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Will I or Won't I???? Have I Arrived or Do I Still Have a Ways to Go?

Sunday, November 10, 2013

For the past 7-10 days I've been struggling with my goals. I mentioned before that hitting a normal BMI made me complacent. I found myself in my old pattern of "I've reached a goal I didn't think I could, so now I can relax a bit." As in the past, I found myself coming head to head with my self imposed glass ceiling. My inner voice was trying to convince me that I had arrived so it was ok to relax and enjoy the view. However, my goal was still just over the horizon. Still 16 pounds away. I started wondering if that goal was still something I should strive for or if I should listen to my inner voice that was telling me I looked good, I felt good, I was happy with what I saw in the mirror and my clothes were ALL baggy! Size 8 jeans! BAGGY!! Large tops! BAGGY! So....if I was in medium tops and size 6 jeans, did it matter that the scale was at 154 instead of 138? How do you argue with your inner voice when you like what you see and have accomplished?

And so it went, ....back and forth, back and forth.....

The plus side to this whole battle is I now know that I can eat "off plan" and still maintain. Obviously I can't go nuts but I can - within reason - stray off plan, enjoy a few indulgences and get right back to where I was before, in just a few days. I've learned that much of the rapid weigh gain I experience from those indulgences, isn't fat. It's inflammation (fluid!) and eliminating the offending food item(s) will also eliminate the accompanying bloating.

But back to my battle....

I shared my turmoil with friends, teammates and my PT/N. I voiced my conflicting emotions. I did some soul searching. And I've come to a few conclusions.

First, I think my turmoil has been made worse by the fact that TOM is approaching and for the first time since adopting "my plan", I have been battling the inner voice that wants carbs! I've won a few and lost a few. The problem is that every battle I lose, creates a stronger urge for more carbs. It's a never ending battle. So, the only way I will beat it is to cut it off cold turkey! It will take a few days to regain my control and fighting TOM makes it that much tougher BUT I Know I can do it because I've done it before!

Second, knowing the holidays are upon us, and knowing my calendar is more full than not, I realize I will have more temptations to face than I normally would. I find myself asking the question, "Do I want to enjoy the foods of the holidays and then resume the battle in January?" I'd be lying if I said part of me didn't like that idea. In fact the part of me that's tempted is my worst enemy. It's telling me I've already made more progress that I ever thought possible in 2013, so why not relax and enjoy for a bit? I'm not giving up. I'm simply taking a hiatus. That's perfectly acceptable, right? I even considered changing my goal from the number on the scale to something physical for the next 6 weeks. But THAT'S not what I really want! What I really want is to reach my goal!

So I've decided to recommit to my journey and see this through to completion. No more carb cycling. That just sends me back in to yoyo mode. It's what I've done the past two weeks. Enjoy the weekends and then spend M-W reclaiming lost ground. I'm back on plan 100%. I have the ST and cardio under control. That hasn't been the issue. Now I'm going to get the food back under control. I don't need to indulge every weekend. I am fully capable of saying no! So today is my new emoticon! And it's by far the best emoticon I've ever experienced. I'm up a few pounds from WIN but I know why and I know how to get rid of it quickly. By Tuesday or Wednesday, I'll be back to 154 and then I will start fresh on my journey to 138. I won't worry about when i will reach it. I'll just focus on making progress towards it. I've already shared my desire with my PT/N and she is revamping my plan to attack this head on. So Wednesday will be my new beginning. New ST plan. New cardio plan. Renewed commitment to MY PLAN! My goal is 138 and I will reach it!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Keep it up girl! I am so glad that you decided to get back on plan.

    You rock! emoticon

    2500 days ago
    You sound driven! I have these little chats with myself all the time. You will get to your goal! Keep making that commitment every day! You can do it!

    2503 days ago
  • -THINQ-
    emoticon emoticon emoticon !
    you WILL get that emoticon an' be AT emoticon emoticon
    i KNOW it.. 'cause you are one of the BESTsparkers i know!
    you deserve the emoticon healthiest of Everything!
    2503 days ago
    I've been stuck in that same cycle of am I there or not, is it giving up on dreams or realizing they have come? Good for you for figuring out where you are!!! And pushing hard to see if you have more in you! I think we can always relax when we know we've done what we can! Good for you!
    2503 days ago
    What a great emoticon you have arrived at! It's such a pleasure to read your blogs and to see how far you have come. You've got an enormous amount of awareness going for you. You know when danger lurks: TOM, carb cravings, etc. and you will know how to pull yourself back from any precipice that might put your fitness and eating plan in danger. emoticon emoticon
    2503 days ago
  • ANNETTE117
    Good luck on your plan. You have had some awesome success so far. emoticon
    2503 days ago
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