than done, but still, its one day at a time. Baby steps :-)
    1615 days ago
    congrats and emoticon all the best with your training!!!
    1616 days ago
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