_COSMOPAULATAN_
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Patterns

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Well... if there was anything learned from the past couple weeks, it was this:

Paula decides to get back to the gym and start taking care of herself.
Paula starts to get happy and feel good about herself.
Paula ends up meeting someone.
Paula goes MIA.

This is a pattern and it has got to stop. I have been in a real funk the past couple weeks, not to say my latest adventure wasn't the most meaningful one I have had in a long time, because it was, but I'm back to where I started which is at the beginning. I've been unconsciously angry at myself for allowing it to happen again. I've also had 2 days off from work in the past 3 weeks so that doesn't help my mood at all either. Turns out I am quite sensitive to getting enough time to just "be".

I've been on a sleeping spree the past couple of days. 2+ hours naps during the day and 10-11 hours/night (not that I don't wake up) but it really is no wonder considering I've been eating like crap (really, really crappy), not drinking enough water, not exercising at all, spending every waking moment either working or doing homework or doing laundry or cleaning... and exactly zero time relaxing or taking care of me.

That has created a lot of anxiety for me, even more than normal. I know I have to do a life inventory and make a list of my priorities AND in what order I will attend to them. I know I have to make a commitment to myself to not allow this to happen again, where I am putting myself first and then someone else comes sweeping my attention away. I can't do the rollercoaster any more.

I'm up and down the same 5 to 10 pounds, so my goal is to lose 4.8 pounds and then renegotiate. I'm not happy where I am, and doing nothing isn't serving my mental health very well. My goal today is to not take a nap, instead keep myself up until a normal hour and then go to bed to get restful sleep. It doesn't help feeling less anxious when I wake up 4 or 5 times in the night.

So lots of thoughts this morning. 4 more weeks of school and I'll be officially half way done with my masters degree. I also get a break until the end of January. Can't come soon enough for my sanity!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 4EVERADONEGIRL
    Hang in there! We all run into times where we are less than stellar with prioritizing and taking needed "me" time. But it does sound like you have a good plan in place to get back on track! Now just do it!!!!
    1704 days ago
  • MOONFAIRY
    I just noticed you were back! I'm going to have to catch up on your posts. I guess the email notification I used to receive expired. Looking forward to seeing what you've been up to.
    1704 days ago
  • SKINNYINMYHEAD
    Don't know what it's like to keep having men sweep me off my feet... but do recognize over analysis.. girl? quit thinking so much and JUST DO IT! you are priority numero uno! I know, I know.. I don't mean that as a flippant statement.. I don't.. I just recognize the all of nothing mentality.. the off and on.. and spent years analyzing it and being analyzed .. when I found a coach who recognized addictive behavior and I just did what he said.. no thinking but lots of doing.. my anxiety went way down.. you can do this.. and by this I mean be good to yourself!
    1706 days ago
  • CAPT_BUTTERFLY
    Good Luck with school. You can handle this!!

    emoticon emoticon
    1707 days ago
  • MT-MOONCHASER
    Of your four actions you listed at the beginning, the first three are great and good for you. It's the fourth one that needs to become a thing of the past...

    I have been consistent with two things this past year, checking in with Spark and drinking my water.

    At the beginning of the year I started a streak with a small goal, to get 10 minutes of cardio a day. Not a grandiose goal, but one that got me started. Today when I complete my first 10 minutes of WATP, my streak will be 320 days. I will do more than 10 minutes, lately I have been in the 15-20 minute range most days, but I WILL have that 10 minutes for my streak!! That has been a good motivation for me, you just have to figure out what your motivator is. It only took me a bit over three years to figure this out, so don't despair.

    Streaks can be powerful things if we are geared that way.

    Good luck with analyzing your patterns and figuring out what you need to do.

    Hooray for being almost half way to your Master's degree!

    emoticon
    1707 days ago
  • TRENTDREAMER
    "I'm up and down the same 5 to 10 pounds, so my goal is to lose 4.8 pounds and then renegotiate. I'm not happy where I am, and doing nothing isn't serving my mental health very well."
    * Enjoy your break!

    I think that you are on the right track addressing a normal sleep schedule.

    The lesson I've most internalized this past year is not to set actual weight goals. Set actual goal goals (actions that one can take to potentially achieve a certain desire) and then do them as effective.

    That's me though.

    Best of fortune to you!
    1707 days ago
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