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I need a break

Sunday, November 10, 2013

So over the last week I had odd things happen to me. One day my eye was irritated and I thought it was because of my new contacts, later in the day I switched to my glasses. The next day I didn't wear my contacts but roughly 1/3 of my eye was blood red for most of the day which I thought was from the contacts the day before. I had written it off as irritation from my contacts. The next day, I work up to bruises on the tops of my feet and backs of my hands. It was normal before bed and bruised when I woke up. I couldn't figure out why so I started googling... I found a page with 8 lesser known symptoms of Rheumatoid Arthritis...
1- Shortness of breath (the past 2 winters I've had trouble breathing and been to 2 ERs and the VA clinic and another doctor and no one knew why... I was told it was a cold, then dry air, then whooping cough -without being tested for it-, then told 'it isn't asthma'; no answers and no solution but it comes on around december and goes away around march... during the coldest months I have it)
2-Numbness and tingling in the hands and feet (I've been having this problem for a while too but I thought something about how I was sitting or whatnot was making them sleep)
3-Problem lifting limbs (haven't had this issue thankfully)
4-Spots on fingers (not this one either)
5-Red eyes (see above)
6-Broken Bones (I had several stress fractures in my ankle joint years ago with seemingly no cause for me to have gotten them let alone that severely)
7- Bruising easily (see above; I also had this previously but they thought it was from anemia though I had no other symptoms)
8-Joint Pain. Okay well this one isn't so much LESSER known... anyway. I've had joint pain for many years now. The VA wrote off my ankle pain from the improperly healed ankle fractures, didn't check my knees at all, or my hips, and decided that my back is from DDD, a curve in my spine (I didn't used to have) and a previously fractured disc. They claimed the other joints were a vitamin D deficiency... well I have been taking vit D, often in higher doses than she prescribed and still I have some days I can barely move without being in tears. I have pains in joints all the way up to the base of my skull and all the way out to the smallest joints in my fingers and toes. On cold days, when I go outside and come back in it's hard to even move let alone straighten my fingers and even when I'm warm it's hard to straighten my pinkys and feels strained.

So I thought about all of this and knowing that it is often genetic, and also that my family -especially before my grandparents generation- didn't go to doctors given the choice... I asked my mother if she knew of anyone having RA in our family. She said yes my grandmother was diagnosed.

She then said the meds for RA contributed to messing up her blood and her getting her cancer -that I hadn't known she had-.

Then she asked me if I'd heard about aunt N. I hadn't so I asked what she meant. N and I had been really close when I was little. She said that N had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and given 3-4 months to live.

All of this on Friday afternoon...

And today... today G came by and wanted to wake D up after on 6 hours or so of sleep and knowing full well that he has trouble sleeping, let alone going back to sleep after someone wakes him up... Yet when I said not to wake him, I'm the a$$h*le. *rolls eyes* what ever. She's his sister, she's known him for 20 freaking years... she should know that that'd be a problem. When he did wake up he said yeah if she just woke him up to say 'hi, heres the money I owe you' he'd be pissed. Ironically he suggested what I did... give me the money and I'd give it to him when he woke up but she chose not to do that... Oh well. Don't care.

At some point in being overwhelmed with all of this I just quit caring. Other people's opinions and issues just don't matter to me at all.
I'm muddling through doing work for my 5 classes and working and trying to deal with everything else...
I'm taking a mini hiatus from BLC because I just can't handle that added in too. There are things I must do and BLC is a want not a need so it is on pause. I wish my classes were at my pace but they aren't so I have to keep doing them right now and I don't have the leave time to not go to work. I do have a coworker though who knows and understands so I spent part of the end of Friday in her office since it was quiet and undisturbed and I could just sit. N is fabulous to me...

So yeah... I need a break.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hang in there!!!
    1626 days ago
  • LETHA_
    We can't always predict the twists and turns our path will take. Very best wishes on your continued journey to good health.
    1626 days ago
    Hi there - I just read your blog, and wanted to let you know that my son has Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. If you really believe this is something you have going on, you need to see an opthamologist RIGHT NOW since you are having eye problems. Uveitis is often painless at first, but is nothing to mess around with. See your GP and have him do the blood work, but know that often the blood work comes back negative. You need to get a referral to a rheumatologist, and there will be a wait for that because there are not enough of them. In the meantime, don't mess around - go see the eye doctor. He can get you started on something, but it's so important you don't wait.

    Let me know if you have any questions - I'll be glad to answer what I can.

    1626 days ago
    You do have a lot on your plate right now all right. Take the time you need to gather strength and energy and we will be here. Sending positive healing vibes your way.

    1626 days ago
    I'm so sad to hear all that you are going through right now. You are so strong and accomplishing so much! I just wish you all the best and thanks for letting us know what is going on. emoticon my friend!!! I will miss you!!! Take care of yourself dear.
    1626 days ago
    I agree with Alice, there are times were we have to reassess our situations and priorities and make adjustments!! Remember that the internet can justify or negate any research to lean towards what we want the results to be - so before you hang your hat on having RA, please go see a doctor and have it confirmed. Once it is confirmed you and the doctor can devise a plan that will work for you. When it comes to friends and family you have the absolute right cannot care if they don't like your decisions. What matters is that the decisions you make are right for you and your immediate family. emoticon Please take care of yourself and stop by the SEALs anytime you want.
    1627 days ago
    Good luck and God bless with all things before you. I recommend the serenity prayer. It helps me get through each day! emoticon
    1627 days ago
    Big hug....really big hug. Wish there were easy answers to life bumpy, icky, nasty intrusions. I do encourage you to take time for yourself in some way - even if that self care is getting to a physician, preferably a specialist who can help you take care of you. Again, really big hug to you - but I won't squeeze too emoticon hard because you don't need any more bones with breaks.
    1627 days ago
    There are times when life becomes a mesh of situations. We just have to step back and sort them out and then decide on the priorities that we must set. A lot of the times, our wants have to be set aside so we can handle the priorities. Sending lots of positive thoughts and vibes your way. Whatever the outcome of your physical problems, let your faith take over and set out to not let it get you down. I know, easier said than done most of the time. Just hang tight and think everything through a little at a time.
    1627 days ago
    emoticon emoticon you are in my prayers
    1627 days ago
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