Off the Deep end.....with shallow things...

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Greetings. Think of posting here often and then feel like a loser (in a bad way) when it's just more whining from me. Visiting family (older sis and son) have given me a few breaks from caring for my mom, but each time hubs and I head for the hills just to get away instead of using the time to workout/etc. (Having never had kids, am astounded at the easily and quickly all one's 'me time' drains away when you are responsible for someone else!)

Did get a full workout in yesterday, despite a cold and my mom calling me every few minutes. Later as I was trying to catch a break and had my vitamins spread out to sort she kept yelling for me and I kind of lost my patience. She's refused to go to therapy for some time now and she still can't communicate clearly, so I told her I was getitng really frustrated with the fact she can't talk to me, isn't trying to help herself get better , and keeps calling for me constantly with only garbled talk to follow (I go through the list of important critical things; hungry? Thirsty? Bathroom? Bed? Pain pill? if it's not one of those she just gets annoyed with my being unable to guess.) Anyway, although I wasn't mean or rude about it she got annoyed and stayed away from me the rest of the day/night in her room. Which is fine, except it doesn't get us any closer to solving the communication problem. Feeling like the rehab we are going to doesn't do much for her, as my sister arrived 35 minutes early one day to pick her up and she was just sitting in the room with no therapist around for about 20 minutes. Been looking into online things to try and help my mom directly but not sure I am 'UP' to it when still being the 24 /7 caregiver.

Visiting family supposed to head back home Sunday. Much as I hate to lose 'back up', eating will be easier. We all eat totally differently and hubs has been trying to cover some of the gap with lasagna, etc, while we were tryiing to stay away from pasta and cheese....I find myself turning to nuts constantly. OH...and the sugar and candy! OMG!! I introduced my sis to Hot Tamale candy (which I turned to as an OCCASIONAL treat...like once every few months...and she has brought them down every night! ) My biggest problem is having sugar/cheese/bread in the house to start with, so not only am I 5lbs heavier now, I am broken out like a hormonal teenager. Thats' never a cute look.

On the occasions we've gotten away, got a couple rude shocks when my prada boots/leggindgs started to feel tight in the calves. That was enough to make me start THINKING about what I was doing to myself, at least. I know I need to start doing something physical everyday soon!! For the Love of Prada!! haha- The trips 'away' always focus on 'window shopping' that turns into real shopping and that was the last thing we were supposed to be doing!! But oh the sparkly goodies..........they do distract me from the humdrum life awaiting me when I return home! Caregiving sucks, frankly. My sis in Hawaii jokingly/or not so jokingly asks me why I am so obsessed with shallow things like shopping...when it occured to me that spending my days in the 'deep end' and 'over my head' in trying to care for someone, 'time off' in the shallow end (or in the fascination with shallow things) seems logical!

On a good note, hopefully all are well and healthy and still have their loved ones with them! We can all whine and make excuses all we want to, right? But in the end, the things that really matter to us gets our attention, I guess. Even if what matters at this moment is 'distraction'. Anyway, I am eyeing the wagon but not back on it fully....yet..
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