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Friday, November 15th, 2013....

Friday, November 15, 2013

Been very depressed lately. Haven't really thought about working out or tracking. All I want to do really is cry and I am not sure why. Otherwise, work has been going good. Just wish I didn't have to go and clean on my days off during the week. emoticon

Every Sunday I keep saying to myself "I will start working out and tracking my food this week, starting today." But I never do. It seems like in the beginning I was gung ho about everything and slowly it went downhill. Whether I am working or cleaning it seems like my whole body hurts. Especially after I have been at work all night because I am standing and walking around all night at work.

It seems like my life isn't my life anymore. I thought everything would have been different once I had a job, but now I am thinking that that is not the case. I really don't have any money left over after I pay my boyfriend's mom every two weeks. Plus I have a laptop on layaway that I have to get pretty soon. Right now it seems like there is no end in sight. More later..
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    I am so sorry for the hard time you are having right now. Sometimes it feels like we are in a box and can't get out, no matter what we do. It might seem worthless at first,but this always works for me - try to think of the good things in your life. Think of the blessings that you have to be thankful for - we don't live in that devastated part of the Philippines for one thing. I'm not trying to be flip or goody-two-shoes about this; I'm speaking from a similar experience. I would rack my brain to think of the parts of my life that were not hellish, then I would try to think of how to make my situation better. Would better shoes make your job easier? Could your company help you with the cost of the shoes? Could you work out a trade of services with your boyfriend's mother and free up some of the money you give her? "Thinking "out of the box" has worked for me - racking my brain for a solution, no matter how impossible it might seem at first. My nightmarish experience was teaching at a school where I was bullied by the principal and most staff. I focused on the few that were nice to me and, of course, the children, but cried almost every night on the way home. In the end, I knew I qualified for a small retirement, so I quit. I felt so relieved and, once I made that decision - those tormentors were suddenly amazingly nice to me! I had a great year living frugally and doing things I always wanted to do (like getting fit and Sparking) and then I was asked to take another teaching job with people that I admire and respect. It's still hard sometimes, but I know that I got through that tough time and can do it again. I'll be praying for you to find a way to make your hard times better.
    1980 days ago
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