This week is starting out rough.....
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
I'm still trying to get back into this Ohio weather after beautiful Fla. I love the sun and it just isn't sunny enough here. I had a lot more sun in NC and there are times I wished I stayed down there.
Yesterday I saw my new granddaughter that I had heard through the grapevine that my Son had but didn't know she was a girl. I know that sounds confusing to you all but you see I haven't seen my other three grand children since Labor Day of 2008 and a year or so ago I had heard they had another baby. I tried and tried to find out what it was but, in my heart I always felt it was a little girl. Anyhow, yesterday I was up at JoAnn Fabrics and walking in front of me and towards me was my Dtr-in-law with a child standing in the cart. I don't remember who said Hi first and then followed how are you, fine and you and she kept going past me. I had stopped....in shock and hoping she would call my name out, but she didn't.
After that episode I was so upset that I couldn't shop and so I decided to leave and when I got up front and in line I saw them 3 people ahead of me. When it got to where I was next I was looking right into the eyes of my beautiful granddaughter who looks so much like my son. I waved to her and she smiled and just looked at me, at first I thought she was looking at the lady behind me but something told me she wasn't and all I could think of was "do you know who I am" It was the hardest thing to do, you see I have a B----- for a dtr in law and she is the main reason and my Son who holds grudges of why I don't see my grand kids.
When Christine was done she walked right by me and never said a word. I was fine until I got outside and getting into the car......I totally lost it and my poor husband had no idea what had happened to me.
I know there are no such things as coincidences, things happen for a reason and this reason was because God wanted me to see my grand baby because I have been asking him to please let me know if it is a boy or girl. I am in the process of quilting throw blankets for each of them to have later in life to remember me by. I have the two boy's done and now I have the two girl's to do.
Later in the day I got more sad news, my husband had a stint put in Jan. of this year and last week he had a nuclear stress test, well the other side is still blocked and it will have to be taken care of, he sees his doctor Thursday so we will find out more. The valve that he had a stint in was 80% and the other is 100 but they say they usually re-route and we thought had happened but I guess not.
I know the Lord only gives you what you can handle and he must think I have broad shoulders because he has dished out an awful lot to me over the years and you know I'm getting tired of it. I was even thinking this morning that I must have been one really bad person in my previous lives because I'm paying for it all now. One thing I know I have to do and that is I can't give into all of my comfort foods, that's how I put back on 15 pounds last year. I made it through the Holiday's, which are very hard for me and come Jan. the pounds came back on and continued.
I have to do this for me and I have to remember how good it felt when I hit 136 and that if I can get there, then I can get to 125 or so.
Thanks everyone for letting me vent and release some of the hurt I am feeling. It was so good to see that little girl and yet it hurts so much.
One Day at a Time.............