FALLENXRUBY

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Crazy

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

I can't even look my parents in the eye. I am so ashamed about my eating and about their "jokes" about hiding food from me. That is what Tony said. He said it was just a joke, but he gently tried to say that I have a thing for provolone and he didn't want it to disappear. I can't even remember eating all his provolone. I must be in denial about my eating over the years. My mom looked at me like I was crazy when I denied eating their food.

I feel terrible. I have no will power in the evening. I can pray and plan in the beginning of the day, but after work, exhausting work, I just can't seem to make the right choices. I am so sick of whining about this! I can't stand to hear myself say the same things over and over. I hate crying about this same stupid thing which is my own damn fault.

I don't know what to do. I just don't. I do know that no matter how sick of hearing myself cry about this, that I need to find some way to get it under control because I can't keep gaining weight all my life and I can't eat terrible foods because I will die. My father died of an early heart attack (age 45). All this abstinence from sugar then loading up on sugar is going to make me diabetic. I know that I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but I also feel like I feel like I am trying to give up - that part of me is just trying to lose all willingness and just throw in the towel after all these steps back, and I can't let that happen. I need to keep doing this because it is closer to living.

I am just tired and sad and stressed out by tons of things to do, and I don't want to look at my life through this lens, but I feel very overwhelmed and alone.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PATSYB7
    Exercising after work will help you de-stress. Hang in there! Keep Sparking!
    emoticon emoticon
    1676 days ago
  • BTWIMKEE
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    I'm sorry your family is treating this as a joke, hun. Sadly a lot of people don't see it as anything serious and think "putting the fork down" is easy... It seems like you need a little space from your family if that is at all possible. Nothing too major like packing up and moving twenty states away but just some time where you can reflect on YOU and what YOU need and want to do. Get align with your feelings and goals and just feel a little peace with everything.

    I agree with USMAWIFE about the glasses of water. Water fills you up and if you drink a cup before a meal it will help fill you so you won't fill up on food. Meal prepping might be a good idea for you as well if you haven't tried it already. Prepare your meals for the week on Sunday and that way when you come home in the evening you'll just grab a water and your meal for the day. I try not to eat in the kitchen because of the sheer temptation of going back for a second helping. It takes time but you WILL get through this and conquer what you're dealing with. Shed the tears, kick and scream if needed... Release it so you can focus and move forward ~ this too shall pass!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1676 days ago
  • STEVENKIND
    If you are serious about this, get into an evening exercise group. If you are alone, like a lot of us are, even after an exhausting day, after 5 aerobics may bring your spirits up. It focuses me, somewhat on the evening. Not every night, but most. Your smile is too pretty to look down.
    1676 days ago
  • BULLRN58
    Excellent post. Thank you
    1676 days ago
  • USMAWIFE
    emoticon Before you do the evening food, drink two glasses of water very slowly, breathing in and letting your body know this is all you want for satisfaction now

    also try getting cinnamon capsules and taking them with meals throughout the day. that will help lower your cravings as well as your blood sugar.
    1676 days ago
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